Lights, Camera, James
by EpicallyObsessed
Summary: Struggling actor James Diamond was ready to pack up and leave Hollywood when a stranger gave him the encouragement he needed. Five years later, he's made it, and when he wins his first major award, he dedicates it to the guy who said "It could be you" Things quickly progress when the two meet. But will they be able to handle the press and reactions from the public? *Slash*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello everyone! So, Delicate is finished, which means it's time for a new story!**

 **This is actually one that I started a couple years ago, but never finished, so I'm kind of making it a mission of mine to finish it.**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 _Five Years Ago_

 _Sweetie, it's okay to give up and come home._

My mom's text made my heart sink. She'd sent me dozens like it, especially over the last few weeks, but it wasn't what I needed today. Okay, I never needed that shit, but today I was already too close to doing exactly what she suggested.

Going home to all the people who'd laugh at me for ever thinking I could make it big. Going back to a life in a small-town closet. Going back to feeling like no one and nothing. I knew I'd hit rock bottom when that world sounded more appealing than the constant beatdown of this one.

I glanced up from my phone and looked around the diner. It wasn't all that busy today, and my two tables were taken care of. One had just gotten their food, and the other's meals were still cooking, so I had a moment to check my texts while I waited for the order to come up.

I was starting to think I shouldn't look at my messages at work, though. All they did was depress me, and I was already feeling pretty fucking low over the job I had and the one I couldn't get.

 _But hey,_ the universe was apparently thinking, _the morning is still young, so why not dogpile James a little more?_

That was the only possible explanation for my agent picking that exact moment to text me.

 _You ready for this afternoon's audition?_ Before I could respond, she added, _This is a big one, sweetie. Don't bail on me._

I felt sick as I typed out, _I'll be there. I promise._

Would I be there? Would I really? Because how many times had it been a 'big one' and just turned out to be a big waste of time and energy? I'd show up, queasy with nerves, pull off an amazing audition anyway, walk out thinking I was God's gift to acting… and then feel like utter garbage when I didn't get a callback. What was the point? Why did I keep bothering?

 _Sweetie, it's okay to give up and come home._

I sighed. Truth was, I'd already given up. I was already working on coming home. I hadn't told anyone yet because I didn't want to admit it, but I was done. It was over. Hollywood was going to be one of those faded dreams I'd laugh about someday. Or cry about. Like I hadn't done enough of that recently as reality had set in. I was a failure. Just another starry-eyed kid who'd come to Tinseltown and-

"Order up!" The line cook yelled out. His voice jerked me back into reality. I shoved my phone into my back pocket and started collecting the plates.

I was almost to the table when I realized there were hash browns instead of fries. Damn it. Then I glanced at the ticket and to my horror, realized there were hash browns because that was what I'd written down. Son of a bitch. Why did I have to screw up the hot guy's order?

Oh, right, because it was going to be one of those days and the universe was having a laugh at my expense.

And dear God, this guy was hot. That wasn't unusual in LA, but he wasn't like the typical Abercrombie & Fitch models who seemed to populate the city. He had kind of a preppy/nerdy look to him that just worked, with dark hair and brown eyes that made me forget basically everything when he looked at me. If I had to guess, he was about the same age as me. He had a soft smile that didn't seem phony like so many other people I'd met since I'd moved here. Everything about him was cute and seemed perfectly genuine and seriously _why_ did I have to screw up _his_ order?

Probably because I'd been so flustered the whole time. As it was, he'd had to repeat himself twice after my dumbass had been too distracted by his voice or his eyes or whatever had made my brain fizzle out at that particular moment. And now I'd brought him the wrong food.

It figured. A guy who was a thousand percent my type, and I'd already made such an idiot of myself that this would definitely _not_ be the day I worked up the courage to ask for someone's number. Which was a shame, because I would have _loved_ to have this guys' number.

Schooling my expression, I set one of the plates down in front of him. "I'm sorry. I accidentally got you hash browns instead of fries, so-"

"It's okay." He smiled up at me, his gorgeous eyes sparkling. "I like hash browns, so don't worry about it."

"Oh. Are you sure? I can have it remade and-"

"It's fine. I promise."

I was still going to knock some of it off his bill, but I set the plate down anyway.

And then his expression faltered slightly. "Oh. Um. I ordered ham, not bacon."

"Shit." I clapped my hand over my mouth. Great. Now I'd fucked up his order _and_ cursed. Face on fire, I reached for his plate. "I'm sorry. I'll get you another-"

"No, it's fine." The smile came back, thank God. "Really. Just take it easy. Could you get me a side of ham to go with it?"

I did not deserve a customer who was this easygoing. "Thanks. I'm sorry again."

"Don't worry about it." As if for emphasis, he picked up one of the bacon strips and bit off a piece. If he was just humoring me, he was doing a damn good job of it.

"Okay." I exhaled. "I'll, uh, be right back." While he ate, I went back into the kitchen and asked for a side of ham.

As I stood back there and waited, I felt like such an incompetent asshole. I was never going to be good at this job. I could memorize lines for an entire script, but I always managed to forget something on an order or get something wrong. It wasn't even because I was too distracted by this hot guy. I just sucked at my job. It really was a miracle I hadn't been fired, but the day wasn't over yet.

Why am I still here? At the diner? In LA?

Fuck it. Yeah. It's time to get the fuck out of here.

Feeling equal parts sick and determined, I found a pen and paper and quickly wrote out my two weeks' notice. When I got home, I'd write a similar note to my landlord. Then I'd figure out how to get enough gas to get back to Missouri, and… well, I'd go from there.

The hot guy's side of ham was ready, so I folded the note, slid it into my back pocket, and took the food out to him. He smiled at me again, making me weak in the knees because God, he was just so… he was…

"Hey, could I get some coffee over here?" A woman in a suit gestured with an empty cup.

Right. Coffee. Customers.

I stole another glance at the hot guy, and then got back to work.

A few more tables filled up. I flitted from one to the next, trying like hell to keep track of who was still waiting for what, who was drinking decaf, who had already told me-twice-he didn't want more coffee, and which table had asked for their check.

So shocking that my tips were trash and my mood was getting worse. It really was time to just quit this stupid job, ditch my shithole apartment, and get out of LA. I clearly did not belong here.

No point in staying. No point in going to that audition.

My heart sank deeper. I didn't want to disappoint my agent by not showing up, and I didn't want to give up my dream-never mind my ticket out of my hometown-but it wasn't like I'd get the part. I'd gotten a few scattered roles in commercials, but every time I went in for a TV pilot or movie, crickets.

So why waste the gas and time-not to mention money for parking-just to be let down _again_? I might as well just cut my losses and skip the audition. That would give me more time to pack for my drive of shame back to Misery. Err, Missouri.

My cute and infinitely patient customer requested his check, and I was both relieved and disappointed. I wouldn't have another chance to screw up his order, but I also wouldn't have him there to make my day feel slightly less shitty. And damn, when I came back to pick up his bill? He'd tipped me twenty percent. Why weren't more people as sweet as he was, and why didn't they come into the diner during my shifts?

As he put his wallet away and I started clearing up his dishes, he laid a weathered blue notebook on the table.

"Listen, um, before I go…" He started, chewing his lip before looking up at me kind of shyly as he tapped the ragged leather cover of the notebook. "Would you mind signing a page in this?"

I blinked. Was this some kind of joke? I kept my poker face somehow and warily asked, "What is it?"

"I…" He laughed self-consciously and flipped to a blank page. "I realized a while ago how many servers in Los Angeles are actors trying to break into Hollywood. And it occured to me that any one of them could be the next big thing. There's no telling who it'll be." Some of the shyness faded as he looked right in my eyes and added, "It could be you."

I stared at him and… shit. I suddenly wanted to cry. Like, seriously. Just break down and ugly cry right there in the diner because of four words I hadn't realized I'd needed to hear.

 _It could be you._

Somehow, I managed to choke back those sudden emotions and croak, "Seriously?"

His smile was gorgeous and he didn't sound the least bit patronizing as he said, "Why not?"

 _Yeah, James. Why not?_

With a lump in my throat, I shakily took his book and looked down at the blank page. This was the first time someone had ever asked me for an autograph. I kind of felt like I should make it count. Or at least say something to acknowledge that he'd given me the encouragement I needed today, but without sounding like a complete dork.

Finally, with tears in my eyes and a smile pulling at my lips, I wrote beside a faint coffee ring:

 _To my future number one fan -James Diamond._

He took the book, read the inscription, and closed the cover as he smiled up at me. "Thanks. And good luck, James."

 _Yep. I'm so gonna cry before this shift is over._ "Thank you."

As I collected his dishes and headed back to the kitchen, I realized I was smiling for real. For the first time in a long time now that I thought about it. After being discouraged at every turn, told to just give it up and let it go, some stranger had come along and said the words I hadn't known I needed to hear.

 _It could be you._

Yeah. Yeah, maybe it could. Why the fuck not?

So right then and there, as I started putting the plates and silverware in the overloaded sink, I vowed to make it to this afternoon's audition after all.

And I promised myself I'd blow it out of the water.

* * *

 **Done! So, this was a short chapter. The next one will be short as well. These first two chapters are basically the prologue before we jump into things.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I'm pretty sure you all can guess who the 'hot guy' is that James is talking about. If not, you'll find out who it is in the next chapter, which will be up tomorrow!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello everyone! I'm back again with another chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read the first chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, and Side1ways for reviewing! :)**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 _Present Day_

"Get back in here guys!" Kendall called from the living room. "Loges, your guy's about to get his award."

I rolled my eyes and headed back in. My guy. Yeah, I wished. But with my freshly topped off wine, I followed everyone from the kitchen, and dropped onto the sofa between Kendall and Lucy. It was our annual Filmmaker Association Awards gathering, and this was the award we'd all been chomping at the bit for tonight. Or at least I had.

Onscreen, some actress I didn't recognize was at the podium in the middle of the stage wearing some god awful thing that made me think she'd skinned a giraffe, and she was reading off the nominees.

"Do you think he'll win?" Kendall whispered.

"He better." I said into my wine glass. "Did you _see_ his film?"

Kendall snorted and gave my arm a playful smack. "You know I saw it. But that doesn't mean the stuffy old white guys who vote for this stuff appreciated it like we did."

"If he doesn't win," Camille said from where she was sitting cross-legged on the floor. "Then these awards are meaningless."

"Pretty sure they _are_ meaningless." Lucy said. "But let's hope they do right by Logan's guy."

I rolled my eyes again. Sometimes I wondered if it had been a mistake to let my group of friends know what a shameless crush I had on James Diamond. If it was, it couldn't top my biggest mistake. Being brave enough to ask for his autograph, but too much of a chicken to ask for his number back when he'd been a waiter. He'd been out of my league back then, but now? I couldn't even _see_ his league anymore.

Except, well, from my best friend's sofa while we watched movie stars in overpriced clothing lavish each other with awards.

On the screen, the actress had finished naming off the nominees. "And the Filmmaker Association Award goes too…" She paused for effect as she opened the envelope.

In Kendall's living room, my friends and I sat on the edges of our seats, wine glasses in hand, and held our breath.

She pulled the card out, and finally said, "James Diamond in Sequestered!"

We were all on our feet so fast it was a wonder nobody's glass went tumbling. We high-fived and cheered as if we'd actually been involved in the movie or in James' amazing performance. It was ridiculous, but it was fun, so who cared?

It was about time, too. James had been passed over by the Filmmaker Association for two years in a row, and it would have been a travesty if they'd snubbed him again this time.

On the other hand, I'd probably never hear the end of it. After all, his fame and my crush had been a running joke ever since I'd told my friends about the time we'd met. They hadn't believed me until I'd shown them the autograph in my notebook.

At least they'd finally stopped ribbing me about the damned thing. Now if they'd stop ribbing me about how just seeing him on the screen made me swoon, I'd be good, but I wasn't banking on that. Especially not now that he was walking up to the stage in a tailored black tux, smiling so big he could've lit up the whole auditorium.

He accepted the award and hugged the actress. Then she stepped aside, and he took his place at the podium.

My God, he'd grown since the first time I saw him. The tux was a far cry from the diner uniform he'd been wearing, and it hugged his body like a dream. He'd filled out in the last few years, looking less gaunt and so beautifully fit. Shame the tux covered up that six-pack. Fuck, he was hot.

 _Why didn't I get your number in the diner that day?_

Oblivious to me ogling him through the TV, James smiled at the crowd. "Wow, I'm… this is amazing. And, um, I've got a lot of people to thank, but I swore a long time ago that I'd dedicate my first award to someone who probably doesn't even remember me. I was a waiter, and not a very good one, and I wasn't getting anywhere with acting. I had an audition that afternoon, but I wasn't going to go. I was ready to pack it in, go back to Missouri, and move on. I had my two weeks' notice in my back pocket and everything."

He paused for a breath.

"But even after I let your coffee get low, and after I brought you hash browns instead of fries, and kept screwing up your order, you were still nice to me. Anyone else would have been asking my manager to give them a discount, but not you." He laughed softly. "You even tipped me."

Everyone in the living room was very, very still.

"Oh my god." Camille whispered. "Is he talking about-"

"Yes." I hissed. "Shh."

Onscreen, James continued, "You tipped me. You smiled at me. And before you left…" He paused when his voice started to get shaky. "Before you left, you asked for my autograph. You said you knew a lot of waiters in LA were trying to break into Hollywood, and there was no telling who might make it big." His voice wavered again, and he put a hand to his lips and he cleared his throat.

When he continued, his voice was still trembling. "You told me it could be me. It probably didn't seem like anything to you, but that little conversation, and the chance to sign that notebook you were carrying around, was what I needed to get my ass to that audition that afternoon." He looked right at the camera, smiling broadly. "I got the part. And after that, I got other parts. And now, five years after you gave me that little boost…" He held up his trophy, and I swore he was really looking at me. "I never even knew your name, but I really hope you're watching this because I'm dedicating this award to you."

The audience on the screen went wild, standing up and applauding as music played him off the stage.

Here in the living room, everyone was silent. Jaws slack. Eyes wide. Silent.

One by one, heads turned to me.

I was first to speak. "Did… did that just happen?"

Everyone nodded mutely.

I swallowed. "Holy…"

"That…" Kendall blew out a breath. "That was unreal. Un-fucking-real."

"Tell me about it." I wiped a hand over my face, and realized it was shaking. I was shaking all over, actually. The surge of adrenaline and God knew what else had me so jittery, I couldn't sit still.

Without a word, I got up and headed into the kitchen with my still full wine glass. I wasn't sure what I was looking for, only that I needed to move before this sudden nervous energy got out of control.

My friends hung back, which was kind of surprising. I fully expected them to trail after me and fire off questions, but they didn't. Maybe they knew that I'd been shocked by the speech. That it was overwhelming. Maybe they were giving me some breathing room, and thank God for that. Maybe it was just because they knew damn well I couldn't cope with spotlights, and I felt about a million of them pointed at me right then.

In the kitchen, I set my glass down before I dropped it, and pressed my palms onto the counter. Eyes closed, I breathed in and out slowly. I couldn't process it yet. I tried not to think about how many people had seen that, or how many might be talking about it. For all I knew, they'd forgotten it as quickly as I'd forgotten all the other acceptance speeches tonight, but I was somehow certain everyone and their mother was talking about it. About _me_.

In his speech, James said he doubted I'd remember meeting him, but I remembered. I'd replayed it a thousand times in my mind. I remembered the first time I ever saw him in a movie and nearly fell out of my seat because I'd have recognized that beautiful face _anywhere_.

I remembered coming home afterward and opening my notebook to that page. I hadn't been at all surprised when his name matched the one in the credits.

I just hadn't imagined that _he'd_ remembered. I wondered if he had any idea how much I'd had to psych myself up to ask him for his autograph. I'd done it a few times before-I hadn't been lying about getting autographs from waiters who might be up and coming-but the prospect of asking someone had never intimidated me like it had with him.

Even while he'd been flustered and frustrated with his job, even while he'd been so obviously down and depressed, there'd been...a light in him. Some dormant charisma. There'd been no way of knowing if he was an actor, or if he'd aspired to be, but I'd known right then that he could command my full attention anytime he wanted to. This was someone brave enough to not only stand in the limelight, but bask in it, and even now I envied him as much as I wanted him.

In the years since, I'd sometimes wondered if he'd thought I was creepy or ridiculous for asking him to sign my book. Or if he'd thought I was just being patronizing when I'd said _It could be you_. I'd meant every word, though.

But knowing my encouragement had left an impression? That he'd needed a push that day? My God. What if I hadn't worked up the courage? What if I'd been the shy coward I usually was?

Footsteps on the linoleum brought me back into the present, and I turned to see Kendall, Lucy, and Camille coming in. Kendall had an odd smirk on his lips.

I inclined my head. "What?"

"Well, Loges." He shoved his iPad into my hands. "I think you're about to be famous." My stomach lurched, but before I could say I _didn't_ want to be famous, he tapped on the screen, and a video started.

Outside the awards show venue, a red-headed reporter in a white suit spoke into an oversized microphone. "James Diamond's win was no surprise, but his speech has Hollywood and fans alike talking. Who was this mystery man? Does he even know he has the newly-minted Filmmaker Association Award winner's autograph?"

I gulped. "Whoa."

Beside me, Camille squealed, clapped a hand over her mouth, and shoved her phone at me. On it, another reporter was speaking.

"I'm hearing from Los Angeles This Morning that they want to find the man who asked for James Diamond's autograph, and if the autograph can be verified, they're willing to fly him out to be on the show with Diamond himself."

My jaw fell open. "What?"

Another reporter appeared. "We caught up with James backstage to find out more about how that autograph might be tracked down."

The screen shifted to James, still grinning from ear to ear in his tux with a microphone in his face. "If he's got the real autograph"-he shrugged innocently, then winked not-so-innocently at the camera-"he'll know what the inscription says."

I could feel my friends' stares like burning spotlights. My heart pounded. I still hadn't gotten my head around all of this, and now people wanted to fly me to LA to see James? In person? On TV? What the hell?

Lucy whistled. "You might want to check Twitter."

My mouth went dry as I took out my phone and opened the Twitter app. #WhoseBookDidJamesSign was already trending. People were tweeting at James, posting photos of autographs, and speculating about what the inscription must have said. And because it was social media, there were also people telling him to die, calling him homophobic names, and raging that he didn't deserve the award.

"What are you gonna do?" Kendall asked.

My first instinct was to say I was going to do absolutely nothing. As much as I wanted to see James again, he was a package deal now. Lights, camera, James. And who was to say he wanted to see me for real? Maybe he just wanted to give me that little hat tip, make a tear-jerker of a speech so people would be talking about him, and-

"Hey." Kendall touched my shoulder. "Whatever you're thinking, stop."

I blinked. "Huh?"

He huffed, rolling his eyes. "I know you, and you're trying to talk yourself out of it because it'll mean attention from a lot of people. And because you're the kind of guy who's stunned when someone pings him on Grindr, so you're in denial that _that_ guy"-he pointed at the iPad-"might genuinely want to see you."

Well, I had to give the guy credit. He definitely knew me. "I, um…"

Lucy inclined her head. "You've been kicking yourself for years over not getting his number. Now you have a chance to see him again. Are you really going to pass that opportunity up?"

"Yeah, I have a chance to see him again." I gulped. "On a talk show. On TV. In front of…" I waved a hand because if I actually said _a million people_ there was a good possibility I'd puke.

"So would you rather go on TV and be nervous?" Camille asked. "Or pass up this opportunity and spend the rest of your life wondering what might have happened?"

I opened my mouth to argue, but nothing came out because I didn't have a damn argument and fuck my friends for knowing exactly how to talk me out of my own stupid doubts.

"I guess… I guess I could tweet at him. It'll probably get lost in the shuffle, but it's worth a try, right?"

"Of course." Kendall nudged my arm. "Go for it!"

I swallowed hard. Then, fingers a little shaky, I opened a new tweet and typed out, _I think it might be me, James. From your number one fan._ It wasn't the exact quote, but he'd get the idea. I added the hashtag and mentioned James' Twitter handle so he might hopefully see it.

Then I held my breath, hit Tweet, and watched in horror as the message sent and joined the masses talking about James, the autograph, and me. Had I really just said that? _That_ was the best thing I could come up with? A dorky fanboy tweet that was so awkwardly _me_ it was sickening? Fuuuck. No taking it back. I could delete it, but then… then I'd have to come up with something else to say, and-

"Do you think he'll find it?" Camille asked. "I mean, there's _thousands_ of tweets popping up."

"I don't know." I shrugged as if I didn't care nearly as much as I actually did. As if I wasn't as anxious, embarrassed, or excited as I actually was. "I guess we'll find out."

* * *

 **Done! So, another short chapter, but this concludes the prologue and things really start moving forward next chapter. As for this one, we found out that the mystery guy from last chapter was Logan! And it seems that he's reached out to James, so to speak, but will James see the message?**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I really loved hearing your first impressions on this story, and I'm so excited for things moving forward!**

 **Next chapter will most likely be up this weekend, so not too long of a wait for that. :)**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **But before get into that, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

By the time I left the after party and checked my phone, social media had turned into a hurricane of people talking about my speech. I hadn't expected it to get such a big reaction, but there it was. Good thing I'd hired a driver tonight-I'd planned to have a few drinks, after all, and I hated LA traffic-because I was glued to my phone.

A lot of the 'autographs' people posted were obviously fake. Unless I'd been drunk off my ass when I'd signed them, those were _so not_ my signatures. And of course there was the usual mix of verbal abuse about everything from my appearance to my acting chops to my sexuality. Sometimes I wondered how people had that much time on their hands.

There were so many tweets, I decided it would take the rest of the year to scroll through every single one. Instead, I did a search for my username plus 'number one fan.'

And right there at the top…

 _I think it might be me, James. From your number one fan._

My heart stopped and my jaw dropped. I blinked a few times.

Then I tapped on his icon, and the photo he used for an avatar enlarged slightly.

I would have recognized that warm, sweet smile in a crowd of millions. This had to be him. No way in hell it wasn't.

Logan. His name was Logan. After all this time, I finally knew his name.

His bio was, as Twitter bios usually were, quite short: _Just a guy with a job he likes and a dog he loves. #GoSeahawks #GoMariners_

I smiled to myself. I kind of wanted to scroll through his tweets and see if there were any pictures of his dog, but that felt a little too stalkery. I also wasn't sure about replying to his tweet. My fans could be a bit wild, and I didn't want to send a Twitterstorm his way.

I especially didn't want to put him on the radar of the haters and homophobes. Nobody needed their bullshit. Instead, I checked to see if he accepted direct messages from people who weren't following him. He did, so I sent a quick message.

 _Hey, do you have a picture of the autograph?_

A moment later, a photo came through.

My hand went to my mouth, and I caught myself feeling as shaky and overwhelmed as I'd been on the stage accepting the award, and at that diner a million years ago when I'd first written those words.

 _To my future number one fan -James Diamond_

I smiled as my eyes welled up with tears. A million times, I'd thought about somehow reaching out to see if I could find him, but for some reason, I'd been too scared. Even tonight, I'd debated nixing the speech and going with a generic _I'd like to thank my agent_ and all that other bullshit.

At the last second, I'd vowed to stick with what I'd been planning to do ever since that day in the diner. And after I'd done it, I'd gone backstage and puked because there'd been too many emotions crashing through me and I hadn't been able to handle it.

And now… here we were. Connecting on Twitter. I'd found him. Which meant he'd heard my speech. Either he'd watched it live or someone had told him about it, but he'd heard it, and he'd reached out. Now we'd made contact.

My mind darted back to a conversation at the after party. My assistant had said she'd already started getting calls from talk shows wanting to arrange for me and my mystery fan to meet up.

Thankful that anxiety didn't transmit through DMs, I wrote back, _They're serious about bringing you to LA. Are you in?_

He didn't respond immediately. He started typing. Stopped. Started again. Stopped. There was nothing for a solid two minutes, and I wondered if he knew I was sitting there gnawing my lip and staring at the screen and trying not to get sick _again_.

Finally, a message came through. _**That sounds amazing. Who do I talk to?**_

 _Send me your number + email and I'll have the powers that be get in touch. :P_

 _ **Great. I'm looking forward to it. :)**_

I smiled as I forwarded his info to my assistant.

 _Yeah,_ I thought. _I'm looking forward to it too._

XxX

This was one of those years where awards season and a new film coincided. That meant having at least three tuxes pressed and ready to go at all times, flying constantly, never really knowing where I was or what day it was, and spending most of my waking hours with cameras and microphones in my face.

It was part of my job, and though it was tiring, I didn't really mind it. Having my assistant, Kelly, by my side for most of it helped, too. She could at least steer me in the right direction and make sure I was in the right place at the right time wearing the right outfit. Without her, I would seriously be wandering lower Manhattan in my gym shorts when I was supposed to be in a suit in London.

As soon as we stepped off the plane, I knew we were in LAX. It was one of those airports I recognized immediately. Oh, did that mean I could sleep in my own bed tonight? Yeeeessssss, sign me up!

Of course it also meant a gauntlet of photographers as soon as we were out of the secure area. I was used to that, but I fucking hated it. Keeping my head down, I stayed on Kelly's heels as she strode through the crowd of faces and lenses.

There was a SUV waiting on the curb, and the driver took our luggage as Kelly and I got into the backseat. The door shut, and we both exhaled.

"I could do this until I'm ninety," She grumbled. "And I would still hate those assholes."

"I can't wait for that. It's going to be hilarious watching you shake your cane at them." In a nasal voice, I added, "Get off my lawn, you damn paparazzi!"

Kelly laughed. "Right?" Then she _tsked_ and took out her phone. "How are you feeling, by the way? Jetlagged? Hungry?"

"Both." Damn, now that she mentioned it, I was starving. "You want to hang out and get something to eat that's cheap and unhealthy?"

She laughed but shook her head. "I wish. I've got a whole list of calls I need to make tonight to straighten out your schedule for the next month."

I didn't even want to know why it needed straightening out. I'd made the mistake of asking in the past, and quickly discovered it was never a good idea to peak behind the veil of what she did and how she did it. She kept so many plates spinning at any given time it made me queasy just imagining it. This woman was _definitely_ getting a fat bonus this year.

Without looking up from her phone, she said, "Oh, and don't stay up too late tonight. You're on Los Angeles This Morning tomorrow."

I glanced at her. "I am?"

"Yeah. That guy who has the autograph you mentioned in your speech? They flew him in today, and you're both on first thing in the morning."

My stomach fluttered. I hadn't forgotten about Logan, but I also hadn't realized everything had been arranged already. It had been less than a week since the awards, and I knew they wanted to arrange it while there was still buzz, but damn. "Oh. Uh, what time do I-"

"A car will pick you up at 3:30."

"3:30? You mean the 3:30 that happens in the morning?"

She shot me a playful glare. "Unless you think the one that happens in the afternoon will get you there in time for a live morning show."

"Damn it."

"Sorry." She patted my knee. "But hey, you'll be jetlagged enough your body will think it's 6:30, so there's that."

I grunted unhappily. I didn't do 6:30 either, but in this line of work, there wasn't a lot of leeway. "So, what about Logan? I mean, I at least want a chance to talk to him one-on-one before-"

"Not gonna happen." She shook her head apologetically. "You need sleep, and anyway they want you two to see each other for the first time on live TV."

I huffed and rolled my eyes. "Okay, but I mean, he's not exactly used to the lights and cameras hovering over him. Will there at least be someone there to make sure he's okay and not overwhelmed?"

Kelly met my eyes, an odd smile on her lips. I could feel myself blushing, and was about to defend my concern for him, but then she shrugged and shifted her attention back to her phone. "I can check with the network. They're handling everything, so I would assume they know what they're doing."

That was probably the best we were going to get. My first few talk show appearances, I'd been dropped into a makeup chair, shoved into the green room, and heaved onstage without a lot of preamble. It was intimidating as hell even when I'd already kind of gotten used to things like paparazzi and red carpets.

Logan would be going into this completely unprepared, and I'd seen how much that could overwhelm someone.

While Kelly caught up on texts and emails, I opened Twitter and went to my direct messages. I scrolled to Logan and pretended tapping his name didn't give me crazy butterflies as I messaged him.

 _Are you going to be okay tomorrow?_

I was nearly home before he replied, _**I'm not gonna lie, I'm nervous.**_

I grimaced as I wrote back, _Shows can seem intimidating. The reality's not so bad though. I promise._

Right then, the car pulled up in front of my house, so I pocketed my phone, thanked the driver, and collected my things. Kelly reminded me-again-that the car was coming at 3:30 and I'd better be ready and packed, because I had to catch a flight to… to… fuck if I remembered where.

After they'd left, I let myself into the house, dropped my suitcase by the door, and took my phone out again.

 _ **I'll be okay.**_ He'd said. _**Nervous, but I'll be okay.**_

 _Don't sweat it. They always seem scarier than they actually are._

 _And besides,_ I didn't add, _you're not the one who's liable to break down in tears on live TV._

 _ **Guess we'll see.**_ He said. _**Looking forward to it! :)**_

So was I. God, so was I.

In fact, it took every bit of restraint I possessed not to suggest meeting somewhere in LA tonight. He was undoubtedly staying down near the network studio, but I could handle driving back into the city if it meant seeing him.

Except that was probably not a good idea. For one thing, the damn photographers had been nipping at my heels every second since the awards, and they popped up everywhere in this city anyway. It would be just my luck they'd catch us, just like they'd caught me with every guy I'd left the house with since I'd started mattering to tabloids.

Logan didn't need that. Not the swarm of paparazzi, and definitely not his face showing up under headlines speculating about who he was, what we were doing, and how long we'd been fucking. Because they _always_ assumed I was fucking any man I spoke to for more than three seconds.

So no, I wouldn't subject him to that. As much as I wanted to see him, I didn't want this to turn into a nightmare for him.

That, and I couldn't stay up very late.

After all, the car was coming at 3:30.

The 3:30 that happened in the morning.

Son of a bitch.

* * *

The bright lights over the mirror didn't sit well with my tired eyes, and I wasn't impressed with how the makeup felt. It wasn't like I'd never worn the stuff. I'd done a play in school, and Camille had practiced on me when she'd started as a makeup artist.

But the shit they'd slathered on my face today made my skin itch. It was supposed to make me look natural under the lights, which I got, but in the mirror it looked awful. I just wanted to claw it off, and quietly wondered if I'd be able to _get_ it off without a jackhammer or some industrial-grade solvent.

The itching intensified. I didn't think I was allergic to it or anything like that and the artist probably wasn't doing anything wrong. I doubted it was even the chair, which looked suspiciously like a dentist's chair, making my skin crawl the moment I'd walked into the room.

Truth was, I'd been uncomfortable ever since I'd boarded my plane yesterday in Seattle. Anxiety, maybe? Except I couldn't figure out why I was so damn apprehensive. Sure, I'd had a serious crush on James as he'd become a rising star, but I'd also been mesmerized by him when he'd been a waiter.

It wasn't like I'd never met him at all. I'd seen him flustered and tired and _human_. There was no reason to be intimidated or expect him to be larger than life. There was even less reason to expect him to be an asshole or something. We'd be in front of cameras, for one thing, and also he'd been super sweet when we'd messaged on Twitter.

So what the hell was wrong with me?

The cameras, I guessed. After all, my school play career had ended after my first speaking role put a spotlight on a massive case of stage fright. I'd quit drama at the end of the quarter to take ceramics instead and spent the rest of the year making ugly vases in peace. So that was probably what bothered me now. I wasn't worried about James. Just the stupid cameras. And all the people watching.

As for James, I hadn't seen him yet. Not that I'd had a lot of opportunity. A driver had picked me up at some eye-watering hour, and as soon as I'd stepped out of the car, a frantic woman in a gray pantsuit had herded me into the makeup room where I'd been sitting for the last half hour. I didn't even know if James was in the building yet, and no one had stopped moving long enough for me to ask.

I stared at myself in the mirror as the artist brushed something weird-smelling onto my cheek. Maybe that was the problem. Everyone around me was moving at ninety miles an hour and seemed to know exactly what they were doing and where they needed to be.

Me? I had no idea. I was one hundred percent out of my element, and at some point in the very near future, I'd be on live TV. In front of _millions_. Meeting my crush-turned-movie-star for the first time since he was my flustered waiter.

"Hey." The makeup artist-Laura, I thought her name was-lowered the brush and cocked her head. "You okay?"

"Hmm? What?" Oh shit, had I started hyperventilating? Okay, not quite, but I definitely started breathing faster than I needed to. I took a slow, deep breath and let it out. "Yeah. Yeah." I faked a smile. "I'm good." _I think?_

Her brow pinched with sympathy. "First time doing this?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Do this as long as I have and you start picking things up." She paused to dab the brush in the pallet on her arm. "Look, I know it's scary to go out there." She started dusting something on my face again. "But I promise, Corbin and Lily are pros. They'll ask questions, and they're real good at knowing if someone's nerves are getting to them."

That was actually encouraging. Up until she'd mentioned that the hosts would ask questions, I hadn't realized one of my biggest fears was getting out there and not knowing what to say. As if I was supposed to walk out there and cough up spontaneous brilliance for fifteen minutes without any guidance.

But if they asked questions, I could work with that. Especially if they knew how to ask the right ones to get even a starstruck and camera-shy idiot like me to start talking. Plus, now that I thought about it, I wouldn't be the only one out there. James was the star. If I couldn't articulate anything, he would, and this wouldn't be a complete disaster.

Slowly, I relaxed. "Thanks. I think that's what I needed to hear."

She smiled again. "Don't worry about it. You're not the first person to be scared, and you won't be the last."

"Has anyone ever made an ass of themselves?"

Laura laughed almost soundlessly. "Of course. But you're not coked up or drunk, so I don't think you have anything to worry about."

She had a point.

Minutes later, Laura was done with me. I collected my notebook and phone, and she handed me off to a young guy wearing a headset and a deep furrow in his brow. He had a clipboard under his arm and walked so fast I could barely even keep up.

At the end of a long hall, he waved me into a windowless room marked GREEN ROOM. "Wait in here." He said. "We'll come and get you when it's time for you to go on. Do you need anything? Water? Coffee?"

Coffee sounded good, but my stomach was a bit off thanks to all those stupid butterflies. "No, that's okay. I'm-"

"Okay, just sit tight. You're on in fifteen."

Fifteen? As in _minutes_? Holy shit.

I looked around the room, thumbing the edge of my well-worn notebook. It was like a waiting room in a doctor's office, except with a fancy coffee machine and chairs that looked seriously comfortable.

I didn't dare sit. I'd either fall asleep because I was running on two hours of sleep, or my anxiety would go nuclear and I'd vibrate myself to pieces. Better to stay on my feet until I could contain all this nervous energy.

A couple of middle-aged women were sitting on the couched at one end of the room. One was looking at her phone. The other thumbed through a magazine. They didn't seem worried at all, so maybe they'd done this before. Or maybe they just weren't terrified of being the center of attention like I was.

James wasn't in the room. He was still coming, right? Fresh worry churned in my stomach. What if he'd had a scheduling conflict and had to bail? Oh God, what if I had to go out there by myself?

And what if he _was_ here and I met him? Why was that even more panic-inducing?

I looked at the clock on the wall. Less than fifteen minutes until I saw James after five years. Five years of kicking myself for not getting his number. Five years of wondering if he even remembered me. Five years of wishing I'd had just a little more courage that day.

What if this was just a publicity thing for him? His name-and to a lesser degree, mine-had been all over everything since the awards show. People had been falling all over themselves on social media, talking about what an inspirational story it was and how sweet his speech was. Had that just been a calculated move on his part? A little _aww_ to endear him to his fans while he promoted his new film?

Now my throat was sour and my stomach roiled. Nothing in Hollywood was ever more than skin deep unless it was a scandal, so I was an idiot to think this would be anything but a superficial play to keep people talking about him and his upcoming movie.

Damn. Now I kind of wished I hadn't taken anyone up on this offer. Was I just signing up to be someone's temporary mascot until something else came along to keep his name on people's tongues? All this anxiety and stepping outside of my comfort zone was for… what, exactly?

The makeup itched even worse than before. Was there a way out? I'd gotten lost in the maze of hallways, but there had to be an Exit sign somewhere. Once I got outside, I could-

"Mr. Mitchell?" The guy with the clipboard leaned into the room. "We're ready for you. Come with me."

 _Oh fuck. Here we go._

My mouth went dry as I fell into step beside him.

"You're gonna wait backstage until we get your cue, okay?" He spoke as quickly as he walked. "All you have to do is walk out, and the strip of carpet will lead you right to the chairs where they'll be waiting."

I nodded mutely.

We stepped into what must have been the backstage area, and some monitors displayed what viewers were seeing. As the kid closed the door behind us, the female host was saying, "First, let's welcome Filmmaker Association Award-winning actor James Diamond to the stage!"

My pulse surged upward. There was some movement to my left, and I turned just in time to catch a glimpse of James before he stepped through the door leading to the stage. My knees shook. One fleeting look, and I was even more of a wreck. He was here. This was real. We were actually doing this.

The guy herded me to the door James had just walked through, which was now closed, and he gestured for me to wait.

On the screen, James crossed the stage, smiling and waving at the wildly applauding audience. He shook hands with with the man who must have been Corbin, kissed Lily's cheek, and sat in one of the two empty seats beside the hosts. His back was straight, legs crossed at the knees, and he smiled that brilliant smile that had rendered me speechless at the diner. Good God. It really was him.

"So, James." Lily said. "You've had an exciting week."

He laughed and nodded. "It's been pretty wild, yeah."

"You just won your first Filmmaker Association Award, and-"

The crowd went crazy again, applauding and cheering. James blushed, which almost made me swoon. He was older now, and calm and cool. He looked more like a confident man than the half-panicked kid who'd served me breakfast, and he was _still_ so fucking adorable.

As the audience quieted, he said, "That was an amazing thing. I had my fingers crossed, you know, but I didn't think I'd actually win."

"You're probably the only one." Corbin mused.

"After your performance in Sequestered, it would have been a travesty if you hadn't won."

The color deepened in James' cheeks. "Thank you."

Lily crossed her legs and folded her hands on top of her knee. "Now, the man you mentioned in your speech is here today, and we're going to bring him out in a moment."

 _Oh God._

"But before we do," Lily continued. "Tell us a bit more about what happened that day in the restaurant."

James shifted, and his smile changed to one that was so sweet, my breath caught. His expression was almost dreamy as he started to speak. "It was just… he came into the diner where I worked, and oh my god, I was a terrible waiter. _Such_ a terrible waiter. And that day, I was just done, you know? I was frustrated as an actor, I hated my job at the diner, and I felt like a failure. I was absolutely legitimately ready to throw in the towel and walk." He swallowed hard. "As soon as I had a minute, I was going to text my agent and tell her"-he shook his head-"forget it, I'm not going to the audition. I'm done. I'm going home."

Corbin perched an elbow on the armrest. "But then this guy asked for your autograph?"

James nodded. "When he told me he knew a lot of waiters in LA were trying to make it big as actors, and it could be me, I-" He laughed shyly. "I almost cried right then and there. I actually might right now." He dabbed at his eyes, and chuckled.

Lily gave his hand a gentle squeeze, and then turned to the audience. "How about we bring him out? Logan?"

"That's your cue." The guy gestured with his clipboard, giving me a small smile.

The door opened, and for a second, I was blinded by the stage lights, but I remembered what he'd told me-follow the strip of carpet and it would take me to where they were sitting.

Halfway to the chairs, my eyes adjusted, and…

There he was.

James stood up, and he smiled even bigger now. He came around the chairs and threw his arms around me, and all the butterflies vanished as I hugged him. His embrace was tight and strong, and over the roar of the crowd I heard him whisper just loud enough for me and nobody else to hear, "Thank you."

* * *

 **Done! So, you got a bit of both James and Logan this chapter, along with a look into James' life in the present day.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The next chapter will pretty much pick up where this one left off, so you'll get to see the interview and more of Jagan, of course. I'm hoping to have that up within the next few days.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:Aaannnddd here we are again!**

 **Before we go any further, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, RainbowDiamonds, and Guest for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I really was going to break down in tears before this show was over. Holy shit. I'd gotten a little choked up telling the story to the hosts, but as I hugged Logan now-and he hugged me back-some serious tears were threatening. That so wasn't like me. I could cry on command for a role, and I wasn't above showing my emotions for real, but up until the Filmmaker Awards, I hadn't been at the mercy of the waterworks like I'd been for the past week. I was usually able to hold those emotions back and keep them relatively in check. At least until I was alone…

As I released him, I swallowed and managed to smile like I was totally in control.

And finally, I was face to face with the man I'd thought about every single day for five long, chaotic years.

Behind me, Lily cleared her throat, and our moment was over. While Logan shook hands with the hosts, I stole the momentary distraction to wipe my eyes as discreetly as possible. As Logan and I took our seats, I prayed I hadn't just made things worse by smearing makeup or something.

"Welcome to the show, Logan." Corbin said.

"Thanks." Logan fidgeted.

"So were you watching when James gave his speech?" Lily asked.

"Oh yeah." With a soft laugh, Logan nodded. "My friends and I watch the Filmmaker Awards every year. And we were…" He hesitated, eyes flicking towards me. "We were all hoping James would win."

My heart fluttered.

Logan cleared this throat, folding and unfolding his hands in his lap. "The speech… yeah, it caught me by surprise. I wasn't expecting it."

Corbin gestured at the book Logan had brought with him. "Did you bring the autograph with you?"

"I did, yeah." Logan pulled out the book. As he did, his hands shook a little, but I didn't imagine it was noticeable to anyone but me. He thumbed to the right page, and then turned it so the camera could see. I leaned forward and craned my neck, and damn it, there were those emotions again. My handwriting. The coffee ring. The words I'd written. My name. All in that book I'd never forgotten and never thought I'd see again.

"That's such a sweet inscription." Lily said with a soft smile. " _To my future number one fan_. I love that." She looked at Logan. "Is that true? Are you a big fan of James'?"

Logan blushed deeply, and he glanced at me before nodding. "Oh yeah. Big fan. I was blown away the first time I saw him in a movie, and my friends didn't believe me when I said I'd met him, but…" He gestured with the book.

"Do you have anybody else's autograph in there?" Lily asked.

"No one who's been in anything, I don't think." Logan closed the book and tucked it beside his leg again.

"How did you decide who signed it and who didn't?" Corbin asked.

Logan squirmed a little. "Sometimes it was a matter of if I could work up the courage. And sometimes… I don't know." He turned to me, the sweetest smile pulling at his lips. "Sometimes there's just a vibe, I guess. A certain charisma that actors have. I knew as soon as I saw James that he was an actor."

"One doing a piss poor job of pretending to be a waiter." I said with a self-conscious laugh.

He chucked. "Oh, come on. You weren't as bad as you think."

"Oh, but I was. Believe me, I was." I turned to him and sheepishly added, "I really am sorry about the hash browns."

Logan burst out laughing. Oh my god. So gorgeous. "Actually, that place turned out to have _really_ good hash browns, so"-he shrugged-"it worked out all right."

It was my turn to laugh, and even though it was such a tiny, stupid thing to worry about, I was relieved that he hadn't actually been mad about his order. Sobering a bit, I met his gaze. "Just so you know, it wasn't lip service. That conversation we had really did mean the difference between going to that audition and just going home."

Logan turned serious too, and he put his hand on my forearm. "I'm really glad you didn't go home."

"Yeah. Me too." I couldn't resist and leaned across the armrest to hug him again. He hugged me back as the audience _aww_ ed and applauded, and it was once again a struggle to contain my emotions. There was just no conveying how much this man had changed my life with one little comment and a seemingly silly gesture.

We let each other go, and I pulled myself together enough to make it through the rest of the show. They only had us on for another ten minutes or so, and as soon as they went to commercial, we were herded backstage. Once we were clear of the cameras and out of the audience's sight, I released a long breath. Okay. We'd done the thing. Now maybe we could sit down one-on-one and-

"James, we gotta go!" Kelly grabbed my arm and steered me toward the door.

"What? Why? What's-"

"You're flying out, remember?"

"Yeah, but not for-"

"Sweetie, it's LAX. We need to get there so you have time to get through security."

I looked around for Logan. "Give me a second. I just need-"

"We're already cutting it seriously close." Her voice was laced with sympathy, but there was no sympathy in the firm grip she had on my elbow. "I'm so sorry, but the other flights out today are booked solid, so we have to make this one."

I blew out a breath and quit fighting her. I knew the drill. A missed flight meant a missed appearance, not to mention needing to reschedule the flight to the next appearance, and people got bitchy when that happened. Hell, _I_ got bitchy when it happened.

But couldn't we slow down just this _one_ time? So I could spend a few minutes talking to the man I'd wanted to reach out to for half a freaking decade?

I glanced back, hoping to catch a glimpse of Logan before we turned the corner, but he was gone.

Damn it.

* * *

I probably shouldn't have been surprised that James took off the moment we'd left the stage. I'd stepped backstage, paused to get my bearings, and when I looked up, he'd been gone.

Apparently everyone wanted me gone, too. The guy with the clipboard handed me off to a bald guy who didn't say much, and minutes later, I was in the backseat of an SUV en route to my hotel. By the time I walked into the lobby, breakfast was still being served and I'd only been gone for maybe two or three hours.

And they were already done with me.

 _I'm spending three days away from my dog for this?_

I tried not to take it personally. This was how show business worked. I had a few friends who'd tried to make it here, and some who'd been moderately successful, and most of them had eventually walked away jaded and with no desire to see Hollywood again. To the people running Los Angeles This Morning, I was a prop, and I really hadn't expected any more than that.

 _I just wish I'd been a little more than a prop to James._

Oh well. At least I'd gotten to see him again, and the conversation we'd had onstage had been really nice. It wasn't a bad experience, just a bit disappointing in the end. And over way too quickly.

My flight home wasn't until tomorrow, and I had the entire day ahead of me, so I texted my parents in Orange County to see if they were busy for lunch. Then I took a cab to the airport, rented a car, and drove out to the old familiar house.

"Oh, honey! It's so good to see you!" Mom said as she opened the rickety storm door before hugging me and kissing my cheek. "All of our friends were watching this morning!"

Heat rushed into my face, but I tried to laugh it off as I released her. "I hope I didn't sound like too much of a dork."

She snorted and waved a hand as she let me into the house. "No, you two were so adorable. I don't think I've seen you smile that much in years." She glanced over her shoulder and grinned. "I can't imagine anyone _not_ smiling with a boy that cute sitting beside him."

"Mom!" I laughed. "Really?"

"Oh, come on. He's gorgeous and you know it."

"I'm not arguing with that, but you're not supposed to ogle him too!"

"Pfft. I'm old, but I ain't dead." She paused and called up the stairs. "Hon, are you ready to go?"

"Just a minute." Came Dad's reply.

"Always just a minute." She muttered, shaking her head. "You're not in hurry, are you?"

I laughed. "Nah. I grabbed something on my way out of the hotel so I wouldn't keel over."

"Didn't you eat breakfast? I guess you must've been out of bed at the crack of dawn to be there. I hope they fed you."

"Yeah, they had food." She didn't need to know I hadn't had the appetite for any of it.

She studied me. "I'm a bit surprised you went on that TV show. I never thought you'd do something like that voluntarily."

"Neither did I. But…" My cheeks were so hot they had to be glowing.

Mom laughed, nudging me gently. "Well, to meet up with him, I don't blame you. That face? Those gorgeous eyes?"

"Mom! Oh my god."

She just chuckled.

"Anyway, yeah. It was nerve racking. And it was seriously early too. Hell, they were…" I sighed, and my shoulders sank under an invisible weight. "They were done with me by eight." _All of them. Including James._

She tilted her head. "What's wrong?"

There was no point in trying to convince my mom that I was fine, so I admitted, "I guess I was hoping to actually, you know, talk to James for a few minutes. I didn't even see him until we were onstage, and as soon as we were backstage, he was gone."

Mom frowned. "That's a shame. They brought you all this way just to talk to him for ten minutes?"

"Apparently so." I sighed again and rolled my shoulders. "It's disappointing, but I mean, at least I got to see him again. It was short, but it was really cool."

Her smile came back to life. "Well, you certainly can't say you didn't make an impression on him. Not after that speech he gave and how he was getting so choked up this morning."

My heart sped up. So that _hadn't_ been my imagination. "Yeah. True. I guess I just wish I'd gotten more time with him. Going on TV was terrifying and I had to really push myself into doing it in the first place. And it _was_ cool. But it would have been a lot more worthwhile if he'd actually talked to me for a few minutes afterward."

"I don't blame you, sweetheart."

A moment later, Dad came down the stairs, stuffing his wallet and keys into the pockets of his cargo shorts. "So how was the TV show?"

"Early."

He grunted in amusement. "Good thing they never saw us trying to get you out of bed as a teenager."

I laughed despite my heavy heart. "Hey, I'm better about getting up early these days. Just… not _that_ early."

"Nobody should be getting out of bed that early." He shook his head. "Especially not for a damn TV show."

 _Especially not to see someone who's going to hightail it out of the room as soon as the cameras are off._

I tamped down on the bitter thought. James hadn't been obligated to do more than meet me on the show. I was disappointed, but there was no point in wasting energy being pissed at him. We'd had a moment five years ago. We had a moment today. That really should be enough.

 _So why is it hard to accept that he just walked out without so much as a parting goodbye?_

Probably because I was sleep-deprived and coming down off being terrified to the point of nauseated. Everything was bound to seem bigger and worse now. Once I'd had some food, and once I'd had some sleep, then maybe I could be more rational about things. I hoped, anyway.

When my parents were ready to go, we went out to the garage. I climbed into the back of Dad's car, and while he and Mom got situated, my phone suddenly vibrated. I took it out of my pocket, expecting a text from Kendall or one of my other friends in Seattle who'd seen the show, but no. It was a direct message on Twitter.

From James.

 _ **Hey, I'm so sorry I had to take off this morning. I had to catch a flight. I would have really liked to have had coffee or something with you.**_

I blinked. Was… was that real? I actually rubbed my eyes, blinked a few more times, and read it again.

Yeah, it was real. And from the same Twitter account we'd used to go back and forth on after the awards show.

I wrote back _It's okay_ and hesitated, finally decided to grow some balls, and added, _I'd be happy to take a raincheck on that coffee! ;)_

Hopefully he'd take that for the invitation that it was. I didn't have the nerve to be more direct than that.

A reply came through as my dad was pulling out of the neighborhood and onto the main road.

 _ **I'm traveling a lot the next two weeks. But after that, I have some time off. I could meet you in Seattle?**_

I almost squealed like a little kid. _Really? I mean, I'd love to see you, but that wouldn't be too much of a pain?_

 _ **Not at all. You flew all the way down here to spend ten minutes with me. I can fly up there for a cup of coffee.**_

Holy shit. I was dizzy now. James Diamond was… we were really… I hadn't had a stroke and died or something, had I?

Grinning like a dork, I wrote back. _Name a time and place. I'm looking forward to it._

* * *

Between a bunch of appearances and premieres, a wicked cold, some photoshoots that hopefully made me look like I wasn't dying of said cold, and three round trips to Europe for interviews that totally could have been done via Skype, it was a solid month before I finally had some time to myself.

But now that I did, I was finally on my way to Seattle to see Logan.

And oh my god, I was nervous. Like, the same kind of nerves that had kept me from sleeping on a flight to London a couple of years back. I'd been on my way to meet with a powerful and eccentric producer who'd made noise about wanting to cast me. I'd been terrified when I got there, thinking he'd take one look at me and dismiss me from his sight.

He'd done that to people before, so my fear wasn't exactly unwarranted. I'd twitched and fidgeted and tried not to puke for the entire twelve-plus hour flight, and in hindsight, all that anxiety had been worth it. Because in the end, he'd totally loved me and cast me in the role that _really_ put me on the map.

In the moment, though, it had been miserable, and I had that same anxiety right now. What if Logan and I didn't get along when it was just the two of us? We'd texted and DM'ed quite a bit over the last month, and we'd even talked on Skype a few times before my voice had crapped out thanks to my cold, but those were little snippets and sound bites. Ten or fifteen minutes at most. What if we sat down for coffee or dinner or whatever, and realized we actually couldn't stand each other?

I shifted in my seat for the umpteenth time and wondered if I should have gone for first class after all. At least then I could be comfortable while I mentally turned myself inside out. Except, no. I was trying to fly under the radar. I'd already had three people at LAX ask me if I was James Diamond, and I'd done my usual _'Oh, I wish. I get that all the time.'_

Normally I adored meeting fans and I still kind of got a thrill out of people recognizing me, but I didn't want the press catching on that I was on my way to Seattle. The last thing I needed was some paparazzi lurking around and interrupting any chance I had at connecting with Logan.

As it was, I'd taken a million precautions to keep them off my scent. I didn't bother with the hat-and-sunglasses routine. Nothing said _something to see here_ like that particular ensemble.

Instead, I'd hidden in plain sight. Styled my hair a little differently (which basically amounted to finger-combing it wet instead of styling it up with about seventeen different hair products), carried a cheap old duffle bag instead of the triple-armored monstrosity I usually travelled with, and wore a pair of white Apple earbuds instead of the noise-cancelling top-of-the-line headphones I preferred. Weirdly enough, subtle shit like that was all it took to convince people I was just a James Diamond doppelganger or take me off their radar completely.

Well, I hoped it did, anyway. I hadn't done an interview in weeks without someone asking about Logan, and it was obvious they were digging for something. There'd been a number of articles after the talk show where people had speculated that there was a 'connection' between us. That we had 'chemistry.'

No one knew if Logan was gay or straight, but I'd been out from day one, so any time I gave a man a second look, everyone assumed I was into him. Which, okay, to be fair… I totally _was_ into Logan. Whatever they thought they'd seen in my eyes on that stage? Oh yeah. They had. I just had no idea if Logan was into me, and I didn't want a bunch of cameras showing up and ruining my chance to see if that connection or chemistry actually existed.

"Ladies and gentlemen," The captain's crackly voice startled me. "We're about to begin our descent into SeaTac international Airport." He kept talking after that, but I didn't hear any of it, and that was only partially because my ears were starting to pop.

I closed my eyes and took a few slow breaths. Almost there. The way my heart rate was skyrocketing, you'd have thought Logan would be waiting when I stepped off the plane. Except he wouldn't be. Instead, I'd pick up my rental car and head to my hotel, and we'd meet up for dinner later. He'd fallen all over himself apologizing that he couldn't get the day off work. Not if he wanted tomorrow and the weekend to spend with me.

But really, I preferred it this way. Airports were full of people with cameras. Paparazzi lurked around LAX all the time, and for all I knew, there were some at SeaTac too. Even if I didn't manage to slip away from the airport undetected, no one would know who I was meeting.

Rubbing the bridge of my nose, I sighed. I loved my job and wouldn't trade it for the world, but admittedly, I still longed for the days when I could go into a grocery store or walk through an airport without someone noticing me. You'd think I'd be used to that after growing up in a town of five hundred.

Everyone knew me in Kleinsville, but being famous wasn't like having to stop every ten feet at the grocery store to talk to my old English teacher or say hi to my Aunt Renee. Those were people I knew. These were strangers with cameras who believed I'd signed away my right to any semblance of privacy the day I stepped onto a film set. And, whether or not that was true, I wasn't about to compromise someone else's privacy just because he was willing to meet up with me.

The plane touched down, and moments later, pulled up to the gate. Heart beating wildly, I pulled my carry-on out from under the seat and down from the overhead bin, and followed the slow-moving line up the narrow aisle. I cast a longing look at the cushy first class seats, but didn't let those thoughts linger. It had been a fairly short flight, and flying coach had kept me on the down-low. Good enough.

SeaTac was an easy airport to navigate, and it wasn't as enormous as others I'd been through-or maybe my gate was just in a really good spot-and before long, I was settling into my rental car. The girl at the rental desk had looked at me like she recognized me, and she'd definitely given my name a second glance, but she hadn't said anything.

Most people at these places were pretty good about not tweeting _"OMG James Diamond totally just rented a silver Prius from the SeaTac AVIS and is probably getting on the I-5 as we speak!"_ So hopefully she wasn't broadcasting my location while I sat here in the parking lot trying to figure out the unfamiliar car.

The shiny Prius had a million bells and whistles, but after a few minutes of fiddling, I had the seat where I wanted it and my hotel's address in the GPS. When the map appeared on the screen, I wasn't surprised to see the estimated travel time at forty-five minutes.

In fact, I chuckled. Logan had warned me that Seattle traffic was no joke, and that it would probably take me longer than that to get through downtown and up into Everett, where he lived. As if anyone who lived in LA ever believed a GPS when it said you could go forty-five miles in as many minutes.

I found a radio station that apparently played techno and dance music, and I hummed to myself as I left the airport. The GPS guided me through the tangle of ramps and merges, and finally I was on the I-5 and headed toward Everett.

I was still a nervous wreck and probably would be until I'd been in Logan's company for a while. Now that I was on the ground, though, I was better. Which was no surprise. Flying seemed to be when most of my anxiety came out. Kelly guessed that it was because there wasn't much else to do while flying.

Once we were on the ground, there were actual tasks like driving and navigating to focus on, and those could pull my focus away from how seriously fucking nervous I was. It made sense. When I went to see that producer in London, I'd settled down a lot just walking from the plane to baggage claim (Which, to be fair, took forever, so that was bound to take care of some of the nervous energy). I'd still been a mess, but I hadn't been powerless anymore.

So as I drove up the I-5 and Seattle came into view, I was doing okay. Tapping my thumbs on the wheel in time with some song on the radio that I would seriously have to download later, glancing at the map occasionally, and grinding through the thick afternoon traffic, I realized that yeah, I _was_ doing okay.

If it weren't for that snug knot twisting in my stomach or the restless feeling in my limbs, I might've even been able to forget I had a reason to be nervous at all.

Except I did.

Because Logan.

I was going to see Logan tonight. In a just a few hours, we'd be together. No talk show hosts as a buffer. No cameras to make us think twice about what we said. Just us.

I swallowed hard. I stopped tapping my thumbs and gripped the wheel, which only served to remind me how sweaty my palms were getting. Christ, major auditions didn't stress me out like this anymore. What the hell was wrong with me?

Exhaling slowly, I shifted in the driver's seat. It would be fine. Even if we never saw each other again after this weekend, there was no reason to think this visit would be a disaster.

But what if we didn't have anything to talk about? What if all our "connection" and "chemistry" started and ended with the conversation we'd had on Los Angeles This Morning or the brief chats we'd had since? I supposed I could always take an earlier flight back to LA. Or I could show myself around Seattle.

But damn it, I wanted this weekend to work. I had a feeling about Logan. A gut feeling. Something I'd never felt before, something I couldn't explain, but something I hoped wasn't just my imagination. I wanted to believe the looks he'd given me-the long eye contact, those beautiful smiles-had meant something. That he hadn't just been starstruck.

I didn't think he was starstruck. Not when he'd smiled at me the same way he had at the diner back when I'd been a no-name nobody with every intention of crawling back home a failure.

Whatever had been there in the diner that day had been there on the talk show, and I was hanging onto a lot more hope that I probably should have on it being _something_. Interest? Attraction? Some kind of tiny spark that could be fanned into friendship? I wanted to believe it could be fanned into more than friendship, but I tried not to let my mind go there. Not yet.

There was no point in thinking about things like that until I knew we could at least be friends. After that, we'd see what happens and go from there.

 _Just_ please _don't let tonight be a disaster._

 _Or tomorrow._

 _Or the next day._

* * *

 **Done! Yes, I know. I'm evil for leaving it there. :P But it seems that Jagan are about to come face to face yet again, which poor James is nervous about. But, as promised, you all did get a bit of Jagan this chapter. I hope you're happy, Side1ways! :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Of course, next chapter will have James and Logan meeting up again. I'm not too sure when that'll be up, but it will definitely be up by this weekend at the latest.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

As my car idled in front of James' hotel, I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans for the fourth time. Over and over, I told myself there was no reason to be nervous. He wouldn't have come all this way to see me if he was just humoring me, right?

But what if he'd come all this way and left disappointed?

Oh God. No pressure.

I pushed out a long breath as I watched the hotel lobby's glass doors. It was a chain hotel. Not quite a no-name motel, but not exactly the Four Seasons either.

Perfectly nice for me-I'd stayed there while I was in town interviewing for my job-but not a place I'd expect to see a movie star. Now that I thought about it, that might have been the point. The tabloids always complained about James being too slippery for them-staying in low-key hotels, driving generic cars, arriving at an event two hours early so he could sneak in before the press showed up-so it really wasn't surprising.

And I appreciated it too. I got the impression he had a hard time going anywhere, even while being slippery, without an entourage of photographers, and the thought of being trailed by those people made my skin crawl.

My phone buzzed.

 _On my way down._

My thundering pulse ratcheted up even higher. Oh God. Oh God. James was on his way down from his room to meet me. He'd be here any second. And maybe once he was in the car and the anticipation was over, I'd calm the hell down. Maybe I'd-

The automatic doors opened, and James Diamond strolled out into the afternoon sunshine.

My mouth instantly went dry. He was in casual clothes. A Pet Shop Boys T-shirt and artfully torn jeans that sat just right on his narrow hips, his hair slightly messy, and he had a little stubble. Of course, he rocked that look. Was there a look he didn't rock? Noth that I was aware of.

And me? Calm down? Not a chance.

Especially not when he was coming right toward my car. He ducked his head a bit, probably to make sure he had the right car, and when our eyes met, he smiled. Then he opened the door, and…

He was in my car.

"Hey." He said. "It's good to finally see you."

"Yeah." I swallowed, smiling despite my nerves. "I'm sorry I couldn't come up earlier and-"

"Don't worry about it." He said as he buckled his seatbelt. "I don't want you getting in trouble at work because of me."

 _You mean like I almost did today because I couldn't think about anything but you?_

I cleared my throat and put the car in gear. "So, um, you hungry? There's a ton of places here in Everett we could eat, or I could take you into Seattle."

James shrugged. "I could eat. But you know the area better than I do, so why don't you pick?"

I gulped, trying to look calmer than I felt. "Okay. Well." I paused to pull out of the parking lot. "Is there anything you _don't_ eat."

He took a deep breath and started ticking things off on his fingers. "Meat, seafood, eggs, gluten, dairy, nuts, anything that's been processed or cooked." He paused. "Oh! And cauliflower and mushrooms."

"Um." I glanced at him. "Anything else?"

It was silent for a moment before James chuckled. "I'm sorry, I'm just messing you. I'm deathly allergic to shellfish, but besides that, I'll eat anything."

"Are you sure? Because if we drove around Seattle for ten or fifteen minutes, I guarantee I could find a place that won't serve all that other stuff."

He laughed out loud, which made me shiver.

 _Good God. James Diamond is really in my car?_

Oblivious to my fanboy moment, he said, "Great. So Seattle is just like LA, then."

"Minus all the movies stars and plus some rain, yeah."

"Oh Lord." He made a playful groaning sound, and he was probably rolling his eyes. "Well, as far as food, I really am easy." He turned to me. "What's your favorite place?"

I chewed the inside of my cheek. "I have a few."

"Okay. Why don't we go to one of those?"

 _Because if things don't go so well this weekend, I don't want to think about that every time I walk through the door of a favorite restaurant?_

I pushed that thought away. "Do you like Thai?"

"Oh. Dude." He put a hand to his chest. "I _love_ Thai."

Grinning, I glanced at him. "Fair warning, this place will ruin you for Thai restaurants forever."

"Bring it on."

I changed lanes and followed the signs toward the I-5. "It's about twenty minutes from here. About twice that if traffic hasn't settled down yet."

"No problem." He sighed almost wistfully. "Man, sometimes I miss living in a place where I don't have to double my travel time during rush hour."

"Must be nice." I muttered. "I grew up in Orange County, and then moved here. Traffic has kind of been my reality since forever."

"Not me. I grew up in a town of five hundred people, two hundred miles from anything you'd actually call a city. Like, I lived in the Midwest and I had to drive an hour through nothing to find a Walmart. The first time I actually got stuck in a traffic jam-like real, honest to God gridlock-I almost panicked because I had no idea how to deal with it." He chuckled. "But six months in LA, and I was the guy grumbling about the stupid tourist who couldn't navigate."

I laughed. "Well, up here we grumble about the stupid Californians." I said before realizing what exactly I'd just said. "No offense."

"None taken." He shifted a little, and as he spoke, I realized he'd turned to mostly face me. "So now that we can actually chat without me getting dragged off to do other shit...what do you do? Your job, I mean?"

Instinctively I steeled myself just like I always did before I answered that question. "I'm an RN at a family medical practice. So basically I ask people embarrassing questions and jab them with needles."

"Oh, you're _that_ guy." He said with mock wariness. "Vampires. All of you."

I laughed. "Yep. I'm that guy." I let my guard down a bit, easing my grip on the wheel since he hadn't snarked about my profession. Or at least, not in a mean-spirited way. "I actually wanted to be an ER nurse, but about two weeks into my ER rotation, I was like _nope_."

"Why's that?"

"Too much stress." I admitted. "I know some nurses who thrive in that environment, but I just couldn't cope. Especially not on those long shifts."

"I can imagine." He said softly. "I don't know how you do it all, but in an ER?" He shuddered. "No thanks."

"Right? My hat's off to the people who do it, but that'll never be me."

He studied me for a moment. "You like what you do, though?"

"Oh yeah, I love it." I paused to change lanes and get around a minivan that was going way too slow. "It's not as exciting as I had envisioned when I first went into nursing school, but I'm not wired for that excitement anyways. These days, it's one patient at a time, normal shifts, and usually nothing catastrophic."

"Usually?"

"Well, it happens. One of the doctors in the practice sees a lot of elderly patients, so we've had a few heart attacks and strokes happen in the office. Sometimes people come in with something that seems minor, and it escalates into an emergency in a manner of minutes."

"Jesus." He squirmed beside me. "That would be terrifying."

"It's scary, but I mean, we're trained for it. It's what we do. I just couldn't handle the nonstop revolving door of crises in an ER. I like a more peaceful life."

"That's good, though." James said. "That you know your limits, I mean. It wouldn't do you or your patients any good if you stuck with it even when you knew it wasn't for you."

I nodded. "Yeah, that's what I tell myself. It was a blow to the pride, realizing I couldn't actually do it, but I found my niche and I'm happy."

"That's about all anyone can ask for, you know?"

"Exactly."

We were both quiet for a moment as I navigated through some thick but fast-moving traffic. Then James broke the silence. "I'm curious. Do you catch any flak for being a male nurse?"

"All the time." I rolled my eyes. "My family and most of my friends are awesome about it, but usually when I tell strangers, I get a weird look. And once in a while, I get patients who rather loudly suggest that I shouldn't be alone with women or kids."

"Seriously?" James asked in disbelief. "People are such idiots."

"Right? They don't think twice about their wives or kids being alone with the male doctors, but a nurse? Clearly he's got to be a pervert."

He sighed, shaking his head. "You gotta wonder how many people get scared out of that job because of that shit. A lot of guys who'd probably be really good at it."

"Lots." I grumbled. "At least three dropped out of my RN program because they were getting too much grief, either from patients or their own social circles. Two of them went on be paramedics instead because at least they could do pretty much the exact same thing without anyone assuming they were predators. Or gay. Because clearly only a gay man would become a nurse." I paused. "I mean, okay, I'm a bad example because I _am_ gay, but still."

A little zing of panic rushed through me. As if James-openly gay James-would be put off by me casually coming out to him. That was the stupidest thing ever. It just kind of came with the territory of having to come out a million times in my life and never quite knowing how someone would take it.

James just muttered, "As if that has anything to do with your job. They're assholes."

I was more relieved that I should have been that he hadn't missed a beat or even seemed to think twice about me admitting I was gay. Awesome. Now that little detail was out of the way and I didn't have to waste any more energy figuring out how to casually slip it into conversation. It was out there. I was gay. He was gay. Done.

And as a bonus, if there was any chance of this being a date and not just him making up for disappearing after the talk show, the _is he/isn't he_ question would be an issue.

 _A date. Yeah, right. Hope springs eternal, but there is such a things as getting your hopes_ too _high._

"So, um." I cleared my throat. "What made you want to go into acting?"

"Oh, a lot of things. I got bitten by the acting bug in middle school drama, and then I also figured out that Hollywood was a million miles from my hometown."

I glanced at him. "You were looking for a way out?"

"I was looking for _any_ way out." He laughed dryly, almost self-consciously. "I even tried to take up music in high school so I'd have double the excuses to take off to LA after graduation. I, uh, don't quite have the chops for that."

"I can relate." I said. "It's kind of moot, though, since I have way too much stage fright for music _or_ acting."

"Stage fright? Really?"

"Oh yeah. Scared me right out of drama after my first speaking role. I hated having all those eyes on me." I didn't mention the sneers of my bullies or their cruel heckling.

"Wow. You seemed fine on the talk show."

"Fine?" I shook my head. "Are you kidding? I was so nervous! I was just trying not to puke."

James laughed. "Oh, I _so_ feel you."

"What? Really?" I glanced at him in disbelief.

"Hell yeah. I mean, put me in front of cameras or on a stage, and I'm fine. But meeting someone I've been wanting to reconnect with for five years?" His voice suddenly sounded shy. "On live TV? You better believe that terrified me."

I shot him another wide-eyed look, and, my God, he was blushing. "I didn't think you were nervous at all."

"I was. Believe me." He paused. "But I'm really glad we did it. And I felt like an ass for taking off right after. I wanted to stay and actually meet you without the cameras rolling. So, thanks for giving me another chance."

I had no idea what to say. He'd seemed so calm and cool on the show. And I hadn't realized he'd really _wanted_ to see me again, rather than doing it out of a sense of obligation after he'd left so abruptly. Now I felt like an ass for thinking _he'd_ been an ass.

Finally, I managed, "You're welcome. I'm… I'm really glad we're doing this."

"Me too."

I turned to him again, and we exchanged smiles before I faced the road. This was _real_?

A sign for a particular offramp was coming up, and I put on my signal to change lanes.

"We're almost there." I said. "Prepare to be ruined for Thai food for the rest of your life."

James laughed, sounding more relaxed and ease than he had since he'd gotten in the car. "Let's do this."

* * *

"Holy shit." I groaned happily as I laid my fork down on the empty plate. "You weren't joking about this place."

"Right?" Logan put his fork down too. "I discovered it like two years ago, and I could pretty much live here."

"If I lived within a hundred miles, I'd eat here so often I wouldn't be able to fit into my clothes again. So worth it, though."

"Uh-huh." Logan turned and gestured at the waiter, probably to get the bill. Facing me, he said, "So we've got the whole evening. Anything you want to see or do tonight?"

 _I'm already seeing everything I came to see._

I shrugged as I picked up my water glass. "I could stand to walk some of this dinner off if there's a place we can do that."

"Oh yeah. Tons of places. In fact, there are some parks we could…" He paused, his expression suddenly turning a little shy. "Would you, um, object if we swung by my house and picked up my dog?"

"Of course not." I smiled. "I'd love to meet your dog."

That eased the sudden nervousness in his face, and he smiled back. "Fair warning, she's a little rowdy. I mean, she's well-behaved, but she's young, so lots of energy."

"Sounds like my kind of dog."

When the check came, we split it, and then left the restaurant. The instant I was in the passenger seat, I decided my lingering nerves were the only thing keeping me awake. Though this morning's flight had been short and uneventful, flying always wore me out, and I also hadn't slept much last night. Then we'd had this enormous-and amazing-meal, and now I was ready to curl up in the backseat and say goodnight.

I didn't want to waste what little time I had with Logan, though. There was no telling if we'd see each other after this weekend, so I wanted to be here for every second of it. Walking around a park with his dog would probably be exactly what I needed to keep my eyes open. I just had to avoid nodding off between now and then.

We'd kept the conversation light during dinner. Mostly comparing notes on different cuisines, culinary disasters we'd experienced firsthand, and reminiscing about long-closed restaurants we wished were still open.

For all I'd worried about being able to find something to talk about, or about connecting enough to keep a conversation going, we'd done just fine so far. We were a little quiet now, but I suspected he was getting hit with lazy puppy syndrome like I was. After that much delicious Thai food, a food coma was inevitable.

"Any chance we can eat there again before I leave?" I asked.

"Of course, just say the word." He glanced at me, smiling as if he had no idea how much that adorable smile turned my insides to liquid. "We can eat there for lunch and dinner every day you're here, and you won't hear me complain."

"Awesome. But if you've got other favorite pales, I'm game. You haven't let me astray so far."

He chuckled and kept driving.

We shot the breeze a little, mostly about traffic jam horror stories. About fifteen minutes after we'd left the Thai place, he parked in front of a two-story gray house.

"You want to come in?" He asked as he shut off the car. "I'm just going to put her on a leash and grab the bag of treats, so it'll only take a minute."

"Sure." I shrugged and unbuckled my seatbelt. Truth was, I was curious as hell about Logan and where he lived, so I jumped at the chance to have a peek into his world before we left with his dog.

I followed him onto the front porch, and we hadn't even cleared the top step before thundering paws and clicking nails approached. A low woof came through the door, followed by a _thump-thump-thump_ that I guessed was a large tail wagging against the wall. I'd seen some photos of her, so I knew she was a big dog, but she sounded like a herd of Clydesdales.

Logan unlocked the door and pushed it open. "Hey, sweetie. Did you miss-"

The enormous German Shepherd shot right past him and started bouncing in front of me, whacking him with her long tail as she did.

"Hey!" Logan snapped his fingers. "Lola, down." She instantly dropped onto her haunches, but kept her attention fixed on me as she vibrated with excitement. He rolled his eyes and muttered, "Traitor."

I laughed and held out my hand for her to sniff. Well, lick. All over. "You really are friendly, aren't you?"

"Yeah, she is." He gazed fondly at her as she slobbered on my hand. "Anyone who breaks into the house, she'll just ask them to throw her toy and pet her."

"Aww, not much of a guard dog, are you baby?" I petted her with the hand she'd soaked, and her tail wagged so hard it made her whole body sway. "She's tall for a German Shepherd, isn't she?"

"She's a Belgian Malinois. They're kind of like Shepherds, but yeah, they get huge." He watched her for a moment, then said, "Come on, Lola. Go inside."

She trotted in, and we followed.

"Go get your leash."

Instantly, she broke into a run and sprinted across the house, barking as she did. She turned a corner, and there was some sliding and crashing. I winced, but Logan just laughed.

"Don't worry." He said. "There's nothing for her to hit. I dog-proofed this place the day after I got her."

Before I could respond, there was a jingle at the other end of the house, and Lola came loping back with a harness in her mouth, the leash flapping behind her. She dropped it at Logan's feet and sat down, wiggling and whining.

"Somebody likes going out." I said.

"Oh, you have no idea. And we only had a short walk after work because I was meeting you, so she's got a lot of energy to burn."

"What?" I straightened. "Well, shit. Maybe we can take her along when we go out this weekend, then. She'd probably be happier, right?"

Logan blinked. "Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, I'm sure there are places that don't allow dogs, but there have to be some parks and beaches we can go to, right?" I scratched behind one of Lola's giant ears. "Do they allow dogs at places with outdoor seating?"

"Um." He blinked again, and then shook himself. "I think so, yeah. I can google dog-friendly restaurants." He crouched down and collected the harness. "She'd definitely love to come with us, especially if we swing by the D-O-G P-A-R-K."

I chuckled. "She knows the word, eh?"

"She knows a lot of words." He muttered, and slid the harness onto his dog, which must have been a challenge with her bouncing and wiggling like that. "Too smart for her own good sometimes." He tousled her ears and smiled. "Aren't you, sweetie?"

She woofed. He stood, and as he did, the leash jingled. She whined, front paws barely staying on the wood floor as she radiated excitement.

"You want to go?" He asked. "You want to go see some squirrels?"

Lola almost came unglued at that, and we both laughed. God, I loved how his eyes lit up whenever his dog's did.

We went back outside, and as I got into the passenger seat, he opened the backseat. Lola leaped in, went right to the middle, and sat down.

"Good girl." Logan leaned in and clipped her harness to something.

"Is that…" I looked closer. "Does she have her own seatbelt?"

"Yep." He reached past her and clipped the other side of the harness to the passenger side seatbelt. "Some people think I'm nuts, but I'm not driving with a loose animal in the car."

"No, that makes sense. I just didn't know they made something like that."

"I didn't either until I got her." He wrapped her up in a bear hug and kissed the side of her face. "Gotta keep my baby safe."

And dear Lord, I almost melted right then and there. As if I hadn't already been quietly losing it over basically everything this man did.

Once Lola was secured, she lay down on the backseat while Logan got in on the driver's side. He started the car, and, after glancing back at her, backed out of the driveway. "I hope she didn't slobber on you too much."

"Nah." I twisted around so I could pet her. "I miss having dogs, so I'm not going to complain."

"Okay, good. Some people get annoyed by that. And the dog hair. She's a longhaired dog, so you'll probably need a lint roller or-"

"Relax." I said as I patted Lola. "Trust me, I don't mind at all."

He glanced at me, brow pinched. "Are you sure?"

"Dude, I love animals. Seriously, I miss having pets, so I'll take the dog hair."

That must have been what he needed to hear because the tension started easing in his features and his shoulders. Some of it, anyway.

I gave Lola another pat, then faced forward again, but I still watched Logan. "You're really nervous, aren't you?"

He laughed quietly, cheeks coloring. "Is it that obvious?"

"If it's any consolation… me too."

Logan's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"Well, yeah." I shrugged even though he wasn't looking at me. "I was nervous about meeting you on the show, and then coming here after I blew you off…"

"You didn't blow me off. You had somewhere else to be." He glanced at me, a subtle smile on his lips. "I get it. It's okay."

"Still. I felt like an ass." I paused. "Especially since I really wanted to meet you one-on-one. Without all the cameras."

"You did?"

"Of course. Logan, I'm not joking. You were the only reason I made it to that audition, and that audition changed my life."

He swallowed hard but didn't speak.

Heart thumping, I went on. "I'm not here because I feel obligated to you or like I owe you something. But it's hard to forget someone who came along and acted like it made perfect sense for me to succeed. You didn't have any reason to believe I could, but you didn't have any reason to believe I couldn't either. With all the negativity I'd been getting, and all the negativity that I'm surrounded by now, it's hard not to be drawn to someone who sees possibility and potential in anyone."

He exhaled. "Wow. I just… I still can't believe that. I've been such a huge fan of yours ever since I saw you in your first movie, and…" He shook his head. "It's kind of surreal, honestly."

"Tell me about it."

We exchanged glances. Though we both smiled, his anxiety was palpable, and mine probably was too. We'd been doing all right up until now. Definitely nervous, but with plenty to talk about to fill the silence. Now that we'd acknowledged those nerves, they were impossible to ignore.

I swallowed. "This isn't too much, is it? Me crashing your town for three days?"

"No! No. Not at all." He adjusted his grip on the steering wheel and focused on the road. "Like I said, surreal." He chewed on his lip as he merged onto the freeway. Once he'd found a lane and sped up with the rest of traffic, he went on. "I mean, one day I'm watching this amazing actor and none of my friends believe I met him before making it big. The next…" Logan glanced at me. "The next, you're in my car, making friends with my dog."

 _Hopefully making friends with more than just your dog._

"And I guess that's just a lot to get my head around, you know?" He was almost whispering now. "You're you. And you're here. And I…" He didn't finish the thought.

My heart was doing weird things as I listened to Logan's soft, starstruck confession. Sometimes it still blew my mind that anyone could even get starstruck over me, and if he thought this was surreal for him, he had no idea what it was like for me.

Hoping I wasn't about to make things weird, I twisted a little so I was facing him. "Would you believe a day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought about that day at the diner?"

He flicked his gaze toward me. "Really?"

"Really. I sometimes wondered if I'd ever be able to find you again. Partly because I wanted to say thank you, and partly because I always…" I hesitated, heat rushing into my face. "I guess I always regretted that I never got to know you."

Logan's breath hitched.

I continued. "Someone who'd say something like that to a total stranger… I mean, that has to be a pretty amazing person. And I always kicked myself for letting you walk out that door without even finding out your name."

A smile slowly formed on his lips. "Well, you know it now."

"Yeah. I do."

He looked at me again, and we both smiled.

As he kept driving, we let the subject drop and moved on to figuring out which park to take Lola to and walk off our full stomachs. Still, my mind stayed on that little exchange we'd had. There was more to it. More that I wanted to say but couldn't. Not yet. A sense of urgency I hadn't noticed before-a jittery, uneasy feeling in my chest-had begun to fade. As if I'd felt a clock ticking and needed to get all the words out before I ran out of time.

Somehow, I didn't feel like I was on a clock anymore. We'd get there. I'd find the right words and the right time to say what I needed to say. This thing we were doing had the potential to possibly extend beyond this weekend, which meant I could really thing about everything I hadn't said just now.

Like how attracted I'd been to him that very first day.

And how attracted I still was tonight.

And how much I hoped this weekend wouldn't be the end.

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like Jagan are hitting it off!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I'm loving hearing all of your thoughts on this so far and am so glad you all are enjoying it! :)**

 **The next chapter will pick up around where this one left off, so you'll get to see more of their evening together! And for anyone waiting for the final chapter of Back To You, that's coming tomorrow! I kind of prolonged posted the final chapter a bit because I'm not quite ready to say goodbye.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with another chapter!**

 **Before we get into that, though, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to RainbowDiamonds, winterschild11, Side1ways, and Guest for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I'd had a crush on James since that day at the diner and had drooled shamelessly over him in movies and on magazine covers for the last few years. He was absurdly gorgeous and had a smile to die for, so I made no apologies for getting breathless over him.

But holy shit, I was not prepared for how weak my knees became as I watched him playing with Lola. Every time she came galloping back to us with her toy, he lit up like a kid on Christmas, laughing and encouraging her to hurry until she dropped the toy at his feet. Then she'd spin around, wagging her tail and woofing, and as soon as he threw her toy, she was gone again, spraying grass and dirt at us.

And I was just… mesmerized.

James could smile for a camera and look hot doing it. But this genuine, carefree smile? The way he really seemed to enjoy watching Lola tear across the park in pursuit of her toy? The way he almost doubled over laughing when she got so excited she couldn't stand still? Oh my god.

I was used to people who liked dogs and were nice to Lola, but it had been a while since someone had been truly enthusiastic about playing with her. Or about letting her come along when we went out. Or about petting her and interacting with her even if it meant drool, hair, and mud. Whenever James picked up the toy and it had mud on it, he'd throw it, and then absently brush his hand off on his jeans while he watched her run. It didn't seem to bother him at all.

It was silly to be this stupid over someone enjoying a dog, but there it was. Some guys were just sort of indifferent toward her. Some got annoyed that she went everywhere with me and that I spent so much time with her, and it didn't matter to them that she was a high-maintenance breed who needed lots of attention unless I wanted her to dismantle my house. Even the guys who really liked dogs never got excited about seeing her or playing with her. Not like this. As if I needed another reason to swoon over this man.

"She's going to sleep for days after this." He said, chuckling as she took off again. "I'm not going to break your dog, am I?"

I laughed and shook my head. "There's not enough daylight left for you to wear her out. Trust me. Your arm will be done long before she is."

"Oh yeah?" He turned to me, still grinning. "She never runs out of steam?"

"Nope. What about you?"

James shrugged, watching Lola again. "I might feel it in my shoulder tomorrow, but I'm alright."

 _And you're so amazingly hot._

I muffled a cough and turned toward Lola as heat rushed into my face. It really wasn't fair how hot he was, especially when he wasn't on an airbrushed magazine cover under perfect lighting. Not that the lighting was so bad right now. The sun was starting to go down, so the light was warm, which made his eyes even more gorgeous and gave his brunet hair this glow.

Even without makeup, cameras, and the touch of a professional photographer, he was stunningly gorgeous and unmistakably James Diamond. There was no looking at him and forgetting who he was.

Especially since we weren't the only ones here, and I definitely wasn't the only one who knew who he was. Nearby, a couple around our age played with their speckled dog on some agility equipment. More than once, they'd watched James while whispering behind their hands. A preteen with her mom and a Chihuahua glanced our way several times, but didn't snap any pictures or say anything.

I couldn't blame them for noticing. Even dressed down and hanging out in a dog park, he was unmistakably _him_.

And yet, at the same time, I could still see that flustered waiter with the dark circles under his eyes. He was the movie star, and he was the waiter, but either way he was so jaw-droppingly beautiful that I couldn't believe he was here with me and my dog.

I cleared my throat as Lola came running back up to us, and I held out my hand. "Lola, give it to me."

She started towards James, but then obeyed and dropped the toy in my hand. I held it up and said, "Last throw." Then I hurled it in the same direction James had been throwing it.

"Does she actually understand that?" He asked.

"Honestly? I don't know. I think so, because she doesn't put up as much of a fight when I put her leash back on." I shrugged. "So maybe."

"Animals are smarter than we give them credit for." He said, sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "Ready to take her back in?"

"Yeah. The park closes at dusk, so we can't stay too much longer. If we start walking back to the car now, we'll get there in plenty of time." I crouched to pick up Lola's leash. "We don't have to call it a night or anything, though. If you want to go walk by the waterfront or something, we can do that."

"Sure." James flashed another one of those disarming smiles. "I'm having a great time, so I'm game for anything."

My stomach was instantly full of butterflies. "Okay, well, let's head back to the car, and we'll take it from there."

"Sounds good."

Lola was almost back, so I whistled and jingled the leash. She slowed to a trot, stopped at my side, and sat down, still holding her toy.

"That's a good girl." I scratched her neck before I leaned down to clip the leash to her harness. Then I pulled a treat from my pocket, and she dropped the toy. When I tossed the treat in the air, she grabbed it with a loud snap of her jaws.

"Jesus!" James laughed. "She sounds like she could take your arm off."

"She probably could. I think she likes you, though."

And dear sweet Mother of God, the man blushed, and I almost died.

I took out another treat and handed it to him.

"Here. You can toss it or let her take it out of your hand."

I half-expected him to be wary of handing it to her after she'd snapped her teeth like that, but he crouched down in front of her and put the treat on his outstretched palm. She… well, she didn't take it delicately by any means, but there were no teeth involved. Just a lot of slobbering.

James laughed and wiped his hand on his jeans before petting her. "I'll bet you sleep hard when you finally run out of juice, kiddo."

"She really does." I gathered the slack from the leash. "It takes a while to get her there, but once she drops, she's _out_."

We left the fenced-in dog park and started toward the footpath that would take us back to the parking lot. Lola still had her toy in her mouth, and she walked along happily between us.

"Any thoughts about what you want to do tomorrow?" I asked.

"I'm open-minded. And if she's happier coming with us than staying home, we can go someplace dog-friendly."

 _Be still my beating heart. Why can't I find guys like this to_ date _, for God' sake?_

"Well, if you don't mind a bit of a drive, we could go out to the Olympic Peninsula." I said. "There are some beaches out there that are really nice this time of year, or we could go up to Hurricane Ridge and-"

Out of nowhere, Lola dropped her toy and lunged forward with a loud bark, but stopped abruptly when she hit the end of the leash. She kept barking and straining as I tried to reel her back in.

"Lola." I warned. "C'mon. Calm down."

James put a hand to his chest. "What the…"

"Squirrel." I motioned toward some trees and the gray squirrel that Lola had apparently seen. With a long-suffering sigh, I rolled my eyes. "She's well-behaved most of the time, but that all goes out the window when she sees a squirrel."

"Has she ever chased one for real?" He gestured at the taut leash. "I mean, has she gotten away from you?"

"Oh yeah. Especially when I first got her. And sometimes there are brave-or stupid-squirrels in the dog park."

James grimaced. "Has she ever, uh, caught one?"

"Nah. They're way too fast." I petted Lola's head and casually turned it toward me so she wasn't watching the squirrel. "I don't think she'd ever hurt one, to be honest. She's done the same thing with the neighbor's cat a couple of times. Scared the shit out of me when she caught up with him because I thought she might try and eat him, but she just bounced and barked and tried to get him to play. She couldn't figure out why he'd stopped."

A relieved laugh burst out of James as he stroked her back. "So she's not a killer, she just wants to play."

"Exactly." Once Lola had calmed down and the squirrel was out of sight, we continued along the path. I did keep a tighter grip on the leash. Lola was going to be on high alert for more squirrels now that she'd seen one. As we walked, I said, "So anyway, The Peninsula. It's an option if you want to. The drive is really nice, but it means like three or four hours in the car each way."

"Sounds perfect. I love road trips anyway." He gestured at Lola. "Does she mind being in the car that long?"

"Oh, not at all. If she needs to get out and use the restroom, she'll let me know, but she actually likes being in the car." I grinned. "And if you think she's nuts about squirrels, wait till she sees a seagull."

James threw his head back and laughed. "Okay, now we're definitely going. Because this I gotta see."

* * *

Logan picked me up at eight the next morning so we could get an early start. We grabbed breakfast at a drive-thu-sharing with Lola, of course-and hit the road.

And wow. The drive out to the Olympic Peninsula was beyond gorgeous. We took a ferry to a town called Kingston, and from there took the highway, which led us across a long floating bridge and into rolling, forested hills.

"This place must be really pretty in the fall." I said as Logan drove us along a sun-dappled stretch between some huge maple trees.

"It's pretty any time of the year, really. I swear I'm going to retire out here."

"Yeah? I can see why." I leaned forward to look up at the mountains. "I wouldn't go back to my hometown for the world, but I'd love to live in the middle of nowhere again. Especially if it looks like this."

"Right?" He was quiet for a moment before he cautiously asked, "So, you're not a fan of your hometown?"

Scowling, I shook my head. "It's one of those tiny, backasswards places where everyone's in everyone else's business." I paused, silently ebating how much to tell someone I'd technically just met. "And my, um, family is still there."

Logan glanced at me, eyebrows up. "Things aren't good with them?"

"They're… complicated." The word was sour on my tongue. "It's kind of a long story."

"I can imagine. I, um, noticed you don't talk about them much. In interviews, I mean."

I laughed bitterly. "No, I don't, and they hate it."

He looked at me again, unspoken question etched all over his face, but he didn't ask.

With a sigh, I sat back against the passenger seat and stared straight ahead. "My parents had no idea I was gay until I came out in an interview four years ago. Well, that's not quite true. They suspected it. They threatened me with conversion therapy, and even sent me to a conversion therapist twice just to be absolutely sure."

"Holy shit." Logan breathed. "What the hell?"

"Yeah. It was bad. The therapist told them they had nothing to worry about. I was perfectly straight, and neither my depression nor my obsession with acting were signs of latent homosexuality." I rolled my eyes. "And everyone was shocked when I left for LA the day after I graduated high school."

"But hadn't you said you wanted to act?"

"Oh yeah. I'd said it for years." I turned around and reached back to pet Lola, who was snoozing across the backseat. "Most people figured I wouldn't follow through, and the rest thought I didn't have what it took to make it." I laughed bitterly. "Joke was on them, though. I was such a good actor that I convinced them all I was straight."

"Fuck. That's brutal." He drummed his fingers on the wheel. "And a bad actor? Like… have these people _seen_ your movies."

"Of course they have. I'm a hometown hero now. The small town kid who made it big and put Kleinsville on the map." I sighed as I patted Lola's side, then faced forward again. "They all just try to ignore the part about me being openly gay."

"I'm surprised they're willing to overlook that if they're so against gay people." He grumbled with more venom that I'd heard from him before.

"It's a lot easier to understand when you realize everyone in town knows my net worth on a given day."

He shot me a startled look. "What?"

"My family gets to lord it over everyone that their son is rich." God, I was exhausted just talking about those people. "And they think if they're super nice to me now, I'll forget how much they shit all over my acting dreams, not to mention how they treated when they just _thought_ I was gay. Then maybe some of that money will find its way to them."

"Jesus." He whispered.

I rolled my shoulders, which had suddenly tightened. "I'm sorry. That was a depressing line of conversation."

"No, no, it's okay. I just hadn't realized your parents had been such dicks to you. Or that they still are."

"Yeah. There's a reason I don't go home unless I absolutely have to." I studied him out of the corner of my eye for a moment, wondering if I should change the subject or lay another card on the table. Finally, I said, "Remember that day at the diner?"

Logan nodded.

I took a deep breath. " _Right_ before I brought you your food, I got a text from my mom. It was basically the same one she sent me almost daily, which was more of less 'it's okay to give up and come home.'"

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yeah. And I felt so low that day, her message pretty much took me to my breaking point. Like, even my own mom didn't believe in me, so why was I wasting my time?" I forced back the lump that still rose in my throat every time I talked about this. "That was the moment I made up my mind. I was going to bail on the audition, pack my things, and go home. I had my two weeks notice written and everything."

It was quiet for a moment before Logan spoke again.

"So you were serious in your speech? That you were going back to that place and those people?"

"Where else could I go?" I asked softly. "I was broke. I had a high school diploma and a real impressive resume that included getting fired from two restaurant jobs. It was either stay in LA and keep trying, or go home."

"Whoa."

"Yeah. It was literally that day, during that shift, when I made the decision. And then… you came along."

He gulped. He'd heard this before, of course, but maybe, like me, it was different like this. Instead of a speech, I was saying it directly _to_ him. To his face. To the man who'd changed the course of my life without even knowing it.

"So, I'm dead serious." I went on. "When I say you changed my life. If it hadn't been for you, I'd be back in Kleinsville, probably closeted and definitely miserable."

"That's… wow." He exhaled hard. "I don't even know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I just really want you to know how much it means that you said what you did back then."

Logan glanced at me, and he smiled. "I'm just glad I didn't chicken out. Because I almost did."

My pulse surged. It was done and over with, and he'd said what he's said and I'd kept my future on the rails, and now we were here together, but I still couldn't help thinking how close we'd come to things being very, very different.

What if he hadn't said anything? What if I'd quit a week or two before like I'd seriously considered doing? What if I'd blown the audition after all, or I hadn't won the award, or I'd decided against making that particular speech? Hell, what if he'd gone to another restaurant altogether?

My voice was a bit shaky, and all I could say was, "I'm really glad you didn't chicken out too."

XxX

We stuck to lighter subjects for the rest of the drive, and after we'd had lunch in the car outside a Subway, Logan parked in a shady dirt lot next to a trailhead. He put a small backpack on his shoulder, attached Lola's leash, unclipped her seatbelt, and let her jump out of the car.

"Ready to go chase some seagulls?" He asked.

She woofed, tail wagging rapidly.

I chuckled. "If he sees a squirrel _and_ a seagull, her head's going to explode."

"Yeah, probably."

We walked down a narrow, winding path, and minutes later, it let us out onto a beach that seemed to go on for miles in either direction. It wasn't like the beaches in Southern California, that was for sure. Rocky in some places, sandy in others. Long walls of enormous evergreens stood opposite the water. Almost no signs of human life aside from a guy fishing in the waist-deep surf, and a black and red cargo ship so far in the distance it was almost invisible. Beyond those, it was just the three of us.

Neither of us said much as we wandered down the beach. We threw Lola's toy a few times, and Logan called her off twice from chasing flocks of seagulls. As we continued, there were some people and other dogs in the distance, so he put her back on her leash, and she strolled happily along beside him.

After a while, we stopped to sit on a giant driftwood log, and Logan took a plastic dish and a water bottle out of the backpack. He poured some for Lola and set it down beside her. She lapped at it, splashing everywhere, before flopping down on the sand. Logan looped her leash around a sturdy branch-probably so she wouldn't yank his arm off if she suddenly darted after a seagull-and put the backpack on the ground at his feet.

And for the longest time, we just sat there and gazed out at the ocean. The whole world was silent except the rolling waves and Lola's quiet panting.

I didn't realize how little either of us had said until Logan broke the silence.

"So, that day at the diner…" He kept his attention fixed on the water.

I watched him. "Yeah?"

He was quiet for a moment, then absently pet Lola as he said, "I'm glad I didn't chicken out. Really glad. But I also…" He swallowed. "I also kind of _did_ chicken out."

"How do you mean?"

More silence. Then he pulled in a deep breath. "I… I mean, everything I said was true. But for the last five years, I've been kicking myself because I also wanted to ask for your number."

I sat a little straighter. "You did?"

Still not looking at me, he nodded. "Yeah. I guess I didn't want to make any assumptions. I had no idea if you were gay or not. And…" He laughed self-consciously, staring down as he thumbed the backpack strap. "I just didn't have the balls to do it." Finally, he turned to me, the shyest and sweetest smile on his lips. "So when I say it's surreal to have you here…"

My heart did things I hadn't realized it could do, and it took a moment for me to find my voice. "I had no idea."

"Probably because I was too much of a coward to let it show." The smile faded, and he shifted his attention back out to the ocean. "I've never been very good at approaching guys. Especially not…"

I cocked my head. "What?"

He turned to me and whispered, "Have you seen yourself, James? You're gorgeous. I mean, when you messed up my order? I wouldn't have even noticed if you hadn't said anything because I'd completely forgotten what I'd ordered. I was…" He blushed, and his voice was soft as he added, "I was too busy looking at you."

My brain went blank and my mouth went dry. I stared at him, disbelieving he'd just said all of that. Finally, I found my voice and managed to murmur, "Are you serious?"

Dropping his gaze, he nodded. "I hope that's not going to make things weird now, but I just-"

I took his hand, and we both stilled. He looked at me again.

"It won't make things weird." I said. "In fact, I thought about asking for your number that day too."

His eyebrows shot up and his hand twitched under mine. "You did?"

"Yeah. Even before you had me sign your book, I…" Now it was undoubtedly my turn to blush. "Well. I was having a hard time remembering what you ordered too, so there you go."

Logan laughed. "Damn. We were on the same page and didn't even realize it."

"Not back then, no."

I held his gaze.

He held mine.

And somehow, the space between us shrank. The ocean seemed farther away, and the whole world was still and silent except for the electricity crackling in the air as we slowly- _slowly_ -moved in closer. Blood pounded in my ears. Logan turned his hand over and laced our fingers together.

Our lips met in a tentative brush. Then one of us went back for more, and just like that, the kiss I'd fantasized about for five years was real. Logan's lips were pressed fully against mine, and when he exhaled, his warm breath whispered across my cheek.

He freed his hand from mine, and I had a split second to be disappointed by the broken contact before his arm slid around my waist. I wrapped my arm around him too, and slid my other hand up his chest, and dear God, when his fingertips grazed my jaw, I nearly lost it. His touch gentle, his kiss so sweet and soft, that I was putty in his hands.

And that was before he gently parted my lips and deepened the kiss. His fingers slid up into my hair in the same moment his tongue slid into my mouth, and it was a damn good thing he had an arm around me or I would absolutely have toppled off the log we were sitting on.

After the tide must have gone in and out three or four times-seemed like that, anyway-Logan touched his forehead to mine. His hand was still in my hair, fingertips trembling slightly against my scalp. In a barely audible voice, he said, "Whoa."

"My sentiments exactly."

He drew back a little so we could see each other. Wow, he was gorgeous. He had been already, but with that hint of a flush in his cheeks and the way his lips were just slightly swollen now, he was jaw-dropping.

 _I did that to you?_

He caressed my cheek. I thought he was going to say something, but then he moved in for another kiss. This one was just as intense as the first, plus with added confidence from each of us. I had visions of us ripping clothes off and screwing right here on the beach, which sent twin surges of arousal and fear through me.

I wanted him, and I'd wanted him ever since that day in the diner, but now that getting physical was suddenly a very real possibility-now that it was pretty much happening-a whole new set of worries crashed over me.

I broke the kiss this time, and looked in his eyes. "Listen, um… just so we're on the same page…" I swallowed. "I don't… I'm not…"

'You don't want to rush in?"

I blinked. "How did you know?"

Logan smiled, combing his fingers through my hair. "Because I was about to say the same thing. I have this conversation with every guy."

"You do?"

He nodded. "I want… whatever it is we're doing, I like it. And I want it. Just… slow."

Relief took over where the apprehension had been, and I exhaled. "Yeah. Exactly. I don't want to rush, but I definitely want this."

"Same." He lifted his chin, and we came together in another long kiss. This one was different than before. Still hungry and intense, but… more relaxed? As if there was no pressure now, and we could just enjoy kissing without any expectation of more.

I hoped there would be more. I hoped there would be _a lot_ more.

But right now, this was exactly as much as I wanted. Logan was holding me, and he was kissing me, and he wanted me, and he was willing to tap the brakes a bit instead of going full speed ahead. I was turned on and curious, and I wanted to do everything, but I still help back. One thing at a time.

 _Except…_

 _God, I want to wait._

 _But the more you kiss me like this, the less I_ can _wait._

I held him tighter and explored his mouth.

No, we wouldn't end up going any further here on this beach.

But I had a feeling we wouldn't wait much longer.

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like Jagan is officially happening! :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this so far and I'm loving hearing your thoughts on it! :) The next chapter will hopefully be up within the next few days, so there shouldn't be too long of a wait.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to RainbowDiamonds, Guest, winterschild11, and Side1ways for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

The real thing was so much better than the fantasy. Holy crap. James practically melted in my arms, and his kiss was firm but not forceful. Exactly the way I loved it. And it was also a million times better than the fantasy because it _wasn't_ a fantasy. It was really happening. I was sitting on a beach on a beautiful day with the most gorgeous man on the planet in my arms, and if he moaned like that again, I was going to straight up die right here and now.

He drew back and looked in my eyes. My God. I'd always known James had amazing eyes, but they'd never been as stunning as they were right then.

He was a little out of breath as he said, "If you keep kissing me, we're going to have to figure out a definition for 'moving slow.'"

I laughed and realized I was breathless too. "I'm starting to think we're just going to have to play that definition by ear."

"You're probably right." His laugh was so quiet it was almost inaudible. He watched his finger trailing along my jaw. "I, uh, definitely wasn't expecting this."

"Yeah. Same." And I really was rethinking what I meant by moving slow. I was so _not_ a guy who jumped into bed on a first date. Hookups weren't my thing. Never had been. I just wasn't wired for it. But with the way my whole body responded to James' touch-warming all over, goosebumps prickling along every inch of skin, my cock hardening until it was painful in my snug jeans-I was considering making an exception.

A shy grin formed on his lips, and his eyes flicked up to meet mine. "I knew there was a reason I still wanted to see you after the talk show."

Smoothing his hair, I chuckled. "So we could make out on a beach?"

James laughed for real this time. "Well, I mean… I'm not against making out on a beach with you." He swallowed, and sobered a bit. "I just mean… I had a feeling…"

I nodded. "Me too. I didn't expect _this_ , but…"

He held my gaze, then moved in for another kiss. He wasn't the first guy I'd ever kissed who had facial hair, so why did the brush of his stubble drive me so crazy? Eh, who cared? It did, and I liked it.

Beside me, tags jingled and Lola huffed. James and I separated, both turning to her. Beside her paws she had a stick that was partially chewed, but apparently she'd lost interest in that. Now she had her chin on the sand and was staring up at us, big brown eyes full of _Dad, can we go?_

"Poor baby." James reached down to pet her. "We've been ignoring you, haven't we?"

"She just wants to get up and move." I patted her side. "We're on a beach full of seagulls and sticks, and she probably still wants to run around."

"Well." James turned to me again. "We can always pick this up later."

"You don't mind?"

"I'm not going to bore your dog to death by making her a third wheel." He squeezed my hand. "We can wait, right?"

Waiting probably wasn't a bad idea unless we wanted to get arrested-and make the tabloids-for blowing each other on a beach. Which also would probably be weird with my dog sitting here.

"Good idea." I rose, grimacing as I adjusted myself. James did the same, and that did _nothing_ to calm me down. Knowing I'd turned him on was arousing as fuck, and I was definitely ready to abandon all pretense of moving slow if it meant turning him on again. Why did we have to do this out here and not somewhere with a bed nearby?

I took Lola's leash off the branch, and she immediately starting bouncing and spinning, yipping with excitement. "Yeah, you would be happy about interrupting."

James laughed as we started walking along the beach again. "Will she be upset if we leave her at the house and go to my hotel room?"

My head snapped toward him. His cheeks colored, and he cleared his throat as he dropped his gaze and slid his hands into his pockets.

"You… are you serious?"

Looking at me through his lashes, he nodded. "I don't want to ditch your dog, but I'm not against having some time to ourselves either."

 _Oh, Lord. Why are we three hours from home right now?_

I swallowed. "We don't have to go to your hotel. You could, um, come to my place."

James searched my eyes. "You want to?"

"Do you?"

He gulped, looking ahead again. Good God, we sounded like a couple of terrified teenagers, not grown men who'd slept with other men before.

I moved the leash to my other hand and stepped around behind Lola so she wasn't between James and me. Then I slipped my free hand into James'. "Relax. I think all of this caught us both off-guard, but no pressure, okay?"

He glanced at me, features still tight with uneasiness. "I'm, uh, probably going to have to follow your lead, to be honest."

"Why?" I ran my thumb along the back of his. "It's not up to just me, you know?"

"No, it's not, but I… I just don't really know what I'm doing."

I cocked my head. "What do you mean?"

Fresh color bloomed in his cheeks. After a moment, he halted. So did I. Lola hit the end of the leash, stopped, and sat down, and I watched James stare at the ground. Finally, he took a deep breath and lifted his gaze.

"I mean," He said softly. "I've never done this before. Any of it."

"You've never…" I blinked. "Are you a virgin?"

James flinched and broke eye contact again, cheeks getting even redder. Slowly, he nodded.

"Hey." I gently cupped his face and lifted his chin so we were looking at each other again. "It's okay." I ran my thumb along the edge of his jaw. "I'm not judging. I just wasn't expecting it, that's all."

He scowled, eyes flicking away from mine. "Most people _do_ think I'm a slut, so…"

"No, that's not what I meant." I said quickly. "I didn't think you were a slut, but I guess… I mean, I guess I just didn't think about it."

He relaxed a little. When our gazes met again, his features softened. "So, it's not weird?"

"I'm not gonna lie, it's a little unusual." I shrugged. "But it's not a bad thing. It just means I want to be careful not to rush you."

A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips. "Really?"

"Yeah. Experience isn't a requirement. I promise."

That seemed to ease the remaining tension, and when he exhaled his shoulders visibly relaxed. With a self-conscious laugh, he said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so defensive about it. Just… not many people know how to deal with a twenty-five year-old virgin. And for some reason, everyone is convinced that since I don't have a boyfriend, I'm out sucking every dick I can find. If the press ever caught wind of the truth…" He grimaced.

"It's none of their business." I brought his hand up and kissed the backs of his fingers. "You didn't even have to tell me unless you wanted to."

"I figured you should know so you weren't expected me to be like a porn star or something."

I chuckled. "Hey, I know guys who've been around the block a million times and still don't know what they're doing, and I've been with guys who have no experience at all and knock it out of the park."

"Oh. Really?"

"Yeah." I gestured down the beach, and we started walking again, much to my dog's delight. While she trotted ahead, tail wagging, I continued, "The thing that separates the good from the bad are the ones who are willing to listen. You know, pick up on what their partner wants. Or _ask_. The others…" I rolled my eyes. "They're usually the ones who think they know what you'll like, and really don't care if you do."

"Oh."

"So don't worry about it." I rubbed my thumb along his again. "I mean it, there's no pressure. We don't have to jump into bed tonight. You don't have to do anything."

"What if I want to do everything?"

I looked at him. He looked at me.

Somehow, I found my voice, and whispered, "Do you?"

James nodded. "Yeah. I think I do."

I gulped. He did too. So much for taking things slowly.

And without another word, I tugged on Lola's leash, and the three of us headed back toward the car.

XxX

The drive back to the Kingston ferry was mostly quiet. Lola was sound asleep across the backseat, which wasn't a surprise. Though James and I had been eager to get back on the road, neither of us had the heart to disappoint Lola. So, after we'd made it back to the trailhead, we'd stopped to throw her toy and let her splash in the water for a while. Then I'd toweled her off, strapped her in, and driven just a little faster than I usually would toward Kingston. We swung into a burger place and get her a hamburger and us a couple of drinks. I wasn't particularly hungry. Neither was James, apparently. Nerves? Probably.

Now we were waiting for the ferry to finish unloading while my dog slept off her food coma in the back.

"How far is your place from here?" James asked. I realized then that his knee was bouncing.

"About a half hour across the water." I slid my hand onto his thigh, stilling his leg. "Then another forty-five minute drive."

He nodded, staring straight out the windshield at the boat and the line of cars steadily emerging from its car deck.

"We'll get there." I said.

"I know." He flashed me a quick smile that was somehow equal parts devilish and shy. "Maybe we should have waited until we were closer to home to start kissing."

The thought of those long kisses on the beach had my cock stirring in my pants, and I shifted a little. "Yeah. Maybe. But we'll be there soon."

"Good."

The silence lingered for a moment.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked after a while.

James turned to me, brow creased. "Why am I a virgin at my age?"

"Um. Well, I was going to try for something a little more tactful than that, but… yeah."

He watched the cars again, and took a deep breath. "I didn't have a chance when I was younger. I had crushes in high school, but I was too scared to let anyone think I was gay."

"Right, because of your family." I nodded. "Totally makes sense."

"And then when I got to California…" James sighed, sounding tired. "I was working two jobs and trying to get to auditions in between. I didn't have time."

"Or the energy, I would imagine."

"That too." He let his head fall back against the seat. "Then once my career started…" He went quiet again, and stayed that way.

All around us, engines were turning over, and I realized there were no more cars coming off the ferry. So, I started the car, and neither of us spoke as I followed the slow line onto the boat. Once we were situated near the back of the lower deck, I shut off the engine again.

We unbuckled our seatbelts but stayed in the car. After another minute or so, James spoke again.

"Things got complicated when my career started. When I'm working on a film, that's _all_ I'm doing. Then there's reshoots, promo tours, premieres-all of that shit. So I'm traveling a lot." He chewed his lip, watching something up ahead of us, though his eyes didn't seem focused. "Then suddenly I _did_ have time. I had bigger breaks between films. I could afford to not be working on back-to-back movies. And I suddenly had a name, and I'd been out since my very first interview, and…" He closed his eyes and released a long breath.

"Next thing I knew, I had guys wanting to sleep with James Diamond. With my name, not with _me_. I didn't want to be somebody's trophy, and I was also terrified of someone realizing I had no idea what to do in bed, and that getting out to the press."

"Wow. I never realized how much fame can torpedo your social life."

James laughed bitterly and opened his eyes. "Fame torpedoes pretty much everything. I really love my job, but that part… it's not all it's cracked up to be."

"I can't imagine." In fact, I was suddenly a bit queasy just talking about being under that much scrutiny from strangers. God help me if someone noticed us right now. With a shudder, I said, "It actually sounds kind of horrifying."

"Sometimes it is."

The ferry was pulling away from the dock, and we both gazed out at the water and the passing landscape. The safety brief played over the loudspeakers before falling silent and leaving only the sound of the engines and the water. Behind us, Lola snuffed and fidgeted in her sleep, then sighed and went quiet again.

James twisted around to look at her, and he chuckled. "She really does sleep hard, doesn't she?"

"She can, yeah." I glanced back at her myself. She was completely flat with her long gangly legs hanging off the seat. I turned to James, ready to make some comment about how she'd crashed when she was a puppy, but froze when I realized how close our faces were.

James' eyes flicked to my lips and back.

I leaned in, but hesitated. "You know, if we do this, we're just going to wind ourselves up."

"You make it sound like I'm not already wound up."

 _Oh God. Oh my fucking God._

I nervously licked my lips, which drew his attention right back to my mouth, and the hunger in his eyes made my spine tingle.

 _To hell with it._

I reached across the console and curved my hand over his thigh. We both hesitated again, and I glanced self-consciously out the windshield. There were people out and about on the car deck, though they weren't all that close to my car, and fear almost got the best of me.

But then James' warm and solid hand slid over the top of mine on his leg, and everything around us may as well have disappeared. I ignored my pounding heart and drew him in. It had only been maybe two hours since the last kiss we'd stolen before getting back in the car, but it felt like I hadn't tasted him in years. What was I going to do after he went back to California? Because damn, this man could kiss. Whatever worries he had about not being good in bed, once thing was for sure-he had this part down to an art form.

I ran my thumb along his inseam, and he shivered. Getting a little braver, I slid my hand a little higher on his leg, and the soft moan against my lips almost did me in. Maybe it was just because this was all new to him, but he was so deliciously _responsive_.

Abruptly, his hand landed on my wrist, and for a second, I was scared I'd gone too far and he was about to shove me away.

But he didn't.

He guided my hand higher.

Right to the thick hard-on straining the front of his jeans.

"Oh fuck." I murmured into his kiss. He responded with a quiet groan, gripping my wrist tighter as I kneaded him through his pants. His stubble tickled my chin as my tongue teased his lips apart. God, the minute I got this man alone, I was going to-

Somewhere on the boat, a car door slammed. Then there were voices and footsteps moving past the car, and James and I seperated. We both glanced out the window as some people walked by, and despite my uneasiness about James' fans scrutinizing us, I couldn't help but snort at the disapproving look that came from the middle-aged woman in the group.

Still, it was a reminder that we were out in public. I suspected the last thing James needed was to get busted in a grope session on a ferry.

Adjusting myself-again-I moved back into my own seat. James did the same, cursing softly.

I kept a hand on his thigh, and he put his hand over the top. The look we exchanged said nothing if now ' _we need to get home right the hell now_.'

 _Oh yeah, we do. Because the things I want to do with you would get us arrested in a heartbeat._

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like things are already heating up between Jagan. We also got a pretty big reveal from James along with a little more backstory.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **This chapter was pretty much a lead in to the next, which I'm sure you all have a good idea of what that will consist of. :P That will be up either tomorrow or Monday, so you won't have to wait too long for it.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to Side1ways, Guest, winterschild11, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I'm actually a little nervous about this chapter, so I'm hoping it came out okay.**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Not a moment too soon, Logan dragged me down on top of him in the middle of his bed. We'd shed our shoes and jackets downstairs, but hadn't bothered to take anything else off, and now… God, _finally_.

Fully clothed, I straddled him and kissed him like my life depended on it. He gave as good as he got, too, and since he didn't have to hold himself up like I did, his hands were free to roam all over me. Through my hair. Under my shirt. Up my thighs. Down over my ass. Everything he could touch, he did, and I suddenly needed his hands on my bare skin instead of over my clothes.

With some effort, I broke the kiss, and then I sat up and peeled off my shirt.

Below me, Logan stared, slack-jawed. "Holy fuck."

"What?"

"You're just…" He ran his palms up my abs and onto my chest. "You're fucking _hot_."

I laughed self-consciously and tugged at his shirt. "Do I get to see what you're hiding?"

"Well…" He swallowed. "Don't expect a six-pack or anything." His fingertips drifted down my abs again.

I leaned down and brushed my lips across his. "From what I've seen so far"-I nudged his erection with my hip-"you've got everything that counts."

Logan moaned, wrapping his arms around me, and the heat of his bare skin against mine took my breath away. Fuck. Now I definitely needed him naked. Screw moving slow if it meant staying dressed.

"There's still no rush." He murmured between kisses. "I don't want you to-"

"Not rushing." I breathed. "Just… not putting on the brakes." I rocked my hips, wanting to feel our erections rubbing together. "Want you so bad."

Logan cursed. His fingers twitched on my back, and then he dragged them down until he was cupping my ass. He squeezed, pulling me harder against his cock. "You're calling the shots." He said as he kneaded my ass. "Anything you want."

A shiver ran all the way up my spine, and I whimpered before I claimed another kiss. I was in bed with a gorgeous man, and the sky was the limit? I could finally do this, and I was doing it with _him_?

 _Fuck, yes._

"Anything?" I asked, lips barely leaving his.

"Anything. I've got condoms. Lube. Just say the word."

I couldn't form words right then, but the moan hopefully got the point across. If not, then it probably did when I shifted onto one arm and tugged at his shirt.

"Let me sit up." He said.

I moved back, and he sat up and pulled off his shirt. He paused, eyeing me self-consciously, but then tossed his shirt aside and lay back down, some pink blooming in his cheeks.

I bit my lip as I looked him up and down. "I don't know what you're worried about." I slide my hands up his chest.

"Well, I don't exactly have…" He trailed off as he ran the backs of his fingers over my abs.

"That's not a bad thing." I leaned down, letting our lips graze. "It just means your job doesn't demand you to starve yourself so you'll look a certain way." The words came out with more bitterness than I'd intended, and I was afraid they'd kill the mood, so I went in for a deeper kiss.

Logan didn't protest. He wrapped his arms around me again, and now our bare chests pressed together while we got lost in another kiss. Holy shit, I hadn't imagined how amazing that would feel...just having my skin against someone else's.

Oddly, I wasn't in a rush to get the rest of our clothes off. Not out of nerves. There was just something kind of hot about feeling his clothed dick rubbing against mine. About the heat and the friction of grinding together with two layers of denim between us. I couldn't explain it and I didn't try. I just enjoyed the hell out of it.

And dear God, I loved Logan's hands. He never stopped touching me. _Exploring_ me. Kneading. Caressing. Dragging his nails here. Pressing his fingers there. The warmth and softness of his palms gliding across naked skin was so, so much hotter than I ever imagined it could be.

Every fantasy I'd had about sex had skipped over that part just like they'd skipped over how much my breath would catch if we moved just right and he brushed against a nipple, or how my spine would tingle when his hands slid into my back pockets, or how every moan wouldn't just sound, but _feel_. The vibration of his voice and the whisper of his breath were so much sexier than they had any right to be.

Logan broke the kiss with a gasp and let his head fall back on the pillow. "We're still way too dressed."

Whoa. He was right. This was all so much more than I'd imagined, and we weren't even out of our pants yet.

He touched my cheek, concern etched across his flushed face. "If you're… I mean, we don't have to-"

"Clothes. Off." I kissed him lightly. "I want to see you naked."

He bit his lip and groaned, and we both sat up. I was admittedly relieved to see him fumbling with his zipper and button. At least that meant it wasn't just me. In a matter of seconds, we'd kicked off our remaining clothes, and then we… paused.

With an arm's length or so between us, we looked each other up and down. Oh my God, he was sexy. He didn't need a damn six-pack. He was perfectly fit with well-defined muscles. And his dick? Not one of those terrifying things that showed up in pornos and made me wonder how it didn't do some damage, and certainly not lacking either. In fact, I was pretty sure we were roughly the same size.

Roughly the same size, and definitely just as hard.

I watched, my mouth watering, as Logan lay back on the pillows again. He put one arm behind his head, and with his other hand, slowly started stroking himself, displaying his entire body like a pornographic gift.

"Are you just gonna watch?" His grin was playful, but there was a hint of uneasiness too. Shyness, maybe.

"Definitely gonna do more than just watch." I crawled on top of him and kissed him. "Just savoring all the sights."

He made a soft, amused sound, and pulled me down into a deeper kiss. His other hand was still between us, still stroking himself, and that was… God, why was that so hot? And then his knuckles grazed my cock, and I almost came unglued. With a gasp, I broke the kiss and let my head fall beside his.

"What's wrong?" There was a grin in his voice. Before I could answer, he kissed under my jaw, and I shivered hard, pressing my dick against his hand and burying my face in his neck. Logan laughed softly, and then let his lips skate across the side of my neck, which gave me goosebumps. And if I liked it, he probably would too, right? So I did the same, kissing his hot skin, and he rewarded me with a low groan.

Logan wrapped his fingers around my cock, and suddenly this absurdly hot man was kissing my neck and stroking my dick, and I didn't care if we did anything else tonight.

Though my arms weren't as steady as they should have been, I shifted onto one elbow and reached down to tease him. Logan gasped. So did I. I'd never touched anyone's cock except my own, and it was dizzying to feel him respond every time I slid my thumb over the head or squeezed gently. He stroked me harder, so I did the same.

In no time, we were panting against each other's throats and pumping each other's cocks fast and hard, swearing softly in between kissing and even nipping now and then. Logan's hips moved a little, pushing his cock through my fist, and without even thinking about it, I did the same. The bed creaked in time with our jerky movements. Our breathing came in sharp, hot huffs that were in almost perfect sync. I couldn't even kiss his neck anymore. I just couldn't concentrate because everything felt so incredible.

Then Logan whispered, "Get...get on your back."

Excitement zinged through me. I had no idea what he had in mind, but nothing had disappointed me so far, so I did as I was told, and Logan was right there with me. Before I'd even settled on the bed, he was on top. He kissed me even more passionately than before, and I held onto his shoulders just to keep myself anchored as I lost myself in him.

Sometimes I'd wondered why people were so obsessed with sex. Orgasms were great and men were hot, but if someone needed it that bad, why not just jerk off and be done with it? Now I got it. My hand and toys could never come close to all the things he was doing to me. Rubbing one out by myself was fine and good, but now there was hot skin and stuttering breath and throaty curses. Things I'd never imagined at all turned out to be sexy as hell, like the weight of someone else on top of me and deep kisses that gave away how turned on we both were. I was never going to be satisfied alone again. Not after this.

Oh, but Logan wasn't done yet.

He broke the kiss and started down my neck. Little by little, he inched farther down, and when his soft lips crested my collarbone, I breathed out, "Oh fuck."

He breathed a warm laugh onto my chest as his eyes flicked up to meet mine. Then he pressed another kiss to my skin before continuing his path. Just thinking about what he might have in mind had my pulse soaring and my fingers gripping the covers. If everything we'd done so far had driven me this wild, a blowjob might very well send me up in flames.

Logan kissed the middle of my chest, but instead of continuing south, he moved to the side and ran the tip of his tongue around my nipple. I gasped so sharply my back lifted off the bed. That… that should _not_ have been that intense. Holy hell. Then he did it again, and yeah, it _was_ that intense. He gently held my nipple between his teeth and teased it with his tongue.

"Oh my God." I breathed, watching in wide-eyed disbelief. I'd never thought of my nipples as being that sensitive. I also hadn't thought about how hot it would be to watch a guy teasing me like this. Especially whenever his eyes flicked up to meet mine.

He moved to the other side and did the same. I swore, gripping the covers as my toes curled. It seriously shouldn't have felt this good, but Jesus, it so did.

And once he had me ready to burst into flames, he kissed his way back to the middle of my chest and started down again. My ab muscles contracted involuntarily under the soft touch of his lips, and he was still in no hurry. He kissed everywhere. Down the center. Up my sides. Almost back up to my ribs. Skin that had never been touched this intimately was suddenly the center of his attention, and I was coming unraveled with every touch of his lips.

"That's amazing." I breathed out.

He kissed just above my hip bone and looked up at me. "I haven't even done anything yet."

"Oh. Yeah." I moistened my lips. "You have."

His grin was wicked and knowing , and when he gently bit the spot he'd just kissed, I almost came up off the bed.

And he picked _that_ moment-when I'd lost my breath and thought I was going to fall to pieces-to give my cock a long, hot lick.

"Holy fuck!" I was instantly up on my elbows, staring down at him again. He flashed me another grin, and then he took me between his lips, swallowing me almost to the base and… oh God. Oh. My. God. The wet heat of his mouth was unbelievable, and he was squeezing with his lips and doing something with his tongue and… _oh God._ He was relentless too. One second he was focusing on the head, the next he was deep-throating, and then he added his hand and started making slick strokes while he licked around the head.

Nothing had ever turned me on like watching and feeling him go down on me. Watching blowjobs in porn was hot, but this? When it was him, and I was on the receiving end? Fuck. I kind of didn't want to come too soon, but like hell was I going to fight anything this insanely hot.

"I'm gonna… gonna come." I sounded like I was on the verge of tears. "Shit, Logan, I'm…"

He hummed around my dick and stroked it faster, and yeah, no, there was no holding back. My back arched off the bed and I made a sound I didn't even recognize as my own voice as I came in his mouth, and he moaned again and kept right on pumping and licking me until I collapsed onto the mattress.

The room was spinning. My body was trembling. And I'd never felt more amazing in my life.

* * *

Somewhere in the last twenty-four hours, James had mostly ceased to be my movie star crush, and had become just James. Just a guy who I could talk to about anything, who adored my dog, and who wasn't some larger-than-life celebrity living in another world. Just James.

But for a few starstruck seconds, I had to marvel at the reality that James Diamond was splayed across my bed, naked skin flushed and gleaming with sweat, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. His cock was still hard and my mouth was still salty with his release, and yeah, that did something for my inner fanboy.

I eased myself down on the mattress beside him. "Enjoy that?"

James nodded, wiping a hand over his face. When he turned to me, he looked almost drunk. "That was amazing."

I grinned and had to fight the urge to lean in and kiss him. Not all guys were okay with kissing someone who just had semen in his mouth, especially if they were new to this.

But then James curved a hand behind my neck, drew me down, and kissed me, and he kissed me like he _knew_ I'd taste like come and he _wanted_ it. He pushed his tongue between my lips and growled as he kissed me hard enough for his stubble to slightly burn my chin. His hand slid into my hair, holding me firmly against him. Not that I had any inclination to pull away. I loved how he kissed, and I loved when men were turned on tasting themselves. Blowjobs were extra fun to give when I knew I'd be getting kissed like this afterward.

Only the need for air made me break away, and I pressed our foreheads together. His was feverishly hot. Mine probably was too.

After a few breaths, I started to speak, but suddenly James' fingers were around my cock, and I forgot how. I closed my eyes. "Fuck…"

"I have no idea what I'm doing." He whispered. "But I want to make you as crazy as you just made me." His lips brushed mine. "Tell me what you want me to do."

I shivered hard. Asking what I wanted? He was already light years ahead of most guys I'd been with. "What you're doing now is...Jesus…"

"Good thing we still have the rest of the weekend." He murmured, pumping just a little harder. "There is so much I want to do."

"Ugh. Me too." I squeezed my eyes shut and rocked my hips in time with his hand. "Don't want to move too fast, but I…" I huffed out a breath and shivered again, as much from the images in my mind as his strokes.

"Tell me." He pleaded. "Do you… do you want to fuck me?" The hunger in his voice was the hottest thing I'd ever heard.

 _If I didn't before, I sure as hell do now._

I licked my lips and struggled to keep my thoughts in order. "Definitely don't want to rush into that." I exhaled, then kissed him softly before I added, "Don't want to hurt you."

"You won't." He slowed his strokes and let his thumb tease the head. "I've, um… never been with a person, but I've got toys."

I drew back to look into his eyes. "You do?"

James nodded. "Mm-hmm. Wanted to know what it felt like. To be fucked."

"And you liked it?"

"I love it." His voice was strained with need. "I _want_ it."

"Jesus." I touched my forehead to his again, and I was thrusting into his hand now. Between his touch and his words and the mental image of riding his beautiful ass, I wanted-needed-to come before I went out of my mind. "If you want to be fucked, baby," I panted. "Just say the word and I will-"

"Yes, please." He moaned.

And I lost it.

I threw my head back, cried out, and shot my load all over his hand and arm. He kept stroking until I stopped him with a hand on his wrist, and when he let me go, I collapsed onto my back beside him. "Holy shit."

"That was hot."

"Yeah, it was." I turned to him and blinked my eyes into focus. "I probably would've lasted longer, but thinking about topping you…"

He grinned. "Sorry?"

"Uh-huh. Sure you are." I gestured past him. "There's tissues over there, by the way."

"Oh." He glanced down his arm. "Yeah. Good idea. You need some?"

"Just bring the whole box over."

He twisted around, picked up the box, and plunked it down between us. Once we'd cleaned up, he put the box back and tossed the used tissues in the trash. When he joined me in the middle again, we faced each other on our sides. I draped my arm over him, and we shared a few lazy kisses as the dust settled.

"I'm serious, by the way." He said after a while. "I really do want you to top me."

"I've got condoms and lube." I combed my fingers through his disheveled hair. "I definitely won't say no if you're sure you want it."

He nodded. "I do."

"And you've tried it on your own?"

Another nod. "Yeah. It always turned me on, seeing it in porn, so I thought I'd see what it was like for real." He laughed softly as a blush crept into his cheeks. "It took a little trial and error, and it was a bit of a contortionist act until I got the hang of it, but I figured it out."

I chuckled. "Sounds about right. It's a lot easier with someone else." And it was a relief to know he'd already tried it. He knew at least some of his own limits, then. He probably knew how to relax. Hell, he had to if he'd been able to enjoy it. There'd probably still be some nerves, but bottoming for the first time had to be less daunting for someone who already knew what it felt like.

Absently running my hand up and down his side, I said, "You know, if you want to, you could stay here tonight and tomorrow instead of at your hotel."

His eyebrows rose. "Really?"

"Of course." I slid closer to him. "Then we don't have to get up and dressed afterward." I smiled as I slid my palm up his back. "We can just go to sleep."

"That sounds amazing, actually." He dropped his gaze, watching his fingers trail along my arm. "I've, um, never shared a bed with anyone. Kind of always wanted to."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He looked at me through his lashes and smiled. "I think that's the part I wanted more than sex, to be honest."

"Well, fortunately, the two kind of go together. You don't have to choose between them."

James laughed quietly. "Damn. Color me sold."

We both chuckled, and I lifted my head for a gentle kiss.

Meeting my eyes again, he asked, "So, do you switch? Or just top?"

"I like both. I enjoy bottoming as long as the guy isn't too big."

"You mean like some of those guys in pornos?" He grimaced. "Where the hell does a person _put_ all that?"

I snorted. "Don't know. I dated a guy in college who was massive. Like, if I saw a picture of his dick now, I'd swear it was photoshopped."

James' eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yeah. I kind of felt for the guy, honestly. He liked to top, but not many guys could handle him."

"I thought guys liked big dicks."

"Yeah, but there's big, and there's _big_. I was able to take him a few times, but it involved a few drinks and tons of lube, and I'd be sore for days after."

"Damn." He grimaced again. "I don't think I ever want to try taking a guy that big."

"Well, it's your lucky day, because you won the lottery and got me and my very average-sized dick."

James laughed. "Average is just fine, thank you. In fact, I think you're about the same size as my favorite toy, so yeah, I guess I did win the lottery."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. Anything bigger just seemed kind of scary." He wrinkled his nose a bit. "Is that weird? That I used toys and stuff on myself instead of going out and finding the real thing?"

"Not at all. Especially after everything you told me, but even if all that hadn't been a factor, there's nothing wrong with experimenting on your own. There's a lot less performance anxiety that way."

He nodded. "That's true. Getting the hang of everything is a lot easier without an audience."

"Exactly." I grinned. "And it means that when you go for the real thing, you already know you can handle it. So there's nothing left to do except enjoy the ride."

James shivered, which pushed him a bit closer to me. "I'm really looking forward to that part."

"So am I." I pulled him the rest of the way in so our bodies pressed together. "Believe me, so am I."

XxX

We could have easily spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in bed, but we were both getting hungry and we needed to get James' luggage from the hotel. So, after we'd lounged for a while, we got up and got dressed.

I let Lola out in the backyard for a few minutes, then brought her inside and fed her. While she chomped happily on her food, James and I left.

As I drove down my street, he said, "You're sure about me staying with you?"

"Of course. If we're sleeping together, we might as well _sleep_ together."

"True. I just… I don't want to encroach on your space, you know?" He paused. "I mean, if you think about it, we just met."

"Fair point. But no, I don't think you're encroaching." I reached across the console and put my hand over his. "I want you there. As long as you want to be there."

"I do." He turned his hand over and laced our fingers together. "This is all totally new territory for me, though. I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. In the bedroom or… the rest of it."

I glanced at him, and his features were taut with palpable worry. I rubbed my thumb over his. "Relax. We're kind of making up the rules as we go along. Still feeling each other out and figuring out where boundaries are. That kind of thing." I gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "We haven't even gotten to everything in the bedroom, so it's totally normal for everything else to be up in the air."

His hand relaxed slightly in mine. "Okay. Okay, good. I'm probably overthinking it all, but like I said, this is new." He paused, and his voice was even softer as he added, "I really don't want to screw it up."

I flashed him a quick and hopefully reassuring smile before I had to focus on the road again. "I don't either. I have no idea what we're doing or how in the world we got to this point…" I laughed, and so did he. Sobering a bit, I said, "But I don't want to screw it up either."

"So, does this mean we're agreeing to cut each other some slack until we find our footing?"

I considered it, and then shrugged. "Yeah. I guess it does. It sounds like a really good idea, actually."

He chuckled, sounding more relieved than anything. "Awesome." He fell silent for a long moment. I wondered if he even knew he was rubbing his fingers against the back of my hand, or if that was a subconscious thing. Either way, I didn't bring it to his attention because I liked it and didn't want him to stop.

"So…" He said after a while. "Would it be too soon to mention that I want to see you again? After this weekend?"

My heart skipped. "You do?"

"Yeah. I wanted to anyway. Before we… before today. But now I _really_ do."

"Me too." Talk about an understatement. It wasn't just that I wanted to see him again. I didn't want him to leave. Of course, he had to because he had a job and a life in California, but a guy could dream.

James shifted in his seat, still holding my hand. "You're more than welcome to come see me in LA, but I'm happy to come up here too. Especially since I know you probably don't want to leave Lola for long."

I glanced at him again. "You don't mind coming up here?"

"Of course not. And at least for the next few months, my schedule will probably be more flexible than yours."

"That's true, but I don't want you doing all the legwork."

"What about Lola?"

"She stays with a friend whenever I go out of town, and she gets to play with their dogs until none of them can move. Trust me, she'll be fine." I slowed to a stop at a red light and stole the opportunity to look his way. "It's really sweet that you're concerned about her, though."

"Of course I am. She's like your kid."

"She is. But she'll be fine, I promise."

"In that case, you're welcome to come to my place anytime." He paused, and sobered a bit as he added, "Just, um, fair warning, there are a lot of people in LA who know my face, and a lot of them have cameras."

I suppressed a shudder. A cold revulsion crept through me at the thought of people staring at me, taking my picture, whispering about me, and making judgements about my life all because I was hanging out with James. Just imagining being in LA with him, facing those cameras...it sent be right back to that middle school stage and all those eyes on me. The knowing smirks. The raised brows. The humiliating feeling of they're bullying.

I took a deep breath and let it out. Deep down, I knew that was the reality of being with someone as high-profile as James. It terrified me, but I wanted to be with him. If I had to deal with some attention from strangers, well, I was a grown man now. I could live with it if it meant having James in my life.

Though maybe I could be forgiven for wanting to ease into it. Getting used to it before diving in.

The light turned green, so I accelerated into the intersection. "Well, we don't necessarily have to _go_ anywhere when I'm in town, right? I'm pretty sure we can keep ourselves entertained."

James laughed. "True."

"And I mean, I grew up in Orange County, so it's not like I need to play tourist in LA."

"Oh, right. I forgot about that. So, yeah. We'll stay in and entertain ourselves."

We exchanged glances, and both grinned.

And holy hell, I couldn't wait.

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like things are moving forwards with Jagan!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, hopefully this chapter turned out okay. The next chapter should be up before this weekend, so if all goes according to plan, you all won't have too long of a wait for that. :P**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Guest, and Side1ways for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

When we left Logan's house, I'd figured we would go to my hotel, grab my things, come back, and tumble into bed again. After all, it was more than enough time for both of us to recover after going one round. Hell, we could have gone one more before we even left the house.

But then we ended up at that Thai place again.

We debated eating light because we still had plans for the evening, but I could smell the Pad Thai a server was carrying past our table, and then a minute later she walked by carrying half a pineapple filled with fried rice, and… fuck it.

When our waiter put a plate of Pad Thai in front of Logan and a pineapple in front of me, we looked at each other across the mountains of food, and both shrugged. We wouldn't be able to move much after this, much less fool around, but it was just _so good_. And since I was done with my promo tour and wasn't filming again for a few weeks, I could actually eat like a normal human being for one goddamned weekend.

"I know this is probably going to kill our plans for later tonight." I said as I loaded some rice and pineapple on my fork. "But I can't resist."

Logan laughed, twirling some noodles around his own fork. "This is totally fine by me. I mean, this was kind of the best case scenario I was imagining for the weekend anyway."

I cocked my head. "What do you mean?"

"Well, we were pretty much strangers." He shrugged and nudged a piece of chicken onto the twirled noodles. "I was just hoping we'd actually get along and have a good time. I wasn't expecting, um…"

"Yeah, me too, actually." I took a bite of the rice and pineapple. And oh yeah, totally worth it. Totally fucking worth it. The sweet and savory flavors were so perfect, it had to be witchcraft. It wasn't spicy at all, either, but it was bursting with flavor.

After I'd taken a sip of water, I said, "I'm not complaining about how things worked out."

God, his smile was so adorable. I would _never_ get tired of that.

"I'm not complaining either." He said. "And even if we stuff our faces tonight, we still have tomorrow night."

I squirmed in my seat. "Yeah, we do. All day tomorrow, in fact."

"Mm-hmm. I can't decide if I want to take you to Seattle and play tourist, or just stay home and…"

"Play porn star?"

Logan laughed. "Something like that, yeah."

"Why don't we see how we feel in the morning?" I let the toe of my shoe subtly graze his under the table. Enough to let him know I meant it, but not enough to draw anyone else's attention. "We don't need an itinerary or anything."

"True." He nudged my foot back. "Playing it by ear sounds good. It's worked out for us so far."

"It so has." I put some more rice and vegetables on my fork. "I am kind of interested in that Seattle Underground Tour. I saw something about it once, and I've always been curious about it."

"We can do that, then."

"Or we can save it for the next trip. I'm easy." As soon as the last two words came out, my mouth snapped shut and my cheeks were on fire.

Logan chuckled and reached across the table to pat my arm. "I know what you meant. It's okay."

"Ugh." I groaned and rolled my eyes. "I don't think before I speak sometimes. Especially when there isn't a camera in my face."

At that, his humor faded. "How do you handle that, anyway? Having people chase you around and ask you obnoxious questions?"

"I constantly remind myself that I love what I do and those idiots are the price of admission."

"Okay, fair. But still... that has to drive you insane."

I shrugged tightly, shifting my attention to the food that suddenly wasn't quite so appetizing. As I chased a chunk of pineapple around in the rice, I said, "I won't lie. It sucks. Every time I leave my house, I have to decide if I want to go out of my way to sneak past them, or just suck it up and let them see me. I can't go anywhere or do anything without someone snapping a picture and then speculating about what it means." I sighed. "Shit, last year? Someone got their hands on a picture of me spacing out in line at the grocery store, and everyone went nuts trying to figure out what I was thinking."

"I remember that." Logan admitted softly. "I, um, think it got turned into a meme, actually."

"Yeah, it did." I laughed dryly and speared the piece of pineapple a little harder than I needed to before I met Logan's gaze. "You want to know what I was thinking in that picture?"

He nodded.

I laughed again. "I was trying to remember if I was supposed to pick up laundry detergent or if I had enough at home."

Logan's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"Yeah. But I mean, you snap a picture of someone when they're in mid-sentence or mid-thought or fucking chewing something, and you can read all kinds of shit into what their expression means." I glanced at the fork, wondering if I really wanted that piece of pineapple. Lowering the fork, I exhaled.

"It's like everyone wants celebrities to be _on_ all the time. If we leave the house wearing something comfortable and not looking like we're ready to hit the red carpet, people wig out. If we aren't smiling, people have to speculate about what it means. If we…" I hesitated.

Logan sat up a bit. "What?"

I swallowed, and struggled to meet his eyes. "If they see us out in public with someone, it has to _mean_ something."

His eyes widened. "Wow. I mean, I knew that, kind of. I see the tabloids and all. But...damn."

"Yeah. So that means if someone sees us…" I chewed my lip.

It was Logan's turn to stare at his food, and I got the feeling he wasn't so hungry anymore either. Especially when his eyes flicked to the sides like he was surreptitiously assessing our surroundings and wondering if we were being watched. We weren't, though a woman had looked at me with possible recognition before taking a seat at another table, mercifully putting her back to me.

I shifted uncomfortably and folded my arms on the table's edge. "If you don't want to deal with that shit, I'll understand. Believe me, it's not picnic. So if it's a deal-breaker, just-"

"No, it isn't." Logan shook his head and looked in my eyes. "I'm trying to get my head around it, but no, it's not a deal-breaker."

"Are you sure?"

He nodded, and slowly, a smile came to life. "I want to see you again."

My heart swelled, but smiling back was a struggle. "They _will_ speculate about us. I guarantee it. And they don't hold back about anything. What kind of relationship we have. If you're cheating on me because you stood within five feet of another guy. What we're doing in bed. It's all fair game."

Logan shuddered. "Yeah. I know. I've seen the things they say about you."

I blinked. I'd kind of assumed as much since he'd been a fan and God knew the tabloids always seemed to find plenty to say about me, but it was a bit surreal to have confirmation. Especially since I'd always wondered what it would be like to date someone who'd read all that bullshit about me. Whether it would affect a relationship or change how a guy looked at me.

I fidgeted some more. "For the record, some of it's true, but most of it's not. If you're wondering about any of it, it's okay to ask."

"Nah." He shook his head. "It's tabloids, not your Tinder profile."

That actually made me laugh. "I totally should've made a Tinder profile with nothing but those stupid headlines."

Logan laughed too. "It would've gotten some attention, that's for sure."

"Right?" I snorted. "Swipe right if you want the real story behind _that_ photo."

He chuckled, but quickly sobered. "Living under a microscope like that… God. I don't know how you do it."

I grimaced. "Well, if we keep doing this and don't keep it as discreet as possible, you might find out." My stomach clenched, and I was instantly convinced Logan would take that comment to heart and suggest I stay the hell in California. Maybe even move my flight up to tomorrow. Or tonight.

But instead, he took and released a deep breath, and met my eyes. "I'd rather put up with photographers and wild speculation about my life than have the same regret I've had for the last five years."

That caught me off-guard, and I straightened, not sure how to respond.

Logan swallowed. "I've seriously been kicking myself ever since for not getting your number. I don't want to spend the next five years wondering what might have been."

Holy crap. I could barely breathe as I held his gaze, taking in the sincerity in his eyes and his quiet words. Finally, I managed, "Really?"

"Yeah." Without so much as a wary glance around the room, he put his hand on my arm again, and he left it there. "I want to see what happens if we keep doing this. It might take some time to get used to the cameras, but they're not going to chase me off."

I exhaled, putting my hand over the top of his. "Good. Because I want to see what happens too."

XxX

Though neither of us finished our food, we'd still eaten more than enough to leave us both full and lethargic. By the time we got back to his place and brought my handful of luggage up to his bedroom, about the most either of us was good for was flopping on the couch and watching TV.

Which is exactly what we did.

Logan's couch was a pretty good size, but it did get a little crowded with the two of us and a slowly expanding Lola. She took up a cushion and a half, leaving us to share the remaining one and a half. That was fine, though, I curled up with Logan. Aside from occasionally having to move my feet to accommodate Lola's hind legs, not to mention getting whacked with her tail whenever she moved, it was perfect. I didn't even really mind the legs or tail.

After we'd watched a couple episodes of a comedy, Logan said, "Have you watched Altered Carbon?"

"Not yet. Is it good?"

"Oh my God, yes. It's dark and twisted, but it's awesome." He trailed his fingers up and down my arm. "Want to try the first episode and see if you like it?"

"But you've already seen it, right?"

Logan chuckled and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "I'm the kind of guy who will watch and re-watch something a million times if I like it. Trust me, I don't mind."

"Well, in that case…" I said with a shrug. "Sure."

He pulled up the show and clicked on the first episode. "You want anything before it starts?"

"That's kind of a baited question, isn't it?"

Logan blushed. "I meant like a drink or something."

I sighed with theatrical disappointment. "Aww. Damn it."

"But, I mean, if you've got something else in mind…"

We gazed at each other, and after a few beats, I reached over as drew him into a kiss. I'd only meant for a quick one. Maybe a playful one.

The instant our lips met, though, I knew we weren't going anywhere. He had me mesmerized just like he had out on the beach and lying in bed. It wasn't like I'd never been kissed before today-though I'd never had sex, I had made out a few times in my life-but Logan's kiss stopped time.

Lola grunted and flopped hard beside me. Then she kicked my leg, startling me enough to break the kiss. I glanced back at her. She was on her back with her head hanging off the cushion.

Logan took advantage of me turning away, and he shifted a bit before leaning down to kiss my neck.

"Oh God." I whispered. Yeah, so much for watching TV. I didn't see us fucking after we'd eaten so much earlier, but I was pretty sure there was still plenty we could do. That after-dinner lethargy was sure as hell evaporating, especially as Logan trailed hot kisses up to my ear. I leaned into him, tilting my head to silently encourage him.

He nibbled my earlobe, and I was caught off-guard by how sexy that was. If I hadn't already been painfully hard by that point, I definitely would've been as soon as his teeth pressed into my skin.

"Jesus Christ." I moaned. "Why is that so hot?"

He laughed, a rush of warm breath whispering past my ear. "Does it really matter why?"

"Good point."

He bit it gently again. "You know, we did walk around a lot today." He murmured. "And we fooled around earlier. Probably wouldn't hurt to grab a shower."

"Mmm, good idea. Maybe we should share one." I slid my hand over his thigh. "To save water, I mean."

"To save water. Right. Good thinking."

He lifted his head, and when our eyes met, we both grinned. Then, without a word, we got up and headed for the stairs.

* * *

I couldn't get enough of James. All the fantasies I'd ever had of him had basically turned to dust, and I was hooked on the real thing. Not just on how hot he was-because holy shit, this man was gorgeous-but everything. The uncertain but hungry way he touched me. How he kissed like he'd be perfectly happy just doing that for the rest of the night. The little sounds of surprise and arousal whenever I found some hot-spot zone he apparently hadn't known about.

Virgins weren't usually my thing, but James' lack of experience wasn't an issue at all. Though he was tentative sometimes, he was eager and enthusiastic, and he so clearly wanted to do it right. Whenever I'd try something new-nibbling his earlobe, for example-it wouldn't be long before he reciprocated. First cautiously, then confidently.

As we stood in the shower, naked bodies pressed together and arms around each other, he nipped my earlobe and made my groan.

"Mmm, like that?" He whispered in my ear over the rush of water.

"Yeah." I cupped his firm ass and pulled him against my dick. "Like...everything you're doing."

"Good." He said with a quiet laugh. "Then I'm not fucking anything up."

"Oh my God, no, you're not." I nudged the side of his face with mine, and when he lifted his head, I claimed his mouth again. I understood his shyness. No one wanted to be a clueless virgin. If he only knew how much he was driving me wild. There was a certain innocence about him that intoxicated me. Every touch and sensation was something shiny and new, and I loved the look of surprise in his expression and the soft, startled moans whenever I found some other way to turn him on.

The water was starting to cool down, so I broke away and turned it off. In the sudden silence, I said, "Want to move into the bedroom?"

James nodded, licking his slightly swollen lips. Water clung to his eyelashes and stubble, and his hair was deliciously mussed. He looked just like he had in one of his sexier roles-a film two years ago that had included a shower scene-but he wasn't on the screen now. He was right here in my house, naked and hard and ready to join me in my bed. Whoa.

We quickly dried off, then headed into the bedroom.

Before I could lie down, James stopped me, and when I faced him, he wrapped me up in another kiss. Fuck, yes, I loved this. Standing up, lying down, sitting on a couch or a piece of driftwood...I didn't care as long as James' arms were around me and his tongue was teasing mine. Had it really only been a few hours since our first kiss? Since the first time I'd felt his warm and soft lips? Because it felt like we'd been doing this since the beginning of time.

He broke the kiss again and met my eyes. His were gleaming with lust, his pupils dilated. "Can I, um…" He sucked his lower lip into his mouth. I couldn't tell if the pink in his cheeks was a blush or from the heat of the shower. "I…"

I caressed his cheek with the backs of my knuckles. "Hmm?"

James swallowed. "I really, really want to try going down on you."

Oh fuck, my mind was suddenly full of images of James kneeling at my feet with those lips around my cock, and I was nodding before I'd even found my breath again. "Well, I'm not gonna say no."

He smiled self-consciously, sliding his hand down between us. "Just, um… I've never done this before, okay? I have no idea what I'm-"

I kissed him softly. "Don't worry about it. Just don't use your teeth and don't deep-throat far enough to choke yourself. That's pretty much all there is to it."

"Oh. Seriously?"

I nodded. "And fair warning, it's _really_ hard to get me off that way, so if I don't come, it's not you."

"Good to know." He said softly.

I stepped back, taking him with me, and sank onto the edge of the bed. Oh, this was a gorgeous view. A thick erection, washboard abs, toned chest, gorgeous face. I trailed my fingertips down his six-pack. "In case I haven't mentioned it, you are fucking _hot_."

James laughed, and this time the color in his cheeks was definitely a blush. He came down to kiss me, let it linger for a moment, and then went to his knees between my parted legs. He ran his palms up my inner thighs. Looking at me through his lashes, he slowly stroked my cock. "Is it weird to be really nervous about this?"

"God, no." I smoothed his wet hair. "Everyone is their first time. Like I said, though, just don't use your teeth or choke yourself, and you'll be fine. And you're an amazing kisser, so…"

He licked his lips, eyes still full of uncertainty and bright with lust. "Just keep your expectations low."

"Noted."

We exchanged grins, and then he sat up and moved in closer, and-

Oh.

 _Fuck._

He did the same thing I did when I'd blown him earlier. Started with a long lick up the shaft and a swirl around the head with his tongue.

"Ungh. You're…" I combed my fingers through his wet hair. "You're off to a damn good start."

Some tension eased in his neck and shoulders. Slowly, he started exploring. He'd lick experimentally, then with more confidence when he realized I liked it. He'd take me between his lips, but only so deep, apparently taking my advice to heart. Eventually he might start testing his gag reflex, even pushing it, but not yet, and that was fine by me.

Deep-throating wasn't nearly as good as having the head teased and licked and sucked. James must have picked up on that, because before long, he was focusing most of his attention on the head. His hand slid up and down my spit-slicked shaft, but his lips and tongue stayed right where I loved them most.

I didn't want to accidentally force his head down, so I moved my hand to his arm instead of his hair. Leaning back on my other hand, I stared down at the gorgeous sight, watching James suck cock for the first time in his life. Watching him suck _my_ cock. I didn't give a damn if he got me off. In fact, I was suddenly kind of grateful I'd never been one of those guys who could easily come during a blowjob. It just meant I could enjoy James' exploration.

"Oh God." I breathed. "That feels really good."

He moaned and gave the head a slow lick all the way around. The next moan was mine as I let my head fall back. Every guy I'd ever dated could take a lesson from James about slowly and sensually sucking dick. They'd always focused on doing whatever it took to get me off. Always the destination, never the journey. James, though… _fuck_. He wasn't out to show off or prove anything. This was something new, and something he was clearly discovering he enjoyed, and far be it from me to suggest he stop any time soon.

And...hell, if he kept going like this, he might end up getting me off after all. My orgasm was steadily building, and with no pressure on his part to make me come-and none on my part _to_ come-it was entirely possible I _would_ come.

I kneaded his arm. "I'll tell you before I do," I panted. "But at the rate you're going…" I trailed off into whispered curses.

The low, throaty sound that vibrated against my dick almost did me in. Like he was getting off on this just as much as I was. Holy fuck.

Then I blinked my eyes into focus and realized he was only using one hand, but his other shoulder was moving. Because he was stroking himself too. Slowly-in perfect time with what he was doing to my cock-he stroked his own, and the sight of that and the realization that he was so into this he had to touch himself, was fucking _breathtaking_.

"Oh God." I whispered. "Keep doing that. Exactly what… what you're doing." I closed my eyes and pushed out a breath. "Fuck. You're… if you don't want me to come, you don't have-oh Jesus!"

He doubled down. His hand moved faster and gripped tighter. His lips and tongue relentlessly teased the sensitive head. He was even stroking himself faster, and that more than anything turned me on so much I couldn't speak. I whimpered helplessly and gripped his arm, and he kept right on going, kept on driving me toward that peak, and even when I cried out "gonna come!" he didn't stop. He came. With a moan that thrummed all the way up from my balls to my spine, and a violent shudder, he came.

Ad then I came. _Hard._ Thank God I wasn't standing, or I'd have collapsed right there in front of him from the sheer force of my orgasm.

The first jet of come apparently caught him off-guard, and he pulled his mouth off my dick just in time to get the second spurt right in the face. He swallowed, coughed, and let go of me as he sat back on his heels.

"S-sorry." I murmured, still trembling.

"It's okay." He licked his lips, then wiped some of the come off his cheek with his fingers. Grinning up at me, he said, "That was fucking hot."

"Y-yeah. Yeah. It was. Holy shit."

He rose, legs a bit shaky, and reached for the tissues beside the bed. He needed more than I did. He'd come all over his arm and stomach, and I'd gotten a fair amount on his face.

 _I just came all over James Diamond's face?_

I almost laughed like a drunken idiot. My inner fanboy occasionally piped up with some ridiculous starstruck thought, and yeah, it was pretty wild that I'd just been blown within an inch of my life by the movie star I'd been crushing on since forever.

The thought was fleeting, though. More and more, James really was just James, and tonight he was a man who'd shyly asked me to be his first, and I was more than willing to be his second, third, and so on.

Who knew what was going on between us-if this was just a fling that would fade as soon as he went back to LA, or if there was really something between us-but I was in no hurry to get to the part where it was just a memory. James was a real person, not a face on a screen, and he was here, and at some point, I would be able to wrap my head around that.

We moved on to the bed and lay in the middle of the mattress. James propped his head up on his elbow and gazed at me, his expression sweet and satisfied. "I thought you didn't get off that way."

"I usually don't. I mean, I _can_ … it just takes longer than it does with some guys."

He gave a little half-shrug as a smug grin formed on his lips. "Or it takes the right guy, right?"

"Pretty much." I chuckled, sliding my hand up his chest. "And not that you need it, but if you want to practice your technique at all, just say the word. I'm happy to volunteer."

"I'll keep that in mind. That, and all the other things I want to try, right?"

"Well, within reason." I arched an eyebrow. "If it involves something weird, I might have to delegate it to someone else."

James laughed, that gorgeous sound making my head spin. He slid a bit closer and draped his arm over me. "I don't think anything weird is on my list."

"Good. In that case, I'm happy to help."

He kissed me lightly, letting it go on for a second or two before he pulled back. "You did say you have condoms and lube, right?"

I nodded, gesturing toward the nightstand.

"Awesome." His grin somehow balanced perfectly between innocent and wicked. "We might have to use those tomorrow."

Oh, I _really_ hoped we did.

* * *

 **Done! So, we got more Jagan goodness this chapter. :D**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I loved hearing your feedback on last chapter and I'm so glad you all are enjoying it and that you find James and Logan as adorable as I do. :)**

 **The next chapter will be up this weekend, so you won't have to wait too long for that!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to RainbowDiamonds, winterschild11, Guest, and Side1ways for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I awoke to Logan shifting around beside me. Had he been that restless all night? And I'd slept right through it?

But then a distinctly canine sigh told me it wasn't Logan at all. Lola was lying between us, her back against mine, and I was almost to the edge of the bed. And according to my phone, it was only 6:45, so to hell with being awake.

"Really?" I muttered as I turned over. "Do you really need that much space?"

She responded by rolling onto her back, and taking up even more of my side of the bed. I had to laugh. She was hogging an awful lot of the mattress, but she was pretty cute like that with her paws in the air and her head squished between the pillows.

And just beyond her was Logan. He was facing the other way, his dark hair mussed as he snored quietly. The blanket covered him to the waist, but left the rest of his bare torso exposed. For some reason, seeing the expanse of skin reminded me of when Logan had told me about how he had briefly considered getting a tattoo, which made me think of myself. Short of tattooing the inside of my ass crack or something, there was no hiding anything from the world.

Logan, though, still had a certain amount of privacy. He could get tattoos, and no one would see them unless he wanted them to.

I envied him for that, but it also made my heart sink. He had a private life. If someone recognized him on the street, it was more than likely someone he actually knew, not a stranger who would ask him probing questions or try to take his picture. How long would that last if he kept seeing me? And yeah, he said he could cope with it, but that was easy to say _now_. Back before I'd had my big break, I'd waved off any concerns about the realities of fame because I wanted the life of an actor and everything that came with it. I'd insisted I was ready for it, but I hadn't been. To some extent, I probably still wasn't.

For me, it was the price of admission to have my career and everything that came with it. The Filmmaker Award, my bank balance, and having made some movies I was really proud of were all worth the bullshit whenever I tried to leave the house. Usually, anyway.

For Logan, there was no payoff except me. It was one thing for me to decide that the life I got to live was worth the constant media attention. It was another for him to get the same level of attention in exchange for me. For a guy who had no idea what he was doing, didn't know how relationships worked, and sometimes had anxiety that exhausted everyone around me.

I sighed, wishing Lola wasn't between us so I could cuddle up against his warm, gorgeous body. Looking at him over his giant dog would have to suffice for now.

And I didn't see myself pushing him away over the possibility of him hating the media presence. I liked him too much and was too curious about what might happen between us. Deep down, though, I was pretty sure I should be ready for _him_ to get tired of the cameras and push _me_ away. Could I really blame him if he did? _When_ he did?

 _Well_ , I thought as I gazed at him, _guess I'll enjoy this while it lasts._

XxX

I managed to doze off again, and when I woke up this time, the sun was brighter and my phone showed it was a much more reasonable nine o'clock. There was still a warm, solid presence against my back, but it wasn't Lola this time.

Logan nuzzled the base of my neck. "Morning."

"Morning."

His arm was draped over me, so I found his fingers and gently clasped out fingers together.

"How did you get Lola to move?" I slurred.

"Hmm?"

"She was between us. Damn near pushed me off the bed."

Logan laughed sleepily and kissed behind my ear. "Sounds about right. She got up when I went to use the bathroom." He twisted around a bit like he was looking over his shoulder. "So now she's taken over _my_ side."

"Oh, I see. So you just came over here because the dog stole your spot."

"Well, yeah." He let his chin graze my shoulder just before his soft lips brushed my neck again. "It's a good excuse, though, right?"

"Like you need an excuse."

He laughed and held me closer to him. "I'll have to remember that, then. Note to self, don't need an excuse to cuddle up with James."

"Nope. None at all." _In fact, please do. As often as possible._

He chuckled. "So, now that we're awake, we've got a whole day ahead of us. You still want to do the Underground Tour?"

"Could be fun." _But do we have to leave this bed? Because I'm pretty sure that's not just morning wood pushing against my ass._ "What about you?"

"I'm game. Just need to take Lola for a walk first. Maybe we could take her with us and go grab breakfast, then we'll go into Seattle?"

"Sounds perfect." _Except the part about getting out of bed._ "We should probably get a shower first, though."

"Mmm, yeah. And share one, right? So we don't waste water?"

"Exactly."

* * *

Thanks to our shower turning into a couple of frantic handjobs against the wall, it was a solid hour before James and I were finally dressed and presentable. With that out of our systems for the moment, we took Lola with us to a cafe down the street that allowed dogs in their patio seating, and after we'd dropped her off at home, I drove us into Seattle.

"You know," James said as the city came into view. "For some reason, I thought the Space Needle would be bigger than that."

"Yeah, a lot of pictures make it look big compared to the skyscrapers." I gestured toward it. "But that's all there is." I'd had the same impression when I'd first moved to Washington. The Space Needle had always seemed much bigger in pictures, but it really wasn't. The only reason it was visible at all was that it was set apart from most of the taller buildings, which were clustered together.

"You ever go up in it?" James asked.

"A few times. After the last time, I probably won't ever again."

"Why's that?"

"Partly because I went with my ex, but mostly because it was _really_ windy that day." I glanced at James, and realized he was watching me blankly. "The Space Needle is specifically designed to sway. Which, I mean, it's a good thing. That's what keeps it from breaking during an earthquake or a windstorm. But when you're up in it and it's swaying?" I shuddered, stomach lurching at the memory.

"Wow. I'm surprised they let people go up when it's like that."

"I don't think they usually do. The wind didn't pick up until we were already having dinner." I shot the Needle a wary look. "We, uh, didn't stick around for dessert."

This time it was James who shuddered. "I don't blame you. Good God. And holy shit, I can't even imagine being up there during an earthquake. Those are scary enough on the damn ground."

"Agreed."

I continued down to our exit and started the slow crawl through downtown Seattle. I hated driving down here-too many one-way streets and drivers who clearly needed to retake drivers ed-but I tried not to let it show. The GPS took care of figuring out when and where to turn, at least. Navigating this city without a GPS was a nightmare, so thank God for that impatient voice ordering me to turn.

When we were close enough, I turned off the GPS just before I pulled into the famous Sinking Ship parking garage. It was a weird, ugly triangular garage that sloped sharply-hence the name-and about the only place to park besides the street. Fortunately there were some spaces available so I didn't have to showcase my lack of parallel parking skills.

After I'd squeezed the car into a too-small space on the top deck, we paid for the spot and headed for Pioneer Square.

"So this"-I gestured around us-"Is Pioneer Square. Basically one of the oldest parts of Seattle."

James nodded as he took in our surroundings. The buildings here were seriously old by West Coast standards-a hundred years, give or take-and some still had their nineteenth century stone facades. In the middle of the square was the iconic black metal pergola that had been rebuilt a few years ago, and along the edges were some bars and restaurants-old and new-with outdoor seating.

One bar in particular was our destination. Doc Maynard's Public House.

"The tour starts here." I said. "You want to get a drink or anything before."

James shook his head. "Nah, I'm good."

We went inside and bought tickets. It was still early enough in the day that the tours weren't heavily booked, so we snagged the last two spots in the next group, which left in fifteen minutes. The girl selling tickets directed us into the large room beside the bar, and we joined about twenty people waiting for the same tour.

I opened my mouth to say something to James, but three women in their mid-twenties did double takes so hard, I was surprised their necks didn't snap. Their eyes widened, and one put a hand to her mouth. The other was fumbling with her phone. My stomach dropped.

Beside me, James casually turned, apparently to look at some black and white photos on the wall. "So, this bar's been around for a long time."

I cut my eyes toward the women, who were still very much interested in him, then, after a slow breath to release the cold dread, followed his lead. "Yeah. Doc Maynard was one of the founders of the city. I can't remember if this was actually his place or if someone just named it after him."

He looked closer at one of the faded photos. "That's going to happen sometimes. Wish I could so something about it, but…"

"I know." I kept my gaze fixed on one of the photos too. I'd known, and I'd dreaded it. Now that it was actually happening-someone in public had recognized him while we were together-my stomach roiled. I didn't like cameras or attention, not even from a couple of girls who'd probably just text a photo of James to their friends without giving me a second look. Except what if they _did_ notice me? What if the noticed _us_? I hadn't realized until just now how much it would truly bother me to have strangers even potentially wondering how James and I know each other. Judging us. Judging _me_.

 _What am I getting myself into?_

I watched James out of the corner of my eye. Okay, so the attention-imagined or otherwise-was gross, but the tradeoff wasn't so bad. I was with James, after all. I could weather the stares and gossip in exchange for being the one he was hanging out with. Or doing more than hanging out with.

Oblivious to my thoughts, James sighed. He sounded tired. Maybe frustrated or annoyed. Less than happy, anyway.

"Hey." I said softly. "You still want to do this? We can always-"

"Yeah, it's fine." He glanced at me and smiled, though not as brightly as he usually did. "I'm more worried about you than me."

"You're in this too, though." I fought the urge the take his hand. "I'll be all right."

"So will I. If you're not, just say so."

"I will. You too."

A moment later, our tour guide-whose name was Mary-announced that we'd be moving shortly. She gave us a brief overview of the history of Seattle, in particular the part where after the fire in 1889, the city's founders decided to raise the city in order to migrate flooding.

"And that left us with the Underground." She concluded. "You'll be walking through the tunnel's that used to be Seattle's sidewalks. They were used for everything from opium dens to bootlegging during Prohibition. Also, since we are going to be underground and these tunnels are only used for tours, you're going to want to watch out for things like uneven ground, pieces of wood, metal, and concrete, and the occasional rat. Oh, and sometimes roaches. And I think there's still some methane leaks. So, with that in mind, if you'll follow me…" She gestured for us to follow her, and as she led us out of the room, she started chirping, "Methane and roaches and rats, oh my!"

James snorted. "I like her already."

I smothered a laugh. "Me too."

Mary was an awesome tour guide. I'd been on this tour before, and the guides could be hit or miss. Sometimes the jokes were a bit too cheesy, or the history lessons got a bit too long and dry, but Mary was good at what she did. Historical trivia peppered with bad puns and jokes that were racy enough to make the adults chuckled while flying over their kids' heads. She was definitely getting a tip at the end.

The tour wasn't all underground. Sometimes we had to come up to the street, cross over, and go down again via another entrance. While the group waited to cross the street, I glanced at a restaurant a few doors down, and realized I'd been there before.

Mary was explaining something to the crowd, so I turn to James and leaning in close enough to whisper, "If you're hungry after this, that place has amazing food."

He looked up in the direction I was pointing, and nodded. "Cool. Let's keep that in mind."

We exchanged smiles, and a moment later, the crosswalk light turned green. We followed our group across and down into another section of the Underground.

At Mary's direction, the group stopped. A few stragglers were still catching up, so she didn't start talking quite yet.

And that was when one of the women who'd spotted James decided to make her move.

She appeared beside him, clutching her phone to her chest and smiling. "I'm sorry, but I just have to ask. Are you James Diamond?"

The instant she said his name, heads started turning. Other people's eyes widened with recognition, and I heard someone murmur, "I _told_ you it was him!"

James smiled apologetically and shook his head. "Nah. I get that all the time." He laughed as he added, "I _wish_ I had that guy's bank account."

That sent a ripple of amusement through the group, and most people lost interest in him. The woman didn't seem entirely convinced.

"Sorry." He said with what sounded like total sincerity.

I elbowed him. "Dude, you really need to do one of those lookalike contests."

Without missing a beat, James groaned and rolled his eyes. "Ugh. No, thank you."

The woman frowned and inched back. "Okay. I'm sorry. I just thought…"

"It's okay." James said. "Like I said, it happens all the time."

We all exchanged looks, as if no one quite knew what to say.

Mary either had perfect timing, or she'd caught on that there was an awkward moment in progress, because she called everyone's attention back to her. "Okay, so let's talk about why the police didn't intrench with all the bootlegging going on down here…"

As our guide went on about how the Seattle police were actually _doing_ most of the bootlegging, the woman who'd approached James slipped back into the group, and James and I both exhaled.

"Think she bought it?" I asked.

"I hope so." It came out as a sigh more than anything.

The tour continued, and James seemed on edge. Or maybe that was me. Other people in the group were being a bit less subtle now about stealing glances at him. Though some had apparently taken him at his word that he was just an James Diamond doppelgänger, others didn't seem so sure. They kept eyeballing me too, but I did my best to ignore it, if only so James didn't catch on.

It was kind of a relief when the tour was over. The group dispersed into the gift shop, though James and I hung back for a few minutes to let everyone else move on. By the time we started browsing the shop, only a few stragglers remained, and I didn't think any of them gave us a second look.

James bought a tacky shot glass and a book on Seattle's history. Once he'd finished, we headed out, and ran into Mary by the exit.

"I hope you both enjoyed the tour." She said.

"Definitely." James dropped a couple of twenties into the tip jar, and her eyes widened.

"Wow. Thank you." She blinked. "That's really generous."

"Good tour guides like you are hard to come by." He said.

I added another twenty to the jar, and we continued out of the bar. Now we were back where we started-standing in Pioneer Square-but I didn't feel nearly as relaxed as I had when we'd arrived. James still seemed tense too.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah." He exhaled and lowered his gaze. "Just… I can usually deal with that stuff when I'm alone. When I have someone with me…" He looked at me through his lashes. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I nodded toward the other end of the square. "Let's go grab some lunch and chill. Then maybe we can check out Pike Place Market."

James studied me for a second, and finally some of the tension in his shoulders and features eased. "You sure it doesn't bug you? Having people do that?"

"It's fine. I promise."

He released another breath. As we started walking toward the restaurant I'd pointed out to him earlier, he said, "Better than the paparazzi, I guess."

I shuddered, but tried not to let it show.

* * *

 **Done! So, more adorable Jagan this chapter! Although things went kind of south there...**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **You shouldn't have to wait too long for the next chapter, as I'm planning on having it up within the next few days. :)**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hello again everyone! New chapter alert!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Guest, winterschild11, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

It took a good hour or two for me to stop feeling edgy over the woman who'd approached us. Usually that kind of thing didn't bother me much. I was grateful for fans, and most were polite and maybe a bit starstruck. The only time it made me uncomfortable was when I was out with someone. Particularly someone who wasn't used to it. If I was out and about in Hollywood with a friend whose face regularly showed up on billboards, I didn't have to worry. They got it. But Logan…

He'd taken it in stride, at least. I had to give him credit for that. He'd even helped me with the illusion that I was just someone who was often mistaken for...well, me. A lookalike contest? Nice touch. But he'd been twitchy after that, and he'd stayed that way until after we'd had lunch and gone down to Pike Place Market. It wasn't until we'd been wandering through the shops and stalls for a while that he seemed to shake it off.

I didn't blame him at all for being unnerved. I just hoped it wasn't enough to send him running in the other direction once he realized this was a regular thing.

For the most part, though, we moved on and continued enjoying our day. The restaurant he'd picked was as good as he'd said it would be. They'd had a million local microbrews to choose from, and we'd each sampled each other's. Both were amazing, as were the little slices of baguette smothered in cranberry sauce and brie. Not something I'd expected at a bar-and-grill type place, but after so many years in LA, nothing really surprised me anymore.

At Pike Place Market, I nearly lost my mind in one of the glass shops. I loved glasswork anyway, and the artist made the most gorgeous blown glass vases, plates, and sun-catchers.

"This stuff is amazing." I said as I stared at a shelf of colorful glass birds.

Logan chuckled. "Careful. You drool on it, you buy it."

"I'm pretty sure I'll end up buying something anyway."

"Oh yeah?"

"Mm-hmm. The odds of me walking out of here without buying something are about even with the odds of you walking past a dog without stopping to pet it." I shot him a playfully pointed look.

"Hey. I resemble that remark."

"Don't I know it." I elbowed him gently and winked. "It's adorable, by the way."

"What? That I have to stop and pet every dog?"

"Yes. Exactly. It's fucking cute, so keep doing it."

He laughed, a hint of a blush in his cheeks. Neither of us exaggerating, either. He's stopped to make friends with, like, four dogs since we'd left Pioneer Square. The only reason we hadn't approached the fifth was because it was wearing a service dog vest, so of course we left it alone.

After another twenty minutes or so in the shop, I'd fallen in love with a beautiful blue and green vase, and decided it absolutely had to go in my dining room. While the artist carefully took the vase out of its display case, Logan smirked.

"What?" I asked. "A guy can't love vases?"

"No, it's not that." Logan gestured at it. "You just happened to pick one that is my football team's colors."

I glanced at the vase. "I did?"

"Yep. Go Seahawks."

I chuckled and shrugged. "Well, your team has good taste, so I'll take it."

He followed me up to the counter. As the artist started carefully wrapping my Seahawks vase in bubble wrap, Logan said, "Is that going to fit in your luggage without breaking?"

"Hmm. Probably not."

The artist glanced up at that. "We can ship it anywhere in the world if you need."

"Oh. Well, let's do that, then."

In minutes, the vase was boxed up and paid for, and Logan and I left the shop. He glanced over his shoulder. "Do people ever look at your name on stuff like that and realize it's you?"

"Not when I pay cash and address it to my assistant."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess that would throw someone off the scent." He seemed relieved.

I glanced at him and let our fingers brush as we walked. "Hey. It really bugs you, doesn't it? That people recognize me?"

Logan shrugged. "I just worry about you. Seems like it would be stressful."

"It is." I shrugged too. "But you kind of get used to it."

He nodded, but didn't say anything.

I stopped, and when he did too, we faced each other. It took a lot of restraint, but I didn't reach for him. "It really isn't a big deal for me anymore, but I know it might be for you. If it's too much, just say so."

"It's not." Logan shook his head. "I'm not used to it, but I mean, you're the one they're focusing on. If you can roll with it, so can I."

I searched his eyes. "Are you sure?"

He nodded again, and one of those adorably shy smiles came to life. "If it means spending time with you? Definitely."

Damn it, it was _really_ hard not to reach for him and plant a kiss right on those lips. Not out in public, though. Not yet.

"Just tell me if it's too much, okay?"

"I will. Promise."

XxX

The rest of the afternoon was pleasant and uneventful. If anyone recognized me or even noticed us, I didn't notice them, and I didn't care. Between wandering through quirky shops and hanging out with Logan, I genuinely didn't give a shit what anyone else thought. I was much more interested in snickering with him as we read snarky T-shirts and bumper stickers, or debating where in the world someone would put the eight-foot statue of Lenin made out of old bicycle parts. If someone saw us, then they'd just see me hanging out with this amazingly cute man who couldn't walk past a dog without saying hello and who totally let his nerd side show when we walked into a comic book shop.

"I have _crates_ of comics in my storage unit." He said, thumbing through a box of vintage Marvel. "I even have a complete set of the X-files comics."

"No shit? There was a comic?"

He nodded. "Yeah. It wasn't half bad, either."

"I'm sure it wasn't. The show was awesome."

Logan turned to me. "You watched it?"

"Fuck yeah, I watched it. Skinner was one of my first crushes."

"Skinner? Not Mulder?"

"Eh." I shrugged. "Mulder's cute and all, and even Krycek was hot, but there was something about Skinner."

His lips quirked as he seemed to give it some thought. "Can't really argue with that, I guess. I was more of a Mulder guy." He turned toward me completely, resting his elbow on the box he'd been going through. Voice so soft only I could hear him, he asked, "How does that work for you now? If you get a crush on an actor?"

I laughed. "I simultaneously hope we never work together and hope we do."

"Have you ever had to work with someone you were into?"

"Are you kidding?" I dropped my voice to barely a whisper. "Half the reason I took the part for Shots Fired was because there was two-minute scene where I'm naked in a hot tub with Dak Zevon."

Logan visibly shivered. "Oh God. I remember that."

I chuckled. "Shame it was miserable to film."

"Yeah? How so?"

We started walking up the aisle toward the store's exit. "It was a pretty cold night, and the steam was pissing off the cinematographer." I groaned. "So they replaced the hot water with lukewarm water, and added the steam in post."

"Seriously? They did CGI steam?"

"Yep. That way, it didn't fog up the cameras and they had total control over where it went, how thick it was…" I waved a hand. "It wasn't my decision, so I didn't argue with it. But oh my God, after about ten minutes, that lukewarm water was fucking _cold_."

Logan laughed. "Oh wow, I didn't even think of that."

"Neither did me or Dak until our teeth started chattering. Just as well it wasn't a sex scene or something, or we'd have bitten each other's tongues."

"Ouch." He chuckled again. "Man, the things you don't think of when you're watching a movie."

"Oh, I could tell you all kinds of stories, believe me."

"Do tell." He slid his hands into his pockets as we strolled into long hallway lined with more shops. "Is it true that sex scenes are way more awkward to film than they look?"

A laugh burst out of me. "Sex scenes are _so_ awkward. Especially if the director wants to show some skin. If we're under the covers or something, at least we can both wear shorts and put something between us. Cuts down on accidentally rubbing a boner against your costar thing."

"Do you… do you get turned on?" He glanced at me, forehead creased. "Even when you're with-wait, are you gay or bi?"

"I'm gay, but yeah, even when I'm working with a woman, it's easy to get a hard-on." I shrugged as heat rushed into my cheeks. "Actually I'm not sure which is more awkward...when I do get one, or when I don't."

"Huh. Yeah, I guess I could see that."

"Especially because, I mean, I don't want to make an actress uncomfortable, you know?" I sighed. "The women in my industry put up with enough shit already. So I usually just apologize in advance and promise her I'm just trying to film the scene. Most of them know I'm gay by that point anyway, so it helps."

Logan nodded. "I can see that." He paused, then softly added, "You and your costars sure make it look like you're into it, though. You'd never know it was weird to film it."

"That's what we get paid for." I said with a laugh. "I think some of mine are less nervous with me since they know I'm not trying to cop a feel or whatever, so they relax more than they do with the straight guys." I half-shrugged. "Maybe that shows. I don't know."

"I think it does. Your scenes always seem a lot less…" He paused for a long moment. "I don't even know. They just seem different."

"In a good way?"

"In a _very_ good way."

"Well, that's encouraging. They're still tough as fuck to film." I sighed, shaking my head. "Everyone always says filming sex is nothing like having sex. I figured that was true-hell, I hoped it was true-but before this weekend, I didn't have anything to compare it to."

Logan's breath stuttered subtly. We exchanged glances, and my heart sped up. Of course it had only been a few hours since we'd fooled around in his shower, but somehow mentioning it out loud made it seem like it had been way, way too long since we'd touched. And it seemed like way, way too soon that I'd be flying back to LA instead of spending more time between the sheets with Logan. And we were still out in public where we couldn't so much as share a quick kiss or hold hands.

He swallowed. So did I.

Then he cleared his throat. "You know, if we take off now, we can get out of the city before the baseball game lets out. Beat the traffic."

I nodded, maybe more vigorously than I needed to. "That sounds like a good idea. Let's go."

And on the way to the car, we walked just a little bit faster.

XxX

Thanks to traffic-so much for beating the baseball crowd-it was a solid hour and a half before we jogged up Logan's porch steps. He fumbled with his keys while Lola barked and bounced on the other side of the door.

"Hey, kiddo." He said. "Calm down, calm down."

She didn't calm down. She spun in circles, yipping and whining.

"Oh, come on. We weren't gone that long." He reached into a canister by the coat rack, pulled out a couple of dog biscuits, and tossed them to her. That did the trick. As soon as she was occupied, Logan turned to me and murmured, "Finally."

Before I could respond, he pushed me against the wall, kissing me deeply and grinding against me. This was definitely nothing like filming a sex scene. We were both fully hard and making no attempt to hide it. His erection rubbed mine, and I kneaded his ass while we explored each other's mouths.

I loved when Logan was turned on. He could be so shy sometimes, but the minute we started making out, he took charge. He was aggressive and even a little demanding. He fucking melted me.

 _God, he must be so hot when he-_

I broke the kiss and blurted, "Fuck me."

Logan made a sound that was a half-groan, half-growl, and rutted harder against me. "You really want me to?"

I nodded. "Yes. Right now."

This time, it was closer to a moan or even a whimper, and then he kissed me again. He was practically shaking now. Or maybe that was me. Both? Whatever. I held him close, digging my fingers into his ass cheeks as we made out. God, yes. I wanted him. I wanted him to bend me over, push that cock into me, and show me what it felt like to be fucked. Slow, fast, hard, easy-it didn't matter. I just wanted him, and I wanted him _now_.

Then Lola whined and scratched at the door.

Logan broke the kiss and glanced at her. I bit back my frustration. It wasn't her fault, and she probably did need to go outside.

Then he looked me in the eyes, and he grinned. "I've got an idea."

"Hmm?"

"I don't want to stop, but I need to take her around the block so she doesn't tear up the house." He slid his hands down over my hips. "So I'm going to go do that, and you're going to go upstairs and get ready for me."

I shivered between him and the wall. "Ready? What do you mean?"

"I want you naked." His lips grazed mine. "You've taken toys before, so you know how much prep you need."

I gulped. It took a moment to make sense of what he was saying, but when my brain caught up, I nodded.

We separated, both making frustrated noises and exchanging a long look-more like a leer-before I went upstairs.

Alone in his bedroom, I had to fight back back a sudden stampede of nerves. When we were kissing and grinding together, it was easy to say I wanted him and that I wanted to do everything. But did I really? Was I sure? Was it Logan I wanted, or was I just tired of being a virgin?

I met my reflection's eyes in the mirror above his dresser.

 _Well, James? Do you want this or not?_

Downstairs, the front door shut, and I heard Logan's voice outside.

"Settle down, kiddo." He was laughing, and I could almost see him being dragged down the stairs by his excited dog. "The ducks aren't going anywhere."

I smiled, warmth rushing through me and burning away the doubts. Logan was sexy as hell, but he was also a genuinely good guy. There was no pressure from him. I'd known him all of forty-eight hours, and I had zero doubt that if he walked back in here and I said I didn't want to go through with it, he wouldn't push.

Which just made me want him that much more.

So, heart racing, I started getting undressed.

I had no idea how long Logan and Lola were gone, only that when the door opened downstairs, I was definitely ready for him. Lying back on his bed, legs apart, I had two lubed fingers sliding in and out of my ass, and if he didn't come up here and put his cock in me, we were going to need the fire department.

Logan's footsteps on the stairs made my heart pound harder. I bit my lip as I kept fingering myself.

 _Come on, baby. I need you. Right now. Right fucking-_

He opened the bedroom door, and I stared at him as he stared at me. His lips parted and his eyes widened, and I swore he was unsteady on his feet as he shut the door behind him. "That… that is the hottest thing I've ever seen."

I licked my lips. "You really want to just look?"

Logan swallowed. Without a word, he took off his shirt. As he stripped, I couldn't stop staring at the thick ridge of his cock under his jeans. Once his jeans and briefs were out of the way, the sight of his fully hard dick made my toes curl.

He came around to the side of the bed and took the box of condoms out of the drawer where I'd found the lube. It probably only took him a second to put it on, but I was going out of my mind over here, wanting and needing him buried in me. I'd gone my entire life without doing this, and now I didn't want to wait another minute. I knew how good it could feel to have something inside me, and I was fucking _starving_ to feel that delicious penetration with another person.

Eyes locked on mine, Logan climbed onto the bed beside me. As he leaned over me and kissed me, he gently nudged my wrist. I slid my fingers free, fully expecting him to get all the way on top and slide his cock inside.

Instead, he pushed his own fingers in. I whimpered against his lips. How was it this much hotter when he was doing exactly what I'd been doing a second ago? Probably because now I was kissing him _and_ getting fingered. And because it was so fucking hot to realize someone else was touching me like this. A gorgeous man with an amazing kiss was naked, playing with my ass, and already wearing a condom so he could fuck me. Oh yeah. This was a million times hotter than handling everything myself.

He kissed his way down to my neck, and I held onto him for dear life as his lips drove me wild. As much as I wanted him buried in me, this was too sexy to pass up. I arched under him, gripping his shoulders as my hips moved on their own, rolling to complement the steady motions of his hand. I still hadn't gotten over the novelty of his warm skin against mine, or his weight even partway on top of me, or just… everything. Being naked and intimate with another person. With _him_.

After God knew how long, he lifted his head and murmured, "You sure you're ready for this?"

"Oh yeah." I whispered. "So ready."

He grinned and slipped his fingers free. Sitting up, he found the lube bottle and opened the top. After he'd put a generous amount on his cock and in my hole, he said, "Turn onto your stomach."

"Onto my-" I hesitated. "So, not like this?"

"Trust me."

I was a little disappointed at the thought of not being able to see his face or kiss him, but I took him at his word and rolled over.

And almost immediately, my disappointment was gone. Logan moved on top of me. That alone made my pulse race. Just being under him shouldn't have been such a turn-on, but there it was.

The slick head of his cock met my crack, and I gasped. He guided himself closer and slid his cock up and down a few times before lining it up with my hole. The blunt pressure was familiar from all the times I'd done this alone, but having his hot, solid body on top of me while his cock was pressing against my ass? Oh God.

"Relax." He whispered, his breath warming my ear. "I won't hurt you. I promise."

"I know." I pressed my forehead into the pillow, closed my eyes, and breathed as slowly and evenly as I could. My body started to relax, and the head of Logan's dick eased past the tight muscles. I'd always loved how it felt when a toy first slid in, and it was no different now. If anything, it was better. Way better.

Logan sighed, shivering on top of me, and pulled out. Then he pushed in again, and this time, worked himself deeper, but only a little before he stopped. He lowered himself a bit and kissed the side of my neck. "If it hurts, we can stop."

"It doesn't. It… it feels good." I swallowed, arching up just so I could feel his skin against mine. "Really good."

"Mmm." He purred beneath my ear, and he pulled out and pushed in again. It only took a few more strokes before he was moving smoothly and easily, swearing under his breath every time he bottomed out inside me. "This feel good?"

I gripped the pillow and moaned. "Yeah. Fuck."

He shifted a little, and came down so his weight was almost resting on top of me. I shivered. Yes, this was perfect. He was touching me all over, and every stroke he took pushed my cock into the sheet, creating the most mind-blowing friction. It only got better when he picked up just a _little_ bit of speed.

Taking a toy was fine and good, but it had nothing on being covered by, surrounded by, and ridden by this man who was making the sexiest sounds in my ear as he fucked me into the mattress. It wasn't just his cock moving in me. Every time he pulled out or pushed in, I could feel his entire body, and every time he shuddered or moaned or cursed, it reverberated through me until I swore I could feel everything he felt on top of everything I felt. I wanted to cry for no other reason than I was completely and totally overwhelmed. I wanted him to keep doing it just like this, and I wanted him to do it slower so I could savor every nerve ending's response, and I wanted him to take me as fast and hard as he could so I'd fucking explode like I already needed to do.

He kissed my neck. "You feel so good."

"S-so do you." Shit, I was practically crying. "Christ, Logan…"

"Next...next time I see you," He panted, voice hoarse and strained. "I want to switch." He bit the spot he'd kissed, then growled, "I want you to fuck me just like I'm fucking you now."

Suddenly I was simultaneously bottoming and imagining topping, and a sound like a sob escaped my lips as I tried to rock my hips and encourage him to ride me harder. "Yes." I whimpered. "I… I want…" I shuddered hard, pressing back into his chest. "Anything."

Groaning softly, he fucked me just a little harder, enough to almost make me choke on my own breath. His breath hitched. Then again. His rhythm faltered. "Oh God…"

I was close already, and the sound of him getting ready to lose it made me let go, and I came as Logan's thrusts fell apart and his breathing turned into sharp, whispered curses. Nothing in the world could ever be as intense as losing myself to a powerful orgasm while he came too. When we both finally relaxed, we trembled and gasped for breath like we'd just run a marathon. I pressed my forehead into the mattress. He rested his on my shoulder.

And with Logan still buried inside me, and the aftershocks of my orgasm still rippling through me, we just breathed.

* * *

 **Done! So, it seems that things are going pretty well with Jagan. :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **So, the next chapter more than likely won't be up until this weekend, but I've absolutely loved hearing your thoughts so far and am glad you all are enjoying this so far! :)**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hello again everyone! It's time to check in with Jagan!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, Guest, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I had just enough coordination to lift myself up, pull out, and drop onto my back beside James. The condom could wait for a second. I needed the room to stop swaying first.

James turned his head toward me, but he stayed on his stomach. Our eyes met, and my spine straightened. Were those… tears?

I quickly rolled onto my side. "Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No." He smiled drunkenly. "Oh my God, no. You didn't think I was enjoying that?"

"No, I did. I just…" I gestured at my own eyes.

He brought up a shaky hand, dabbed at his eyes, and looked at his fingers curiously. Then he laughed. "Damn. Does that happen a lot?"

"Sometimes." I relaxed a bit. "But it can also happen when it hurts, so…"

James smiled. He pushed himself up and leaned close for a light kiss. "It didn't hurt. Promise."

"Good." I touched his face. "Any time you want to do that again, I'm game."

"Noted. And are you serious about bottoming?"

"Oh, hell yeah." I instantly broke out in goosebumps just thinking about it. "Absolutely."

"Mmm. We may need to plan our next visit sooner rather than later, then."

"Agreed." I glanced down. "Let me get rid of this. I'll be right back." I got up on shaking legs and paused. "Actually, we could share another shower if you want. I'm covered in sweat."

"Yeah, me too." He rolled onto his side and looked down at himself. "And come."

I laughed. "Come on. Shower."

James struggled even more than I did to get on his feet, but he managed. He was still unsteady when we got into the shower, so of course I wrapped my arms around him and let him lean against me. It didn't hurt that we were also kissing. And hell, even if we hadn't been, I'd have been perfectly happy. I loved having my arms around him. I loved how effortless it was to be this intimate with him.

We'd met under the strangest and least likely of circumstances, and now it felt like we'd known each other forever and were completely comfortable with each other. In the space of two days, he had absolutely gone from James Diamond, the movie star I'd sort of briefly met to… _James_. My starstruck fanboy was dormant and quiet now. All that was left was me, the guy who couldn't get enough of James, the guy it made perfect sense for me to be kissing and touching, and who just happened to be a movie star when we weren't together or busy in bed.

As we held each other now, naked and satisfied under the hot water, I suspected we weren't done for the night. Even while I was lethargic post-orgasm, the hunger for him never quite went away. All he'd have to do was give me a few minutes and then give me a look, and I'd be ready for him all over again. Especially since he was leaving soon, and I didn't know when I'd see him again.

I loosened my embrace and met his eyes. "So, about meeting up again…"

His eyebrows rose. "You still want to?"

"Hell yeah. Do you?"

"Definitely." He slid his wet palms up my chest and grinned. "The sooner the better."

A little thrill zinged through me. "When and where?"

James' lips quirked as if he were thinking it over. Then he shrugged. "I can come to you, but you're still more than welcome to come to me. I'd say I don't want to keep you from Lola, but you said she's got a place to stay while you're gone."

I chuckled. "Yeah. She'll be fine if I go see you." I mulled it over for a few seconds. "I don't work on the weekends, so it wouldn't be too hard for me to fly down on a Friday evening and come back Sunday night."

James was already nodding. "My schedule's clear for a while. I start shooting again in September, but between now and then, I'm all yours."

Smoothing some wet hair out of his face, I said, "If we want to see each other for more than a weekend, I'm happy to have you here. Just, you know, I'll be gone during the day on weekdays. But I can probably burn some vacation too, as long as I give the clinic enough notice."

James brought my hand up and kissed my knuckles. "Who says we can't do both? Then it might feel less like a long distance relationship." He paused, and his brow pinched. "I mean, until I have to start shooting again. Then we might not see each other much."

"So, we'll just see each other as much as possible until then, and play it by ear from there?"

He studied me like he wasn't sure if I meant it, but slowly, he smiled. "I like that idea."

"Me too. We'll work out the logistics, but I'm already looking forward to seeing you again."

His smile lit up even more, raising goosebumps all over my wet skin, and James wrapped his arms around me. As he drew me in, I could feel his cock starting to get hard again.

"Logistics later." He said against my lips. "For now, how about we get out of the shower and go get dirty again?"

And then he kissed me.

And I turned off the water.

XxX

"Oh, now isn't that sexy?" James purred into his coffee cup as I came down the stairs on Monday morning.

"What?" I looked down at myself. "Scrubs?"

"Mm-hmm." He gave me a full-body leer, then winked. "I think you'd be hot in pretty much anything, though, so…" He shrugged.

My cheeks warmed, and I laughed as I pulled my travel mug down from the cabinet. "And here I thought you preferred me wearing nothing."

"Oh, I do." James set his coffee down and stepped up behind me. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he pressed a kiss to the base of my neck, the brush of his stubble against my skin giving me goosebumps. "But you're hot when you're dressed too."

I laughed, leaning back into him and tilting my head so he could explore my neck some more. "You know if you keep doing that, I'm going to be late for work and you're going to miss your flight."

He grunted softly and kept going. After a moment, though, he sighed and let me go. While I poured my coffee, he leaned against the counter and sipped his own. "It's weird to be leaving. Feels like I've been here longer than three days."

"I know, right? I'm going to miss you."

"Well, not for long." He grinned. "You're still coming to LA, right?"

"You better believe it." I screwed the lid onto my travel mug and set it next to my wallet and keys. Then I faced him and rested my hands on the counter, bracketing him between my arms. "I'm really glad we did this."

"Me too." He put the coffee cup down again and draped his arms over my shoulders. "I didn't expect this weekend to turn out like this at all, but now it seems like this is exactly how things should have played out."

I nodded. "Yeah. Exactly." I kissed him softly. "I can't wait to do it again."

"Neither can I."

We shared a long, gentle kiss. Not one that would have us stumbling back up to the bedroom, though. Of course, even looking at him or touching him turned me on, but we really did have to get going soon, which meant there was no time for another roll in the hay.

James broke the kiss and glanced at the clock. With a heavy sigh, he met my gaze. "We should get moving. I don't want you getting in trouble at work."

"Yeah. And you're probably going to hit some traffic."

"I live in LA, babe." He winked. "I can handle the traffic."

"I know you can. But if you want to make your flight, you might want to start hitting it sooner rather than later."

"Ugh. You and your logic." We separated, and he finished his coffee before rinsing the mug while I collected my lunch and everything else.

Lola was in the backyard, and I called her in so I could put her harness on.

"You take her to work with you?" He asked.

"No, she goes to a doggy daycare."

"Doggy day-that's a thing?"

"Yeah." I chuckled as I clipped her leash to her harness. "I thought it was kind of ridiculous, too, but honestly it keeps her happy and gives her something to do besides destroy my house."

"Sounds like it's worth it, then."

"So much."

We gathered our things, and I led Lola out to the car. After I'd buckled her in, I left the driver door open so she could still have so air while I said goodbye to James.

He'd just finished putting his luggage into the backseat of his rental, and turned to me. "I can't wait to see you again."

"Neither can I." Though we were out in the open, this wasn't a busy street, so I didn't worry much about stealing a brief kiss.

And then, all too quickly, we were in our respective cars. We waved, headed off in opposite directions, and our weekend together was over.

I sighed, feeling a weird combination of sad and giddy. I hated that our time together was over, but I was ridiculously happy that it had happened. And that we would see each other again. That he _wanted_ to see me again.

We'd work out those details soon. For now, my normal life awaited, and I had to somehow pull my head out of the clouds and get back to it.

Fifteen minutes after I'd left the house, I dropped Lola off at doggy daycare. The first couple of times, she'd been uncertain, and she'd kept glancing back at me. Leaving her there had been heartbreaking. These days? She was off and running before I'd even finished signing her in.

"Bye, Lola." I called out to her with a laugh. She didn't notice. She was already chasing Toby, a young black lab who was galloping around with a big stick in his mouth. Yeah, I wasn't too worried about leaving her here anymore.

Chuckling to myself, I went back to the car. As I walked, my phone buzzed, and I had a text from Kendall.

 **Kendall:** _So, what did you do this weekend? Hmm?_

I furrowed my brow. Okay, kind of weird. He'd asked me last week if I wanted to go to Portland with him and a couple of friends, but I'd bowed out without much explanation.

Well, I didn't have time to call him now because I needed to get my butt to work, so I just texted back, _Nothing much. You?_

Then I put the phone on the passenger seat and drove across town to the clinic, all the while humming to myself and grinning like an idiot. I'd have to check airfare during my break today. How much _was_ it to book a last-minute plane ticket? I didn't fly often, and usually planned way ahead, so I had no idea. Could I afford to go see James sooner than later? Like maybe next weekend? That wouldn't be too soon for him, would it?

I thought about the gleam in his eyes when we'd talked about seeing each other again, and the disappointment when we'd finally had to say goodbye. Nah, he probably wouldn't mind if I showed up that soon. Hopefully….

I parked outside the clinic, and when I picked up my phone, I had three more texts.

 **Kendall:** _Mm-hmm. Nothing much. Dude, call me. I want details._

 **Lucy:** _OMG! YOU ASSHOLE! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?! CALL ME!_

 **Kendall:** _Dude, come on. Don't hold out on me._

Something twisted in the pit of my stomach. What the hell was going on?

I gathered my coffee and lunch and hurried into the clinic. My phone buzzed in my pocket. When I walked into the reception area, Jo and Stephanie looked up from Jo's computer screen and shot me wide-eyed looks. My phone buzzed _again_.

Heart thumping, I stopped at the desk. "What's going on?"

"We were going to ask you the same thing." Jo said.

Stephanie gestured at the screen, and Jo turned it so I could see it when I leaned over the desk.

And my heart stopped.

 _Has America's Loneliest Sweetheart Finally Found Love?_

Below that were two pictures of James and me. I instantly knew when they had been taken. One was while we'd been talking about something on the Underground tour. The second was in that moment on the same tour when we'd leaned in to suggest the restaurant where we'd ultimately eaten lunch. Of course it had been snapped at an angle that it didn't look like I was just discreetly talking to him. It looked like I was kissing him on the cheek.

Oh. _Fuck._

"Are these real?" Stephanie asked.

"Uh. Yeah." I cleared my throat, which suddenly felt tighter than it should have. "Could you send me that link?"

"Of course." Jo started to say something else, but I hurried past the desk and into the back.

I shared an office with Jenny, and thank God she didn't come in until later. I closed the door, dropped my lunch bag and keys on the desk, and sat down to check my email. Jo had sent the link already. With my heart in my throat and my stomach queasy, I ignored my phone-which was buzzing yet again-and clicked the link.

Under the photos, the caption read, _Actor James Diamond, 25, gets cozy with a man who is believed to be Logan Mitchell, whom Diamond dedicated his Best Actor Filmmaker Association Award to last month._

"You've got to be kidding me." I groaned into the silence of the office. I scrolled down.

 _...spotted together in Seattle on the famous Bill Speidel's Underground Tour…_

 _...when asked, reportedly denied who he was…_

 _...notoriously secretive about his private life..._

It was the usual tabloid shit where they speculated about the underlying meaning of every gesture and expression a celebrity made. They'd all decided a long time ago that James was painfully lonely and in dire need of a boyfriend, so clearly if we were seen in public together, it was only a matter of time before we eloped. Fucking idiots.

And then I reached this paragraph.

 _Mitchell, a nurse from Everett, Washington, appeared with Diamond on Los Angeles This Morning last month, apparently meeting the actor for the first time since a fateful encounter at a diner where Diamond worked. Since then, Diamond has dodged questions about whether the men have remained in contact, but it appears they have._

I swallowed bile. They only knew a few things about me-my job, my city, etc.-but it was enough to make me ill. Had they gleaned that information from the talk show? Had someone done some digging? Christ, what did they-

The phone on my desk screeched to life, nearly sending me toppling out my chair. It was an outside call, so I put on my best professional voice and picked it up.

"Family Health, this is-"

"Is this article for real?" My sister, Mackenzie, didn't waste time with greetings. "Are you really dating _James Diamond_?"

I blew out a breath and covered my face with my free hand. "It's...the pictures aren't…"

"But that's really you? And him?"

"Yeah." I swallowed hard, dropping my hand to my lap. "He visited over the weekend. But that picture"-I waved at the screen as if she might see it-"looks like I'm kissing him or something, and I totally wasn't." At least, not right then. We did a lot more than kiss behind closed doors. But out in public… in front of cameras… "Fuck."

"Wow. I didn't even realize you guys were still in touch. After the talk show and all that."

"Yeah, we are. We didn't get to talk much that day. They pretty much shoved us out on the stage together, and as soon as it was over, he got dragged off to catch a flight. What you saw on the show is literally all the interaction we had."

"Seriously?" The wrinkle of her nose was almost audible. "That's kind of shitty for them to fly you all the way there and just give you ten minutes."

"I know, right? So, we decided we wanted to actually see each other again."

"I get that." She was quiet for a moment, and then softly-almost cautiously-asked, "So, _are_ you dating him?"

I closed my eyes. "No. We're just friends. Hell, we barely know each other." I didn't want to deny what was going on with James, and it felt gross to lie about it. What else could I do, though? If I let it slip to anyone that we were dating, all it would take was one person to let it slip to someone else. Right now, the media was just speculating. If I confirmed it…

"Well, I wouldn't worry too much about the article." She said. "Things like this die down pretty fast. As soon as some actress has a baby or someone cheats on someone, everyone will forget about you and James."

"Yeah, we'll see." I muttered.

"Trust me. Anyway, I just had to ask because _everyone_ is talking about this."

I groaned again.

"Sorry." She said. "Don't sweat it, though, okay? And are you guys going to keep hanging out?"

 _Well, I thought we were._ "I don't know. Hanging out with him was fun, but he's a busy guy." A busy guy constantly hunted by the paparazzi. "So, we'll see."

We talked for a moment longer, until she had to go take her kids to school. After we'd hung up, I stared at the screen. At the photos of James and me. They were completely innocent moments, and someone had made them skeevy. Or maybe I was just overreacting. Reading even more into it than this damn reporter had.

I'd spent a good portion of the weekend naked and sweaty with James. I'd relieved him of his virginity and made him come so hard he'd teared up. We'd kissed, talked, fucked, cuddled, showered. There'd been so many deeply intimate moments that, thank God, hadn't made it into a camera lens.

But somehow the shot of me whispering to him, angled just right to imply I was doing more than suggesting a place for lunch, was violating. It made me sick that someone was getting clicks by exploiting a lucky camera angle of such an innocent moment. My skin crawled at the thought of thousands-possibly millions-of people looking at that photo and speculating about my relationship with James.

My email pinged. It was Jo, and it was just the words _here's another one_ followed by a link.

I couldn't help myself and clicked. It was more of the same. Different wording, but the same conclusions-that someone had busted me stealing a kiss on James' cheek, and so clearly we were madly in love.

A few paragraphs down, my breath hitched.

 _The couple reportedly connected via social media after the Filmmaker Association Awards. Mitchell tweeted to Diamond that he had the autograph mentioned in the acceptance speech, and it would seem the rest is history._

My mouth went dry. It didn't bother me that the narrative wasn't quite accurate. James and I _had_ connected on Twitter, but the only thing public was a single semi-cryptic tweet.

A tweet that was embedded in the article. With a live link.

I picked up my phone and ignored the dozen or so texts vying for attention. I opened the Twitter app.

 _You have got to be kidding me._

Last night I'd had maybe two hundred followers. Some friends, but mostly other dog lovers and Seahawks fans.

Today I had almost a thousand followers. And my mentions? Oh my God. I took one look at the three-digit number, and closed the app. I put my phone aside, planted my palms on my cool desktop, and took a few slow, deep breaths.

 _Oh God._

 _What do I do now?_

* * *

 **Done! So...yeah, it looks like Jagan aren't so secret anymore.  
**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Hopefully, you all enjoyed the chapter! You shouldn't have too long of a wait for the next one.**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hello everyone! This was supposed to be up WAY earlier in the week, so this is super late, but better late than never, right? :P**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Side1ways, Guest, winterschild11, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 _Uh, James? You want to tell me what's going on?_

The message from Kelly made my blood turn cold. I had just finished turning in my rental car and was waiting for the shuttle to departures. Her text had been the first thing to pop up on the screen.

Heart thumping, I wrote back, _What do you mean?_

The shuttle stopped, and I boarded. By the time I'd taken my seat, Kelly had replied. The message was nothing but a link, and the preview almost made me throw up. Though it was a tiny thumbnail, it only took a quick glance to make out my face. And Logan's.

 _Oh. God. No._

Gut taut with horror, I tapped the link. It was nothing I hadn't ever read before. They'd said the same things-almost verbatim aside from parts about the autograph and the talk show-about me and Jett Stetson after we'd had the audacity to grab coffee together last fall. Jett was used to that kind of thing too, and we'd had a damn good laugh about it.

But Logan… fuck.

I closed the article and was just about to send him a text when he beat me to it.

 **Logan:** _Did you see the article?_

I winced. Oh yeah, I'd seen it. Still cringing, I wrote back, _Yeah. I'm so sorry. :(_

It was stupid, but I didn't know what else to say.

The next message came from Kelly. _So, are you really seeing this guy?_

With anyone else, I might've snapped back that it was none of their fucking business, but part of her job was running interference with things like this. She and my publicist were way better than I was at responding to rumors, so she was well within her rights to demand answers out of me.

The shuttle stopped in front of my airline. I collected my things and got out, secretly grateful for something to occupy me for a minute or two while I figured out how to respond.

Inside the airport, I stood outside of the flow of traffic with my back to a wall, propped my suitcase against my leg, and wrote back to Kelly: _Publicly, no. Between me and you, yes._

I glanced at the check-in line. It wasn't all that long, and I still had a solid three hours, so I hung back for a moment to wait for a response from Kelly. I really wasn't in the mood for someone to read over my shoulder right now.

She didn't text back. She called.

"Really?" She sounded curious, not confrontational. "You guys are a thing?"

I looked around, making sure no one was within earshot. "Yeah."

"Since when?"

"Since I came up to Seattle to see him this weekend."

"Wow. And here I thought I was imagining you ogling him on Los Angeles This Morning."

Any other time, I would've laughed, but I just felt even more sick.

"So, do you really want to keep this quiet?" She sounded like she was wincing as she spoke.

"I need to." I whispered. "He's not used to this kind of thing."

"I get that. I do." Kelly sighed heavily. "But you know that's not how it works, right? Even if you two weren't on the radar already, things like this don't stay a secret forever."

I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I know. I… I know. But I need to talk to him, and… and…" Exhaling, I dropped my hand and let my head fall back against the wall. "I don't know. I don't want to deny it because I don't want him to think I'm embarrassed of him, but I don't want… fuck. I don't know what to do."

Something clicked rhythmically in the background. She was probably tapping a pen like she always did when she was thinking. "When are you going to talk to him again?"

"As soon as I can. I need to check in for my flight, but I was going to call him after we're done talking."

"Okay. Good. Listen, Kelsea and I will drag our feet a bit on making a statement. That should buy you some time to touch base with him. Then let us know how much you want to make public, and we'll go from there."

I slowly pushed out a breath, thankful for the millionth time for her and Kelsea. They were way savvier in dealing with the media, and they could be objective about things when I was too emotional. "Okay. He's at work right now, so I don't know when he'll be available, and I'm flying out soon, so-"

"Are you going to be back in LA, tonight?"

"Yeah. I get in this afternoon."

"Prefect. Text me when you get home, and we'll talk, okay?"

"Okay. Okay. Yeah. I can do that."

"All right. Go get checked in. Safe travels, sweetie."

"Thanks."

We hung up, and I stared at the darkened screen. They were both getting some seriously fat bonuses this year. Without them, I'd be-

My phone came to life with another text, startling me so badly I almost dropped it.

It was from Logan.

 **Logan:** _I don't even know how to process this._

I flinched. Suddenly I needed to do more than just text him, so without a second thought, I called him.

He picked up immediately. "Hey. I'm between patients, so I can't talk long."

"That's okay." I swallowed. "Listen, I'm so sorry about this. I had no idea they'd sell-"

"It's not your fault." His voice was soft, but just unsteady enough to make my heart hurt. "I don't blame you. I'm just kind of, uh, overwhelmed."

"Yeah, I get that. And my assistant and publicist are figuring out how to respond. They wanted me to talk to you first."

"Respond? We… we have to _respond_?"

"Well, _you_ don't. Even if people start contacting you." I paused. "Have they?"

"I don't know yet. I'm still sifting through all the texts and emails from everyone I know." He let out a humorless laugh. "And I'm kind of scared to read the hundreds of tweets I've already gotten."

I grimaced. "Shit."

"It's okay." He sounded exhausted. "I knew this was a possibility. And… it doesn't change anything, does it? With us?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing."

"Not on my end. I still want to see you again." He paused, then added with a nervous laugh, "Sooner rather than later, still."

That brought a smile to my lips. "Me too. And I'm good at staying under the radar." I glanced around me, and so far no one had noticed me. Or at least if they did, they weren't making a big deal out of it. "I'll work something out so no one gets another lucky shot like that. If we want to go public later, we can, but we'll have privacy next time. I promise."

"Okay." He exhaled. "That sounds great."

Relief was making my knees shake. I wasn't sure exactly I'd expected when I'd called him, but knowing he still wanted to see me was a huge relief. "For the record, if my publicist denies we're seeing each other, or if I do, it doesn't mean I'm embarrassed of you. Or that I don't-"

"I know. I'd rather deny it for right now, too. I mean, I'd love to shout it from the rooftops that we're… that the rumors aren't exactly untrue, but… maybe not quite yet?"

"Agreed." I whispered. "For now, let's keep it on the down-low, and work on getting together again."

"Sounds perfect. Okay, I have to go. I've got patients waiting."

"Okay. I'll see you soon."

"As soon as possible." The smile in his voice sent a tingle through me. The first truly pleasant feeling I'd had since the initial text from Kelly.

"Definitely." I whispered.

After he'd hung up, I stayed against the wall for a moment to collect myself. We were still okay. He was probably rattled and no doubt feeling violated as fuck by the article, but at least for the time being, he still wanted to see me. And I still _needed_ to see him.

I took and released a deep breath.

Kelly, Kelsea, and I would handle the press. I'd work out a plan so Logan could come to LA without anyone noticing. I'd see him again, and no one but us would know.

 _We've got this. We can do this._

Still uneasy but way less panicked, I gathered my luggage and headed for the check-in line.

XxX

In the cell phone lot outside the San Diego airport, I tapped my fingers on the center console. Whenever someone walked by, I surreptitiously lowered my gaze, letting the brim of my baseball cap shade my face. That was usually way too conspicuous, all but announcing to everyone that I was trying not to be seen, but right now, anything was better than nothing.

At least it was dark out. Logan's flight didn't come in until 9:30, so we wouldn't be meeting up in broad daylight. Plus, no one would ever really expect us to be meeting here. We'd never get in or out of LAX without someone noticing. Even the smaller airports in the area had the occasional paparazzo lurking outside, not to mention tourists on the lookout for celebrities. San Diego gave us better odds of slipping away unseen.

I checked the clock on the dash again. Two minutes since the last time I'd checked. He'd be on the ground in the next fifteen minutes, and if that plane was two seconds late, I would probably lose my mind. I was more nervous than when I'd gone to see him. When that weekend had been a giant question mark, and I'd had no idea we'd wind up connecting the way we had.

By all rights, I should have been way more chill this time, but the stupid articles-because of course there'd been more than one-had me on edge. Even after we'd talked almost daily, after we'd Skyped and Facetimed and texted and chatted, I was worried.

He'd insisted he still wanted to do this, and he'd get used to the media attention. If anyone caught wind of us again, and saw past the statement my publicist had released, he'd be ready. He could handle it.

 _But what if he can't?_

 _What if I'm not worth having to tolerate that shit?_

I'd somehow convinced myself that I'd feel better when I saw him in person. Once we'd touched again, and everything was still the way it was two weeks ago, I'd be able to breathe.

 _Now if that goddamned plane would just land already…_

I closed my eyes and wiped a hand over my face. The press had mostly backed off. Kelsea had released a statement to the effect of _Mr. Mitchell and Mr. Diamond have recently become friends, but rumors of them being romantically involved are false._ She'd written off the incriminating photo with the God's honest truth-that Logan hadn't been kissing me at all, and it was just a lucky camera angle. Whether or not people had actually bought it was anyone's guess, but things had been quiet. I'd done a handful of phone interviews this past week about my last movie, and only two had mentioned the rumors about Logan. When I'd laughed them off as people seeing what they wanted to see and reminded them that men-even gay men-could just be friends, they'd let it drop.

Still, we couldn't be too careful.

My phone chirped with a text, and I snatched it off the dash.

 **Logan:** _Just landed. Be there soon._

My heart went crazy, and if not for autocorrect, my shaky thumbs would've botched the hell out of _LMK when you're off the plane._

About five nerve-racking minutes later, he messaged me again. I waited a couple more minutes to give him some time to get across the airport, then started the car and headed for Arrivals.

And as I slowed to a stop between a couple of cabs on the curb...there he was.

Logan smiled when he saw me, and it was like all that worry from the last two weeks just vanished. In an instant, we were back to the way we'd been in this kitchen before we'd left and before we'd known about the article. He wasn't even in the car yet and I already felt better.

He'd only brought a small carry-on suitcase and a backpack, so he put them in the backseat before getting in the passenger seat. "Hey. It's so good to see you."

"You too." I met his gaze, and wished like hell we could get away with a kiss out here. Since I didn't dare, I settled for giving his hand a squeeze.

Logan flashed me a grin, and as he put on his seatbelt, I pulled away from the curb.

"Traffic's pretty light right now." I said. "By California standards, anyway. We should be at my place in a couple of hours."

"Fine by me. I'm just glad I'm finally here."

"Me too." I glanced at him as I drove us out of the airport. "I've, uh, been a little worried the last couple of weeks."

"How so?"

"The articles, mostly." I swallowed. "I was afraid they'd be too much for you."

Logan was quiet for a moment. "I'm not gonna lie, they're a lot to process, but not enough to keep me from wanting to see you."

"Really?"

"Yeah." He reached across the console and put his hand on my thigh. "That weekend we spent together was amazing. Every day since then, I've looked forward to this. Hell, I look forward to getting texts from you and chatting with you. It'll take more than some gossipy tabloids to chase me off."

Something settled in my chest, and as I exhaled, my hands loosened their death grip on the wheel. I put one on top of his hand and rubbed my thumb along his. "Okay. Good. I was just worried, I guess."

"I know." He turned his hand over to clasp out fingers together. "And… you really think we'll be able to stay off the radar?"

That made me grin. "Trust me. The only time anyone ever notices me out on the road is when I take out the sports car. This thing?" I nodded at the wheel. "No one gives a beat-up Camry a second look in LA."

"Yeah, they probably don't."

"Anyway, I made sure my kitchen is completely stocked so we don't have to leave at all unless we want to. And if we do, I know a few places that pretty much live and die by their reputations for letting people in discreetly."

"Yeah?"

"Mm-hmm. There's a steakhouse I know that looks like a shithole from the outside, but is absolutely amazing. I guess the owner's daughter is some A-list musician, no one actually knows who she is, and he'll let people in through the back. Doesn't allow any kind of photography."

"Nice." Logan said with a nod. "That could be worth it one night. But I'm happy to stay in, too."

"Good. I'll make sure you don't get bored."

Logan's fingers twitched subtly in mine. "I don't think that'll be a problem."

"No. Probably not." I grinned at him again. "Do you like hot tubs?"

"I do. Especially if there's a no swimsuit policy." He responded jokingly.

"Well." I stroked his hand with my thumb as my grin got wider. "I guess you're in luck."

* * *

The long drive didn't bother me in the slightest. Even after being on a plane for a couple of hours, I was more than happy to sit in the car if it meant being next to James. The last two weeks had felt more like two years, and I was finally _here_. I could wait until we were behind closed doors to kiss him and really touch him. This-just being in the same car and talking about whatever-was all I needed right now.

For some reason, I'd imagined James' place being a condo in West Hollywood or some huge, fancy place in Beverly Hills. I'd seen bits and pieces of it in the background when we'd Skyped or Facetimed, but there'd been nothing to really show the size or style of it.

To my surprise, he drove us all the way out to Topanga and up into the hills, along roads that were dark and quiet, especially for something this close to Los Angeles. My ears popped a few times, so we must have been high up in the canyon. After a while, he slowed down and pulled into the narrow, curving driveway of a small, single-story house. He parked in the garage, sliding his modest Camry in beside the flashier yellow Maserati.

"Okay." He shut off the engine and turned to me as the garage door came down behind us. "We're here."

Excitement fluttered in my chest, especially when the door stopped with an emphatic click. We were here. Behind closed doors. With no one around to give two shits about us.

"Yeah." I unbuckled my seatbelt and leaned toward him. "We're here."

He grinned, and just like that we were kissing. The console bit into my side and we were still too far apart, but to hell with it. I had James' lips against mine and his fingers in my hair. Those two weeks apart seemed even longer now. Like that weekend had happened way back when we'd met at the diner, and I'd been waiting five years to touch him like this again.

Out of breath already, I broke the kiss and went for his neck. He gasped sharply, kneading my scalp, and slurred, "We should… we should go inside. I could give you a tour."

"Don't want a tour." I panted. "I just want to get you naked."

"Mmm. Bedroom is the first stop on the tour."

I lifted my head. "Well, when you put it like that…"

James licked his lips. "Inside?"

"Definitely."

I had the presence of mind to grab my luggage while James unlocked the door, and we hurried from the garage into the hallway. In the bedroom, I put my bag and suitcase down, wrapped my arms around James, and picked up where we'd left off in the car. This time, though, we didn't have the stupid console in the way. Clothes, yes, but not a mile-wide chunk of plastic.

"I missed you." He said between kisses. "God, Logan…"

"Missed you too." I started on his neck again because I knew how much he loved that because I loved feeling his stubble against my lips and cheek. "As much as I keep thinking about you, I'm going to wear out my right arm."

James laughed, dragging his fingers through my hair. "Same."

The thought of him jerking off while imagining us together was _hot_. Maybe we'd have to heat up our Facetime sessions a bit.

I groaned softly, pressing against him as I let my teeth graze his neck and my head spun with arousal. I'd had plenty of sex before him, but no one had ever turned me on like he did. We hadn't even taken our clothes off yet, and he had me higher than when I was about to come with someone else. How the hell did he do that? Who cared? I loved how I felt when I was tangled up with him. How his kiss drove me wild and his hungry, passionate touches made me shake with need. "God, I want you so bad."

"I'm all yours." He slid his hands down my sides and onto my ass. "And I want you to fuck me like you did last time."

The words pushed all the air out of my lungs. I met his gaze, and the gleam in his eyes told me he was absolutely serious. "Do you?"

James nodded, licking his lips. "Toys just… aren't getting the job done anymore." As if that mental image of him masturbating needed to be any hotter.

I was out of words, so I did the next best thing-slid my hands under his shirt and pushed it off. Once that was out of the way, the rest of our clothes quickly followed, and when James pulled me down onto his bed, we were both completely naked. He parted his thighs to let my hips settle between them, snaked his arms around me, and we kissed hungrily. Breathlessly.

"Want it…" He gasped for breath. "Want it just like this."

"Mmm, yeah?"

"Yeah." He squeezed my hips with his thighs. "Please." The desperation in his voice made my skin prickle with goosebumps.

I kissed him quickly. "Let me get the condoms. They're in my-"

"Got some right here." He nodded toward the nightstand. When I turned, there was an unopened box of condoms and a mostly full bottle of lube.

I grinned at him. "Totally prepared. I like it."

He chuckled. "Uh-huh. So, how about putting one of those one? Like now?"

"Hmm, someone's getting demanding." I kissed him again, harder this time, and he whimpered with what sounded like both pleasure and frustration. As if he liked the kiss, but was still impatient for me to fuck him. Perfect.

I went in to kiss his neck again, and he arched into me with a throaty moan.

"I'm going to fuck you." I breathed, and paused to nip his collarbone. "But that doesn't mean I won't tease you."

He whimpered. "Logan. Please. God." He raked his nails up my back, making me rear up with a gasp and a shiver. "I've been dying for you to do that again since the first time. Don't make me wait."

Well, damn. Who was I to say no to a man who wanted me this badly?

Wordlessly, I reached for the condoms and lube. It took some fumbling-when the hell had my hands started shaking?-but I got the condom on. With a little more clumsiness, I had some lube on my fingers, and I went to kiss James as I teased his hole with slick fingertips.

And dear God, I was glad I was kissing him in that moment, or I might have missed that nearly soundless moan as my fingers slid into him. Or the ragged breath he released when I pushed them deeper.

He took my fingers easily. He was tight, but he didn't resist like most inexperienced guys I'd been with. I had to remind myself he wasn't completely inexperienced. Sure, we'd only done this once before, but he'd done plenty on his own. He knew what he could handle, knew how to relax so it didn't hurt, and he apparently trusted me enough that relaxing that much came easy.

"Please," He whispered again. "I want you."

I kissed him as I fucked him with just my fingers. "Just want to make sure you're ready for me."

He groaned, squirming under me. "Please…"

Holy fuck, the way he begged for it turned me on so much, I was half-tempted to keep teasing him all night just to watch him unravel. Only half-tempted, though. I couldn't wait any longer myself.

I withdrew my fingers and sat up on my knees between his thighs. "Might be more comfortable with a pillow under you."

He put one under his hips and gazed up at me, eyes heavy-lidded and full of lust. Fuck. What a sight. None of those magazine spreads he'd ever done-not even the ones in his underwear-could hold a candle to this. He was still obviously the same man who'd been in those mouthwatering images. The trademark hazel eyes, the gorgeous six-pack, the brunet hair, the full lips-yeah, this was definitely him. But no picture I'd ever seen had captured all the want and need in his beautiful eyes. He never looked at a camera the way he was looking at me right then, and there was no way in hell I could tease him anymore because I had to have him right goddamned now.

I rested my weight on one hand, and with the other, guided myself in.

As I pressed the head of my cock against him, James arched, squeezing his eyes shut and swearing softly.

"This okay?" Jesus, I was out of breath already.

"Y-yeah." He licked his. "More."

In my mind, I was already balls deep inside him, riding him hard and watching him fall apart, but in reality, I stayed in control and moved slowly. He was so, so tight, and I didn't want to hurt him, but judging by his moans and gasps, I wasn't hurting him as, little by little, my cock sank deeper.

"Oh God…" I stared down at him. At his beautiful body, and at my cock sliding inside him. This couldn't be real, could it? I'd imagined everything over the last couple for weeks, and there was no way in hell I was really working myself into this unbelievably hot man while he murmured little pleas for more.

When I'd finally bottomed out, when my hips were pressed flush against his ass, I stopped moving and leaned down to kiss him. James lifted his head to meet me halfway and suddenly it felt so real. I was buried in him, kissing him, and somehow I hadn't fallen to pieces from the sheer intensity of it all.

James rocked his hips, and I got the hint and started moving my own. Slowly at first. Then faster. Harder. James broke the kiss and dropped back onto the mattress, eyes squeezed shut and features taut like he was on the verge of tears. As I picked up speed, he slowly stroked himself. He used his other hand to grip the back of my neck so hard it hurt, and he sounded like he really was about to cry as he whimpered, "Oh yeah...holy fuck…"

"Like that?"

"Ungh… baby…" He opened his eyes, and God, they _had_ welled up, and now they were fixed on me and so damn beautiful. His voice shook as he said, "You feel so good."

"Just… just tell me if you want…" I shivered. "Harder. Or… anything."

James' eyes slid closed again as he shook his head. "No. This is perfect."

"Yeah, it is." I'd found a smooth rhythm, and if it felt half as good as it did for me, I could see why he had tears in his eyes. As it was, I didn't know how long I could keep going before I came. Two weeks of anticipation plus the ridiculously hot view laid out in front of me meant that holding back was just not going to happen.

James moaned again, and he tightened around me. I glanced down and noticed that his stroking was now keeping perfect time with my hips. His breathing changed too, coming in shorter, shallower gasps as the flush in his skin crept down his neck and onto his chest. I could barely breathe myself. Watching him inching closer to the edge was beyond hot, especially knowing I was the one driving him there.

"Oh fuck." I said shakily. "You're gonna come, aren't you?"

He nodded slowly, biting his lip. The muscles in his arm rippled as he pumped his dick, and he was so tight now I knew I wouldn't be far behind him when he came.

"That is so hot." I said through my teeth as I struggled to maintain my rhythm. "Jesus, James."

He arched again, and the helpless sound that escaped his lips had me gasping for breath. "D-don't stop…" His eyes flew open, and the cords stood out on his neck and all his muscles were tense. He stared up at me with wide, desperate, tear-filled eyes. "Oh… _God_ …"

And then cum streaked his six-pack, and I gave up any semblance of trying to stay in control. I fucked him hard as we both cried out and trembled and came, and I kept going until I couldn't move anymore. Couldn't hold myself up anymore. With a sign, I sank down onto him, and James wrapped his shaking arms around me. I managed to pull out, but that was as far as I got, and just buried my face against his neck as I tried to catch my breath.

James stroked my hair with unsteady fingers. "In case it wasn't obvious," He whispered. "I'm really glad you're here."

"Yeah." I said with a smile before pressing a kiss to his feverish skin. "Me too."

* * *

 **Done! So, Jagan have reunited! You know I couldn't keep them apart for long. ;)**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **I loved hearing your thoughts last chapter, as well as your reactions to the story getting out. You won't have too long of a wait for the next chapter, as I'm planning on having that up within the next few days or so!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Me again! :P**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter. I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **Also, I know this is a day late, but Happy #9YearsOfBigTimeRush! It's so** **crazy to think that it's been 9 years already. I've made so many friends through this fandom, and I am so thankful for each and every one of you. :)**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

We didn't leave James' bedroom until almost ten the next morning. We were awake well before then, but a couple of lazy handjobs and some long, indulgent cuddling kept us in bed for a while. Which was fine by me.

When we finally dressed and came out to get some coffee and breakfast, I got my first real look at James' house.

I'd been aware when we'd pulled in last night that it was fairly small. Not one of those giant, opulent mansions actors and musicians always seemed to prefer.

It was a single level with a large living room in the middle, the kitchen on one end, garage on the other, and the bedroom off to one side. The whole place seemed to be shaped like a gently curving crescent, and along one side of the house were enormous windows with the most spectacular view of Topanga Canyon and the glittering Pacific. The house was on the lip of the canyon with a small yard behind it, and from there, it was steep, rugged hills covered in what I assumed were hardy desert plants like the cactus behind his deck. I couldn't see any neighbors from here, so it was almost like he had the entire canyon all to himself.

I whistled as I looked out the kitchen window. "This view is amazing."

"Right?" He glanced up from pouring coffee. "I wasn't sure about the house at first, but one look at the view and I was sold."

"It's a nice house, too, though."

"It is, and I really like it." He handed me a cup of coffee. "But I was looking at a few others at the same time, and wasn't in love with it yet." He smiled as he poured some cream in his coffee. "Just wait till you see the sunset. It's amazing."

"I'll bet."

"Maybe we can watch it from here tonight." He nodded toward the backyard, and when I craned my neck, I saw the hot tub shaded by a couple of trees.

"I like the sound of that." I said.

We finished adding everything to our coffees, and then went out onto his back deck. Like the rest of the house, it was relatively small, but there was plenty of room for a table and four chairs. We sat down, and I took a deep breath of the fresh air. I couldn't quite smell the ocean from here, but the air still smelled good with all the plants and without a constant note of car exhaust.

I sipped my coffee. "For some reason, I figured you lived in the city."

James wrinkled his nose. Lounging back in his chair, he gazed out at the canyon. "I got sick of that when I was still working at the diner. The very first thing I did when I had some real money was rent an apartment someplace quieter. Once I'd _really_ made it, I hightailed it out here and never looked back."

"Quite a commute, though, isn't it?"

He shrugged. "It is, but it's worth it. If I'm working really long hours on a film, I'll either get a hotel room or a short-term lease on an apartment. Or crash with a friend. The rest of the time? I'm back here. It's way quieter." He looked around, as if taking in the sight of his house and the canyon for the first time. "They'll never film one of those shows here where some celebrity shows off his house, but it's mine and I like it."

"As well you should. It's gorgeous." I took another swallow of coffee. "I can't imagine you'd want someone filming one of those shows here anyway. It's one thing having someone get in your face in public, but cameras in your house?" I shuddered.

James nodded, eyes fixed on me. "Yeah. It's, um, bad enough how much they sniff around my private life."

My stomach twisted. "You do get used to that after a while, though, right?"

He dropped his gaze to his coffee and chewed his lip. Then, with a sigh, he looked out at the canyon. "I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it gets easy. It gets… less surprising, I guess? You know they're out there, and you kind of learn to just roll your eyes when they make shit up or whatever." He slid his gaze toward me. "Which I guess is my way of saying that if it bothers you, you're not alone."

Well, that was encouraging. Kind of…

It was good to know that I wasn't just overreacting. I sighed and set my coffee on the table. "It… okay, yeah, it does bother me. And it's weird not being able to tell my friends about us."

James cocked his head. "You're not telling them?"

"Not yet." I thumbed the handle on my coffee cup. "They saw the pictures, and they grilled me about what it's like hanging out with you, and if we actually are dating." Staring into my coffee, I quietly said, "For now, I just tell them we're friends. I'm… I trust them, you know? Not to go running to the press or something? But I'm still…" I sighed, not ever sure how to finish the thought.

"I get it." James said, his voice barely a whisper. "It's so easy for stuff like that to slip out. I'm just sorry it's making things weird with your friends." He paused. "Do they know you're here?"

"They think I'm visiting my parents. And I do come here a few times a year to see them, so no one bats an eye."

"That's good. But still…" He shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'll tell them eventually." I lifted my gaze to meet his. "I still feel like the attention shouldn't bother me this much, though. I mean, it's not like the press said anything bad, you know?" I laughed dryly. "There are worse things to be accused of than dating you."

James laughed too, but it didn't last. "I can't decide if I'm glad someone did this now, or if I wish they'd waited a bit longer to catch on."

I studied him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…" He stared out at the canyon again, his eyes unfocused. After a while, he put his coffee cup down beside mine and turned to me. "On one hand, if we're _really_ going to see each other, maybe it's not a bad thing for you to get a taste of what to expect now. So you can decide if it's a deal-breaker or not." He swallowed, then touched my arm. "On the other, I wish they'd given me more time to convince you that we're doing something that's worth putting up with all that."

I blinked, startled by his candor. Resting my hand on top of his, I said, "You don't have to convince me of anything."

He searched my eyes.

"I'm serious." I said as I squeezed his hand. "I knew media attention was par for the course before you came to see me. I knew that when we started making out on the beach. Yeah, it bothers me, and yeah, it's hard to deal with, but I'm here, aren't I?"

"Yeah, you are." He looked down at our hands. "To be honest, I've been worried ever since that article came out. Before you landed last night, I was pretty much making myself sick freaking out and thinking you'd bail. Or that you were just coming to tell me that things weren't going to work out between us." He sighed, shoulders sagging. "Not that I'd have blamed you."

"Hey, no." I turned my chair so we were facing each other. "I won't pretend I like the media attention, but I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to."

He met my eyes through his lashes. "I don't want you to."

I smiled and touched his face. "Then we're good."

He held my gaze, and after a moment, a smile came to life and some of the tension in his posture eased. "Okay. Good. And I mean, it doesn't help that I've never done this before. I have no idea what I'm doing, or what _we're_ doing, or…" He sighed again, shaking his head. "Having all that media bullshit to deal with on top of everything else doesn't help, you know?"

"Yeah. I know." I caressed his cheek. "If it makes you feel better, I don't know what we're doing either."

James' forehead creased. "Really?"

"Really. For all either of us know, we'll get tired of each other in a couple of weeks or a couple of months." I shrugged. "Or we'll end up moving in together by Christmas. It's just too early to know."

That melted away some more of the tension in his face. "Oh. So… we kind of make it up as we go?"

"Exactly." I took his hand again. "There's no real telling what this is, but we can narrow it down as we go by figuring out what it isn't."

"How does that work?"

"Well, we're not just friends anymore. As we go along, we might decide it's not just sex. Or maybe it is." I shrugged again and reached for my coffee. "Or maybe we don't want to be exclusive, or we don't want any kind of commitment. It works itself out over time as long as we stay on the same page."

"Oh." He seemed to chew on that for a long moment. In silence, we drank our cooling coffee, and I finished mine before he spoke again. "I'm, uh… how does it work with being exclusive?"

"How do you mean?"

James drained his cup and put it beside mine. "Is that like asking someone for a serious commitment? Something you don't do this early in the game?"

I shook my head. "No. To tell you the truth, I almost always want to be exclusive right off the bat. I'm not territorial or jealous or anything, I just like it that way."

He searched my eyes again. "Almost always? Like… including now?"

My stomach knotted. We were pretty good so far at talking about things candidly, but conversations like this could turn into minefields in a hurry. "I'm pretty much wired for monogamy. Some guys aren't. I know this is new for you, and we're doing the long-distance thing, so if you want to keep your options open, I totally-"

"No, it's not that." He shifted in his chair, dropping his gaze. "I'm… I guess…" He exhaled hard. "I don't even know. I don't know how any of this works, but I do know that I'm not interested in anyone else. And I'm…" That tension was working its way back into his face and shoulders.

I leaned forward and put a hand on his knee. "Tell me. The more we get out on the table, the more we can make sure we're on the same page."

He covered my hand with his, and gulped. "I don't think I'm comfortable with either of us being with other guys. While we're…" He looked in my eyes. "While we're doing this."

"Okay. Then let's call it exclusive." I smiled. "If we want to change the rules later, we can."

"Oh. Really?"

"Yeah."

And once again, the tension melted away. He laughed, blushing as he dropped his gaze again. "I'm sorry. I must sound like such a clueless idiot."

"You're not clueless. You're inexperienced. There's a difference." I tipped up his chin so I could see his eyes. "Just talk to me, okay? If there's something you want or you don't want."

James nodded, his shy smile coming back to life. "I will."

"Okay. So will I." I moved to the edge of my seat and leaned in for a kiss. He closed the rest of the distance, and I hoped our long, soft kiss was as reassuring for him as it was for me. No, we didn't know where this was going or what all the rules would ultimately be. No, I didn't know yet how to deal with the media hounding us. No, he didn't know firsthand how relationships played out.

But we had this. As long as we talked to each other and paid attention to each other's signals, we could totally do this.

And I had zero problem with things being exclusive this early in the game. Not just because I prefer it that way in general, but because I'd pretty much forgotten other guys even existed.

Going exclusive wasn't too much to ask when the only guy in the world was James.

* * *

"Holy shit." Logan gazed out my kitchen window at the horizon. "You weren't kidding about the sunsets."

"Right?" I handed him a glass of wine and glanced at the sky, which was starting to change colors as the sun inched toward the Pacific. "I'd have paid twice the price for this place just for that." In a stage whisper, I added, "Don't tell my realtor."

Logan chuckled.

I picked up the bottle and led him out the sliding glass door. The hot tub was bubbling quietly, the cover already removed, and I set the bottle and my glass on the table beside it. He took a sip, then put his down too. We exchanged grins, and without a word, stripped out of our shorts and T-shirts. We left them on a chair, safely away from the tub so they didn't get splashed, and got into the water.

"Oh, that's perfect." He purred as he eased himself down into the hot water.

"Good. I never know what temperature other people like, and I like it really hot."

"Fine by me." He sat back against the edge, submerged up to his collarbones. "Just, uh, don't expect anything until I've cooled off a bit."

"Duly noted." I scooted in next to him, and he put his arm around my shoulders. Truth be told, I didn't mind holding off on sex for a little while. As much as I loved everything we did in the bedroom, I'd secretly been fantasizing about this too. Sitting together, naked and cuddled up in the hot tub, watching the sun go down while we sipped wine and just hung out. If the wine and the heat meant neither of us were game for anything until later? Oh well.

Logan reached back and picked up our glasses. He brought them around, handed mine to me, and we drank in comfortable silence for a few minutes. This kind of thing came easy for us-enjoying each other's company even during a lull in conversation.

Earlier today, we'd wandered down one of the trails into the canyon so I could show him some of the other cool views. Part of the time, we'd chatted about whatever-jobs, TV shows, his adorable dog. Occasionally, the conversation would fade away, but it never felt awkward or like I desperately needed to find something to fill the silence. Just being with him was enough.

Now, lounging in my hot tub with a stunning SoCal sunset starting in front of us, it was the same. I liked it. I loved how we could move so effortlessly between conversation and silence, just like how we could easily go back and forth from hanging out to burning up the sheets. He was like the best of all worlds.

 _Please, God,_ I thought for the millionth time today, _don't let me screw this up._

I took another swallow of wine. This was the second bottle we'd gone through since dinner a couple of hours ago, and I had a nice buzz going, so I put the glass aside. Logan drained his and put it down too.

With our hands free and no need to worry about dropping a glass in the water, we cuddled closer. I rested my head on his shoulder and he encircled me in his arms. Between the warmth, the water, and the wine, I was so comfortable now I could almost drift off. I didn't think I'd ever really known what it was like to be this relaxed.

As the sun kissed the water and lit up the ocean in glittering shades of orange and red, my mind backtracked over the last several weeks. It was hard to believe how quickly Logan had gone from being a fleeting encounter in the past to… this. Neither of us knew where we'd go from here, but it was crazy to imagine how much I would have missed if things had happened differently at the Filmmaker Awards. And how easily they _could_ have happened differently.

Before I could stop myself, I broke the silence. "Remember my speech at the awards?"

Logan kissed my temple. "How could I forget? Kind of turned my life on its head."

"Yeah, mine too." I lifted my chin and kissed under his jaw. "You want to know what happened right after that speech?"

"Sure."

I tucked my head against his again and fixed my gaze on the setting sun. "I went backstage and puked."

Logan barked a laugh that seemed to echo through the entire canyon. "What?"

"Yeah." Heat rushed into my face that had nothing to do with the alcohol or hot tub. "I had to talk myself into it like a million times, and then when it was over I kind of freaked out."

He stroked my hair with his wet fingers. "Why's that?"

I swallowed. "I guess I didn't know what would happen next. I'd dropped the hammer, and then… I didn't know. For all I knew, you wouldn't hear it at all, or you might think it was creepy. Or maybe you didn't even remember me." I shrugged under the gentle weight of his arm. "It was out there, you know?"

"Wow. I hadn't thought about that."

I sat up just enough to see his face in the warm light. "Was it weird for you? Hearing about it?"

"I didn't hear about it." He smiled and kissed me. "Remember? I was watching."

"Oh. Right. You said that on the talk show."

"Yep." He laughed, staring out at the sunset. "My friends and I always watch, but when we heard you were nominated, we couldn't miss it."

I put my hand on his leg under the water. "Really?"

He nodded. "They all knew the story of me meeting you in the diner. And we're all fans. So, yeah. We had to watch."

My lips parted. "You told them the story?"

"Oh yeah. I recognized you when we saw Shots Fired, and none of them believed me when I said I'd met you. I showed them the autograph and told them the story. They were still kind of dubious after that, but they definitely believe me now."

I blinked. "I… wow. I didn't realize you'd ever told anyone."

"Why wouldn't I?" He touched my cheek. "You left an impression."

"Whoa."

He chuckled. "That was pretty much my reaction after your speech."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I was, um… well, appropriately enough, I was speechless. So while you were apparently backstage throwing up, I was staring at the screen wondering if I'd just hallucinated."

I laughed "I'm just glad you saw it. I was afraid I'd psyched myself up to say all that, but it wouldn't find its way to you."

"Oh, it did." His hand drifted from my cheek up into my hair. "And look at us now."

"I know, right?" I reached for his face too. "I still can't believe we're here."

"Tell me about it."

He smiled. So did I. Then we came together in a tender kiss, and that kiss lingered. When it became clear this wasn't going to stop anytime soon, I moved to straddle him so we weren't twisting our spines all out of whack.

Logan hummed against my lips as I settled on top of him, and as we held each other close, I didn't think I'd ever imagined making out in the hot tub being quite this sexy. Maybe the heat and the alcohol would keep us from having sex anytime soon, but we didn't need to. Kissing like this didn't have to lead to anything else.

And even more than I had earlier, I couldn't believe how things had played out. That I'd talked myself into making that speech. That he'd heard it. That in the media frenzy that followed, we'd found each other, and that after the talk show, we'd connected again. That we'd connected like _this_.

Five years after I'd fucked up his breakfast order, Logan was in my hot tub, his tongue sweet from the wine we'd been sharing, and we were kissing while the sun set behind me and probably cast long, warm shadows all over the multimillion-dollar view of Topanga Canyon. Everything about my life-everything about this moment-would have been too far-fetched for me to believe back then.

Somehow, though, this was all real.

Like he often did, Logan started kissing his way down to my neck. My skin tingled, goosebumps springing up under the hot water, and I swore as his lips skated along my throat. He loved doing that, and I loved it when he did, and now that I thought about it, maybe he enjoyed being on the receiving end too.

So I did the same. As soon as my lips met the hot, damp skin of his neck, Logan groaned. His arms tightened around me. In the stillness of the canyon, the only sounds were our soft huffs of breath and the quiet bubbling of the hot tub, punctuated by the occasional trickled of water when one of us moved.

This was what movie sex scenes could only aspire to be. We had no flattering lighting, no cinematographer and camera crew making sure everything was from a perfect angle. There was no background music to set the mood. Just the two of us surrounded by hot water and steam and the tranquility I'd moved out here to find. We kissed each other's mouths, necks, shoulders-no rush and no need to wind each other up and take this into the bedroom. I could have stayed out here all night.

After a while, we seperated enough to look in each other's eyes. The sun had fully disappeared now, and everything was dark. I reached past Logan, picked up the remote by the abandoned wine bottle, and switched on the warm lights around the top of the gazebo. They were pretty dim, but provided just enough light that I could see his face.

He smiled up at me. As he curved his hand behind my neck, a few droplets trickled down my back, and I shivered.

"You're not cold, are you?" There was a note of concern in his voice, but he was grinning, so I was pretty sure he knew the answer.

"Definitely not." I sank against him again and found his soft lips with mine. That kiss only lasted for a moment before we looked at each other again. "So much for not doing anything for a while."

Logan laughed almost soundlessly and caressed my cheek. "I didn't say we couldn't do anything. Just nothing that requires a hard-on."

"I have no complaints about what we're doing."

"Good." He drew me back in, and just before our lips met again, whispered, "Neither do I."

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like Jagan are doing great at the moment!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed and that it wasn't too boring. :P The next chapter will be up this weekend, so until then! :)**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hello again everyone! :D**

 **So, before we get into the new chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Side1ways, and Guest for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

It was still dark when my eyes fluttered open. A shard of moonlight came in through the window and illuminated the bedroom just enough to hint at my surroundings. My bedroom. Same window. Same outline of the oak tree just outside. Same shadow of the dresser and mirror against the wall. Same faint buzz of the air conditioning.

And though Logan had never slept in my bed before this weekend, the warmth of his body molded to my back was familiar, too. We'd only spent a few nights together, and I was already more comfortable with him next to me than not. Sometimes we drifted apart during the night, especially if it started getting too hot, but we always found our way back to being tangled up.

He murmured in his sleep and stirred just enough to let his lips whisper across the back of my neck. I shivered, sucking in a sharp breath, and wriggled against him. Just that moment of sleepy contact had my dick swelling and my heart speeding up. Without thinking about it, I pressed my ass against him, and he groaned against my neck.

He was still for a moment, and I thought he might be asleep. Then he murmured again, and the brush of his lips on my skin was definitely deliberate this time. So was the next one. The arm draped lazily over my waist tightened, pulling me closer, and he started kissing up and down the back of my neck. I exhaled, wriggling against him. Whatever effects the wine and the hot tub had had on us before we'd gone to bed, they'd worn off by now. My cock was already fully hard, and his was thickening against my ass.

"I thought I was dreaming." He said sleepily, sliding his hand downward.

"Mmm, if you are, I won't wake you up." I gasped when his fingertips brushed my cock. "Just don't stop."

Logan moaned again. It might have been words, but I didn't catch anything. I was too focused on his slow, lazy strokes and his cock prodding my ass. Oh yeah. The wine and the heat had definitely worn off.

"I still want you to top me." He slurred, nudging me more emphatically with his erection.

In my mind, I saw myself fucking him just like he'd fucked me, and I whimpered. "Anytime."

He nipped at my shoulder. "Anytime, like now?"

My full-body shiver had to have answered the question, but I still managed, "Uh-huh."

A harsh, warm breath rushed past my neck, and the goosebumps hadn't even finished coming to life before he growled, "Get on your back."

I nodded, and when he let me go, I rolled over. The second my shoulder blades landed on the warm sheets, Logan was on top of me. He kissed me, and it was just like being back in the hot tub. The alcohol was long gone, and there was only the heat of our bodies under the covers, but my head spun just like it had earlier. I could _not_ get enough of this man. Of the way _he_ wanted _me_.

He couldn't be pretending to be into me because he was starstruck or because he was horny and I was the nearest willing, warm body. I didn't think there was an actor alive who could be this convincing. The way he kissed me like he wanted to savor every taste of my mouth. The way his breath stuttered whenever I touched him just right. The way he _held_ me. Yeah, if this was fake or superficial, then he was a better actor than I could ever be.

I carded my fingers through his hair. "I don't think I've ever been this turned on in my life."

"Yeah?" His lips curved against mine. "Good. Just the way I like you."

I whimpered, arching under him. "Kind of an automatic thing when I'm naked with you."

"Mmm, perfect." He leaned down to kiss my neck again, and I sucked in a sharp hiss as I dragged my fingers up his back. I let my nails bite in a little, and the strangled sound Logan made was definitely _do that again_.

So I did. And he bit my shoulder. And I dug my nails in a little more. And Logan's helpless moan reverberated all the way down to my dick.

"Let me fuck you." I begged.

"Oh, I will." He came back up and kissed my mouth. Barely breaking the kiss, he murmured, "Let me get the lube." He moved off me and turned on the bedside lamp. I flinched, but my eyes adjusted pretty fast. We'd left the lube and condoms on the nightstand last night, and he grabbed the bottle, but no condom. Our eyes met, and he must have seen the question in my eyes. "I need a little prep too. Condom comes next."

"Right. Right." I licked my lips. "So, what do I do?"

"Same thing you do when you're going to use a toy on yourself." He lay on his back beside me and offered the lube. "Fingers until I'm relaxed enough for more."

"I can handle that." I tamped down my nerves. He was right. I did this every time I broke out one of my toys, so I knew what to do. I just hadn't done it on someone else before. It couldn't be _that_ different, could it? Just a bit less contortion?

"Hey." He stroked my forearm with the backs of his fingers. "It's okay if you're nervous."

"That's good." I laughed. "Because I am."

"I know."

"Am I that transparent?"

"No." He lifted his head for a kiss. "But it's your first time on top. Everyone's nervous."

Okay, that made sense. I figured most guys did this when they were teenagers. Being a mid-twenty-something with all the experience of a high school sophomore while I was hooking up with an experienced guy? Just a _bit_ daunting.

Still, nerves be damned, I wanted this, so I put some lube on my fingers and lay beside him. He parted his legs, and I almost forgot all about those nerves when he drew me in for a kiss.

Logan gently took my wrist and guided my hand down. I slipped my slick fingers into his crack, and when I found his hole, he groaned against my lips. It was a little odd, teasing someone else like this. I knew how it felt when it was me, and I knew when I was relaxed enough to actually press in. With him, it wasn't quite so easy.

Except, maybe it was. His lips softened against mine. His breathing slowed. Muscles relaxed. So, experimentally, I pressed. Without much effort at all, I pushed a finger into him. Then a second. Logan broke the kiss enough to whisper " _Fuck…_ "

"This okay?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah." He squirmed behind me. "Jesus, babe…"

My nerves disintegrated, replaced by arousal and need. His kiss was even hungrier than before, and every little catch of his breath or twitch of his muscles came through loud and clear when we were this close together. His hips rocked almost imperceptibly, like he wanted to encourage my hand to move faster. When I took the hint, he moaned into my kiss and rocked faster.

Suddenly, he grabbed my wrist, and I almost panicked until he said, "That's enough of that. I want you inside me."

I almost came right then and there. "H-how do you… position?"

Logan licked his lips and met my gaze. "I liked how you looked on your back."

"Really?"

"Mm-hmm. So I'm gonna get on top. That was you can just lie back and enjoy it."

I squeezed my eyes shut, a couple of curses slipping past my lips as I imagined him riding my cock. "Y-yeah. Please."

Logan kissed my neck. Then he pushed himself up. "Let me get a condom." He grabbed one off the nightstand as I rolled onto my back. Sitting on his knees beside me, he tore the wrapper with his teeth then flashed me a grin before he started rolling the rubber onto me.

"Oh God." I said, watching his hands work.

"I haven't even done anything yet." He said with a laugh.

"Anticipation. I want… fuck…"

Logan grinned, but he didn't say anything. My mouth watered as I watched him pouring lube onto his hand, and when he started stroking it onto my cock, I had to grab onto the bed sheets just to keep from tumbling right off the mattress. If it was this intense when it was just his hand… Christ…

He straddled me again and gestured down. "Hold yourself steady for me."

I nodded, and I held my cock by the base while he lowered himself. The head pressed against his hole, and for a moment I was worried he wouldn't be able to take me. He was just so tight.

After a few seconds, though, he eased down more, and the head slipped in, and the barrage of sensations drove a strangled cry out of me that probably echoed across Topanga Canyon. "Holy fuck!"

Logan breathed a soft laugh as he lifted up again. "Like that?"

I nodded soundlessly. Some words came to the tip of my tongue, but then Logan came back down, and… screw words.

He wasn't quite as mute. As he took me deeper, he closed his eyes and let his head fall back. " _Ooh_ , yeah."

I stared up at him, barely able to breathe as my cock slid into him. My God, he was gorgeous. As he started moving faster, he cursed softly, his brow furrowing and his eyes squeezing shut. It blew my mind that I was doing this to him. Even if he was the one moving and doing all the work, he was responding to my cock deep inside him, and between that and how amazing it felt to fuck his tight ass, I could barely stand it.

"God, James." He breathed. His body was tense under my hands. Every muscle in his body seemed to tremble with the exertion of staying in control. Of moving slowly up and down on my dick. He was so hot, and so tight, and everything about this was incredible. It was probably just as well I had a condom on-doing this bareback would have short-circuited my brain for sure.

Little by little, he picked up speed. How he was able to stay that coordinated while he was being fucked, I had no idea, but now I understood why he'd suggested I lay back and enjoy the ride. If I'd been in his position, or I'd been behind him, or something that involved more than just giving in to gravity, I wouldn't have had any rhythm at all, never mind a steady one.

I didn't just want to lie here and let him do all the work, though, so I kept one hand on his thigh as if that might anchor both of us, and with the other, I started stroking him.

Logan's eyes flew open and locked right on mine.

Grinning up at him, I asked, "Like that?"

"Oh yeah." He shivered, biting his lip, and rode me harder. "You feel... _amazing_."

I couldn't even breathe. I knew how it felt now, taking a guy's cock like that, so every response that registered-a shudder, a catch of his breath-was a hundred times hotter because I knew what he was feeling. And I was feeling what he did whenever he topped me, and… and… _oh God_.

"I'm gonna come." I sounded like I was in tears, and this time I didn't give a damn if I was. Stroking him faster, lifting my hips as much as I could in this position, I whispered again, "I'm gonna come."

"M-me too." His rhythm faltered, and he clenched around me, and his cock was even thicker and harder in my hand as he slurred, "God, James, I'm…"

My eyes rolled back. I suddenly needed to be as deep as he could take me, and I dug my heels into the bed and thrust up into him, and the cry he released sent me over the edge so hard I couldn't believe I didn't pass out. Logan wasn't far behind, and as I came inside him, he shot his load across my hand and stomach, hot come hitting my skin and driving me even more wild.

With heavy sighs, we both collapsed-me back onto the mattress, him over the top of me. He shakily lifted himself up enough to let me slide out. Then he came back down and buried his face in my neck, and I wrapped my arms around him. It was impossible to say who was breathing harder, as if it mattered. We just held each other and let the last few aftershocks ripple through us.

Closing my eyes, I couldn't help smiling as I trailed my fingers through his sweaty hair. For my entire adult life, I'd been frustrated that I'd never been with a guy. Now, though? I didn't mind that it had taken so long to get here. Maybe there'd been years in there where I'd been painfully lonely and aching for some kind of intimacy, but now I couldn't imagine being like this with anyone else.

 _It took us a while to find each other._

I smoothed his hair and kissed his shoulder.

 _But you were so worth the wait._

* * *

I had about two seconds to wonder if last night had been a dream. Then I rolled over, and the twinges in my hips and the ache in my ass said, no, that had definitely not been a dream. I grinned to myself as I gazed up at James' bedroom ceiling. Last night had been real, and it had been awesome.

James wasn't in bed, but I wasn't alarmed. I'd been vaguely aware of him leaving earlier, and a few minutes ago, he'd tiptoed in for a shower. From the sweaty gym clothes he'd been wearing, I figured he'd stepped out for a run or a session in his home gym. I probably should have gotten up and asked to join him.

 _Eh. I'm on vacation. Besides, who am I kidding? Me and the gym don't get along._

It wasn't like I was being completely sedentary this weekend anyway. Sex counted as cardio, didn't it?

The shower shut off. A minute later, James came out of the bathroom in a pair of boxers, his hair wet and tousled. "Oh, hey. You're awake."

"Finally." I smiled sleepily at him. "You already up and working out? Making the rest of us look bad?"

He chuckled as he slid under the covers and scooted toward me. When he'd settled against me, I wrapped my arm around him and rested my hand on his waist. Draping his arm over me, he said, "If I don't work out for more than a day or two, the guilt will eat me alive."

I ran and appreciative hand up the smooth plane of his side. "Well, I guess I can't complain. You get some damn good results, that's for sure."

Ah, there was that shy laugh that made me warm all over. I leaned over and kissed his forehead.

His palm drifted up the middle of my chest. "I was going to suggest getting some coffee and breakfast started, but now I don't want to get up."

"Coffee can wait." I pulled him a little closer. "We don't get to do this very often."

"No, we don't." He tucked his head under my chin, his damp hair cool and his skin hot.

I closed my eyes and slid my hand up and down his arm. This was exactly what I missed whenever a relationship ended. Even a casual one. Sure, sex was awesome, but I loved this part even more. Given that we were doing the long distance thing, I wasn't about to pass up every available opportunity to quietly cuddle up with James.

"So, once we do get out of bed," He said after a while. "What do you want to do with the rest of the day?"

"Hmm. Don't know. What about you?"

He shrugged. "There's not a whole lot we can do without going out in public." He looked up at me, forehead creased. "I hope that's not too boring, just hanging out here."

"Boring?" I laughed and stroked his arm with my fingertips. "That's, um, not the word I'd use to describe hanging out with you."

God, that adorable smile was going to be the death of me. "You know what I mean. You came all the way down here, and we're just staying in."

"It isn't like I've never been to LA."

"Okay, true. It must be weird, coming back."

"Kind of, yeah. The city's changed a lot, but I still mostly know my way around." I paused. "It _is_ a little weird this time, though."

James tensed. "How do you mean?"

"It's, um…" I chewed my lip, fixing my gaze on the ceiling instead of looking at him.

He slid a hand up my chest. "Tell me."

I pretended not to notice the heat in my cheeks, and quietly said, "This is, um, the first time I've been back and not gone to see my parents."

"Oh. Do you want to?"

I turned to him. "What?"

James curved his hand around my elbow. "I mean, I don't know how they feel about you dropping in at the last minute and on such short notice, but if you want to grab dinner or something with them, we can." It was his turn to avoid my eyes. "Or, I mean, if you're rather not take me, we-"

"I don't want to spend any of this trip away from you. If I go see them, I'm taking you with me." I lifted my eyebrows. "But would you _want_ to meet my parents?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"Well, we just started seeing each other." I shifted uneasily. "Some guys are a little weird about meeting the parents so early in the game. Like it's some huge step in a relationship and means we're getting serious or something."

Worry creased James' brow. "Oh…"

"But I don't think it has to mean that." I went on. "If you really are comfortable meeting them, I'm sure they'd love to meet you." I smiled. "In fact, I'm pretty sure they'll adore the hell out of you."

The worry turned to shyness. "Really?"

I nodded. "Really." I studied him. "It could be fun, but did you have anything else in mind for today?"

"Nope. Just hiding out here and hoping nobody with a camera sees us." He paused like he needed to think for a second and make sure he was really on board before he said, "I'm totally game if you are."

"Prefect." I kissed his forehead. "I'll give them a call."

* * *

 **Done! It seems that things are progressing nicely with Jagan!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! In a way, this was a lead-in to the next chapter, which will have James meeting Logan's parents!**

 **Until next time! :D**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hello again everyone! :D**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Side1ways, RainbowDiamonds, and Guest for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

My parents were thrilled to have us come over.

I'd apologized for imposing and promised to cook dinner, but I also emphasized that it was important that we not go out in public. I didn't explain exactly why yet. That seemed like something to discuss in person. They didn't question me about that part, which wasn't surprising. I'd had a couple of boyfriends in the past who'd been closeted, and my parents understood that discretion was necessary.

Mom also insisted she'd make dinner, and she refused to argue, so I let the subject drop. Secretly, I was relieved. As much as I loved cooking and was perfectly happy to do it for the family, there was nothing quite like her cooking.

"Hope you're hungry." I said to James as I hung up. "My mom's making dinner, which means _so much_ food."

James grinned. "Just don't tell anyone if I actually eat like a normal human being for once."

Frowning, I pocketed my phone. "You don't usually?"

"Not when I'm going to be filming soon." He sighed, shaking his head. "I know it looks good in pictures and everything, but this shit?" He ran a finger up and down his tight T-shirt, as if to indicate the six-pack underneath. "It's a fuckload of work to maintain. I'd rather eat, damn it."

"I never thought of that. I always heard they took some serious work, but…"

"Yeah, 'serious work' as in busting my ass in the gym in between starving myself for a week before I have to take my shirt off."

I grimaced. "Really?"

"Yep. All those magazine spreads where I'm half-naked? My stomach was growling _audibly_ during every single one of those shoots."

"Jesus."

"Part of the job." He shrugged. "But today, I fully intend to eat like a normal person. So…" He put his finger to his lips and added in a loud whisper, "Don't tell."

I put an arm around him and kissed his temple. "Your secret's safe with me."

"Good. So when do they expect us?"

"Around two. That should give us time to visit with them, have dinner, and head for the airport."

He nodded, a grin slowly forming. "It also means we've got some time to ourselves before we leave."

"Hmm, I guess it does."

XxX

We put my luggage in the trunk of James' Camry-the Maserati would attract way too much attention, especially in my parents' middle-class neighborhood-and I drove since I knew the way. I called my mom when we were close to the house, and by the time I pulled in the driveway, she'd opened the garage door for us.

"They don't mind us using their garage?" James asked as we got out of the car.

"Not at all. My dad's out right now, so he'll just park behind Mom's car when he gets in." I let us into the house through the garage. As we toed off our shoes, I called out, "Mom?"

"In the kitchen, sweetheart."

I glanced at James, and he suddenly looked _really_ nervous. I put a hand on is back. "Come on. She'll love you. I promise."

He didn't relax, but he let me lead him from the utility room into the kitchen.

Mom was at the sink, and she turned around, wiping her hands with a dishtowel. "Hey, honey!"

"Hey." I have her a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, then nodded toward James. "So, um. This is-"

"I know exactly who this is." My mom put the towel aside and extended her hand. "It's lovely to have you in our home, James. I'm Joanna."

He smiled and shook her hand. "Thanks for having us over. Sorry for all the secret covert stuff."

She laughed. "Well, now that I know who Logan's dinner guest is, it makes sense. And I guess I should have known after that article." Her expression shifted to one of deep concern. "That must be so stressful, being mobbed everywhere you go."

James chuckled and shrugged. "Occupational hazard."

"I suppose it is. Well, come on in and have a seat. You boys want any coffee?"

James turned to me as if he were following my lead. I put a gentle hand on the small of his back as I said to my mom, "Yeah, I'll take some."

He hesitated, then quietly said, "Me too. Thank you."

"Give me just a minute, then." She started pulling cups down from the cabinet.

"Mom, are you sure you don't want me to help with-"

"I'm not making my son cook when he comes over." She shooed us toward the living room. "Go sit."

I knew better than to argue, so I led James into the living room. As we sat on the couch, I wrapped my arm around his shoulders. He tensed, glancing at me uneasily.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I, um…" His eyes flickered toward my arm, then met mine. "Are you sure we should…"

I smiled. "We won't offend my parents, if that's what you're worried about."

He held my gaze, disbelief written all over his face.

"I promise." I kissed his cheek. "They know I'm gay, and as long as we don't start making out or something, they're totally fine with it."

"You sure?"

"Trust me." I started to lift my arm away. "If you're not comfortable with it, though, we-"

"No, no, I am. It's just something new. Being like this around other people." He swallowed. "But you know your parents."

"I do." I let my arm settle against the back of his shoulders again, and curled my fingers around his arm. His apprehension hung on for a second, but slowly seemed to melt away.

A moment later, my mom came in with three steaming cups of coffee. Once everyone had a cup, she took a seat in her usual weathered old recliner.

"So, where's Dad?" I asked.

"He ran up to the grocery store to get a few things for dinner." She shot me a pointed look, preemptively warning me against arguing about who was cooking. "He should be back in a few minutes." She sipped her coffee, and as she set the cup down, she said, "I'm tickled to see that the two of you reconnected. I was worried that show would be the end of it, but I know Logan wanted to see you again."

My cheeks burned, and I could feel James' gaze on me. I turned to meet those beautiful hazel eyes. He didn't seem startled or put off by what my mom had said. I wasn't sure why I thought he would.

James turned to my mom. "Yeah, I wanted to see him again too. Took a while to work it out because I was right in the middle of a promo tour, but…" He shifted his attention back to me, and my heart fluttered. "It was so worth it."

Mom beamed. "My goodness, you two are so cute together."

James blushed, and I was pretty sure my own cheeks were visible from space. Fortunately, before Mom could embarrass us any further, the rumble of the garage door turned all our heads.

"Oh." Mom said. "Sounds like your father's home."

James tensed beside me, pulling in a sharp breath.

"Relax." I said softly, giving his shoulders a gentle squeeze. "He's as cool about it as she is."

He swallowed.

A moment later, the garage door closed again, and the kitchen door opened. There was some rustling and clattering while he put groceries away, and then he came into the living room and zeroed right in on James. "So, you must be the new boyfriend."

James went rigid, and some color drained from his face.

"Dad, this is James." I said as casually as I could. "James, my dad."

"Um…" James gulped and stood.

Dad crossed the living room and extended his hand over the coffee table. "It's good to meet you, James."

They shook hands, and James looked stunned even as he said, "Y-you too, sir."

Dad chuckled. "You don't have to call me sir. Just David is fine."

"Oh. Okay." James glanced at me as if for confirmation, and I nodded.

"Take it easy." Dad said with a quiet laugh. "You're not the first guy he's brought over." Dad shot me a look. "This one better not be a dumbass like-"

"Oh my god, Dad." I groaned and rolled my eyes. "You're never going to let me live him down, are you?"

"Not in your life, kiddo."

James threw me a quizzical look.

I patted the cushion beside me, and as he sat back down, I said, "Some of my other boyfriends have been… um…"

"Idiots?" Mom supplied.

"Oxygen thieves?" Dad suggested.

I scowled, but when James laughed, I relaxed.

"Oh, really?" He asked with a playful grin. "You might have to tell me about some of these guys sometime."

"I'd rather not." I muttered. "But they haven't _all_ been bad."

"No, they haven't." Dad said. "Still doesn't mean I'm gonna let you live down the ones who were. Especially that one dope." He raised his brow pointedly.

I just groaned again. Dad went back into the kitchen, probably for some coffee, and James released a long breath.

Before I could offer some reassurance, Mom beat me to it. "You've got nothing to worry about in this house, honey. Just don't say anything bad about the Raiders or the Lakers, and we'll do just fine."

"Oh." James rolled his shoulders, and after a moment, eased back against my arm. "This is the first time I've met a guy's family before. I guess I'm a bit nervous."

She smiled warmly. "It's okay. Fortunately your man lowered the bar with a few of the guys he's brought home before."

I laughed. "Really, Mom?"

James elbowed me gently in the ribs. "I like her."

"Traitor."

"That's me." He flashed a toothy grin. "Stealing your mom's love and your dog's affection."

Mom's face lit up. "Oh, you've met Lola?"

"Met her? Oh my god, I _love_ her. I'm surprised I could move my arm after we took her to the dog park."

"She does have a lot of energy." Mom laughed, reaching for her coffee. "She's such a sweetheart."

"She is." James said. "Makes me miss having a dog, but my job doesn't really leave a lot of room for pets."

"That's a shame." Mom paused, then brightened a little. "But my grandpuppy is a good substitute if you can't have one of your own."

"Yeah, she is." James glanced at me with one of those heart-melting smiles. "Her owner isn't so bad either."

I laughed. "Gee, I'm touched."

He just snickered.

Dad came back into the room with a cup of coffee.

He sat in the recliner next to Mom's and looked at James. "So, you're an actor?"

James nodded stiffly, some of his nerves returning as if he were still wary of my dad.

"How do you like that business? Showbiz and all that?"

James shrugged. "It has its ups and downs. I love what I do and I'm not waiting tables anymore, so I can take the bad with the good."

Smiling, Dad nodded. "Can't ask for much more than that with a job, can you?"

"Not really, no."

"Are you working on anything right now?" Mom asked.

"I will be soon. We start shooting next month."

She straightened. "Oh! Can you tell us about it?"

James grimaced. "I would, but they made me sign about twelve reams of non-disclosure agreements to make sure nothing gets leaked." He gestured at the window behind us. "I'm pretty sure they have drones following me around and listening."

Dad snorted. So did I.

Mom just laughed. "Well, we'll be in line to see it when it comes out. Whatever it is."

That seemed to give James pause. "Really?"

"Of course." She smiled broadly. "We won't brag that our son is dating the star, but we can sit in the audience and be smug about it."

James and I both laughed. I gave his knee a playful squeeze. "Don't think she's joking, by the way. Twenty bucks says they send you a selfie from the theatre."

He grinned. "Awesome. Actually… I usually get a handful of tickets to the premiere. I can try to get you a pair."

"Oh, that would be nice." Mom said. "What do you think, hon?"

Dad nodded. "I'm not gonna say no to free movie tickets, especially on opening night."

I coughed as I said, "Freeloaders."

"Hey!" Mom shot me a stern look that wasn't at all convincing. "You're here having dinner in my house. I don't want to hear about freeloaders."

I put up my hands. "Hey, I offered to make dinner."

"Mm-hmm, and we offered to buy tickets of James' movie. So there." She stuck her tongue out at me, so I stuck mine out too.

James smothered a laugh. "Oh my god. I see where you get, like, everything."

"Damn right." Dad jerked his thumb at Mom. "Blame her."

"I beg your pardon?" Mom huffed. "Because I seem to recall he gets his foul mouth from you, mister."

Dad grumbled something, I rolled my eyes. Beside me, James was vibrating with barely contained laughter.

"Anyway," Dad said. "How is work these days?"

"Eh." I shrugged. "People coming in because they think they're dying, but they really have a minor cold. People who think they just have a minor cold, but they're really dying. Same old, same old."

James stiffened. "What?"

"Hand to God." I said with a laugh.

"Never a dull moment." Dad said into his coffee cup.

"I wouldn't go that far. But yeah, there's always something interesting happening."

Mom started to say something else, but the chirp of a cell phone made us all pause.

Beside me, James jumped, and he tugged his phone out of his pocket. He frowned at the screen, and then turned to me with an apologetic grimace. "I'm sorry. It's my assistant. I really need to take this."

I nodded. "No problem."

He got up and stepped into the kitchen, apologizing again as he hurried out of the room.

As soon as he was more or less out of earshot, Mom faced me. "He's lovely, honey. And not just to look at, either."

"I know. He's amazing." _And I still can't believe we're doing this._

Mom's smile faltered, and she cut her eyes toward the kitchen where James was talking on the phone. "That boy needs to eat more, though."

"Mom." I kept my voice quiet, but with an edge of sterness. "Dont."

She faced me. "But he's so _thin_."

"I know, but it kind of comes with the territory of his job." I whispered. "He eats. I promise."

"Let him be, honey." Dad patted her leg. "Some boys are just slim. You know that."

Scowling, she watched the kitchen doorway for a moment. Finally, she gave a little nod that made Dad and me both relax. She'd keep her thoughts to herself.

Mom meant well. She would never openly tell a slim person they needed to eat or anything, just like she'd never harp on an overweight person to lose a few pounds, but by virtue of dating me, James was basically her son now. And if there was one thing Mom did like clockwork, it was worry herself senseless over her kids.

I didn't get enough sleep, my sister worked too many hours-it was just how our mom was. My last boyfriend had been too stressed. The one before him had needed to put on more sunscreen before he took his pale skin outside. Hell, she even fretted over Lola, and she'd nearly had a coronary when Lola'd had a deep scratch on her muzzle from getting too close to a neighbor's cat.

I loved that she instantly cared so deeply about anyone in my world, and that she didn't hesitate to pull James into that bubble. As of today, she was going to worry about James as much as she worried about the rest of us.

Dad glanced toward the kitchen and lowered his voice. "Are you sure you can handle this kind of thing? I mean, he's a package deal with the reporters and all that."

"Yeah. Of course." I leaned back as casually as I could and draped my arm across the back of the couch, hoping the movement masked an uncomfortable shiver. "I'm not _thrilled_ about that part, but if it means getting to be with him…" I smiled.

My parents did too, but concern lingered in both their expressions.

"He knows you're not big on being the center of a bunch of attention, right?" Mom asked.

"Oh yeah. And he gets it. That's part of why we're keeping things quiet for now. To avoid all that."

Mom and Dad exchanged looks.

"But what happens of you're together for a while?" Dad asked. "You're not going to be able to hide behind closed doors forever."

"I can't imagine you'd want to hide forever." Mom said. "Just… I'm worried about what will happen when you decide not to. There's always going to be a lot of focus on James, and there will be on anyone he's with, too."

I tried for a reassuring smile. "Of course. And we'll cross that bridge when we get there." And I'd try like hell not to think about it until we did.

My parents didn't press, and a moment pater, James returned and sat down. "I'm so sorry about that. My poor assistant is working herself to death again."

Mom tilted her head. "Doesn't she know it's Sunday?"

He laughed dryly. "I reminded her of that twice, believe me. She enjoys it, though, and she still takes plenty of downtime."

"But is everything okay?" I asked.

"Oh yeah. Just a bunch of scheduling stuff for the next two weeks. Someone wanted to reschedule an interview, and the only way to do that was to shuffle around four other things." He shook his head. "I don't know how she does it, but she always makes everything line up."

"Must be a miracle worker." Mom mused. "I can't even keep my own doctor's appointments straight."

Dad grunted with amusement.

Mom cuffed his elbow, but even as she scowled, her eyes were sparkling with laughter. Typical day in the Mitchell household.

I glanced at James, and he smiled back at me.

Funny how this really did feel like a typical day in my childhood home. It was just like bringing any other boyfriend over to meet my parents. The fanboy in me had fully vacated, and James really was just… James.

And somehow that left me more starstruck than the moment he'd mentioned me in his speech.

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like things are going well with Jagan and Logan's parents!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **The next chapter will contain more of Jagan and Logan's parents! That'll more than likely be up by around Monday or Tuesday, so you won't have too long of a wait for that. :)**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Hello again everyone! :D**

 **Before we go any further, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Side1ways, and Guest for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I hadn't expected to be this comfortable with Logan's family. At first, I hadn't been. My guard had gone up as soon as we'd pulled into their driveway, and it stayed up even while I'd met and chatted with his parents.

Little by little, though, that defense had eroded. I still wasn't entirely sure about touching in front of Logan's family, but I followed his lead. By the time dinner was ready, I'd relaxed enough that the casual affection with Logan felt almost as easy and normal as it did when we were alone. Almost. Part of me still expected someone to get on our cases or order us apart.

But they never did, and by the time dinner was over, I could breathe and wasn't so edgy. In fact, I felt ridiculous for ever _being_ that edgy.

In _fact_ , I was disappointed when Logan looked at his phone and sighed heavily. "Damn. We'd better get going. I have to get to the airport."

Joanna deflated. "So soon?"

"Yeah." He pocketed his phone and grimaced apologetically. "My flight's not for a few hours, but I'm flying out of San Diego, so we need-"

"San Diego?" Logan's dad cut in. "Why in the world would you go that far?"

"It's, um…" I sheepishly said. "It's so people don't see us. LAX and even Burbank are crawling with photographers." Turning to Logan, I took his hand in mine. "I don't want him getting mobbed just for being with me."

"Oh." His parents both said.

"Like I said, occupational hazard."

Joanna scowled. "That's terrible that people stalk you like that. I can see why you're keeping things a secret."

"What happens if people find out?" David asked.

I shifted uncomfortably, stealing a glance at Logan. "I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

Logan shuddered, but didn't say anything.

We could have let the conversation linger, but we really did need to hit the road. SoCal traffic was both predictable and unpredictable-predictably terrible, but could get unpredictably worse. If Logan was going to make his flight, we had to go.

We tried to help to clear away the dinner dishes first, but his mom herded us out of the kitchen. "I can handle the rest of this. You boys get your shoes on."

We didn't argue, and I followed him into the utility room so we could put on our shoes. David came in to say goodbye. He shook my hand and gave Logan a tight hug. I found myself feeling like an idiot for being so wary of the man earlier. Years of my own father's homophobic bullshit had left an impression, though, and it had taken the better part of this visit to fully accept that David Mitchell didn't see a damned thing wrong with his son dating me. How surreal.

"You boys drive safely." David turned to me, his expression serious but warm. "If you get tired on your way home and don't think you can make it all the way back to Topanga, you stop back in here, you hear me?"

I nodded, and my voice was thick when I said, "Yeah. Thank you."

The seriousness faded, and he smiled as he gave my shoulder a firm squeeze.

A moment later, Joanna came in. "Here, honey." She pushed a Tupperware dish into my hands. "Take this with you."

"I…" I looked down at the dish. "Thank you. You don't have to-"

"Don't argue with her." Logan said, almost groaning. "Or she will sneak it into the car while you're not looking."

His mom huffed. "I will not!"

He shot her a look.

She lifted her chin, almost suppressing a smile. "I only do that with my own kids."

"And he's dating me, so…" He rolled his hand like _do the math_.

She laughed. "That's true."

Chuckling, he looked at me. "Consider yourself adopted into the fold as long as we're seeing each other."

"Really?" I asked.

Logan nodded. "Really."

"Oh. Well… thank you." I took the Tupperware from her, and I tried not to let it show that my throat was getting a little tight.

There was no way in hell I could ever bring a boyfriend home to meet my parents, and my parents would _never_ have called a boyfriend of mine an honorary family member, least of all after a single afternoon together. And after being estranged from my own family for so long, being so quickly and easily accepted into his like this-as if there was no reason for them not to pull me in-hit some emotional spots that I hadn't realized were this raw.

It made me miss… not my toxic family, but the feeling of being _part_ of a family. Of being in the presence of a family who wanted me to be a part of it.

Logan's mom hugged me and kissed my cheek. Then she stuck a Post-It note to the lid of the dish. "You're always welcome here, honey, even if Logan's not in town. Just give us a call or come to the door."

I looked down and realized she'd handwritten a couple of phone numbers on the note. That lump in my throat was getting harder to hold back, but I managed as I smiled at her. "Thank you. I'll keep that in mind."

We headed out to the garage, and Logan asked, "Are you driving or am I?"

"I can drive. You're the one who has to deal with airport security, so you might as well relax for this part."

"Works for me. It's your car anyway." He tossed me the keys. "But next time I want to drive the other one."

I chuckled as I slid into the driver's seat. "Yeah, we'll see. Don't think I didn't notice some of those rolling stops."

"I beg your pardon?" He shut the passenger door. "Those are called California stops, and we _are_ in California."

"Uh-huh." I turned the key.

"What? It isn't like I speed."

"Much."

"Pfft. Says the guy who was driving like a bat out of hell when we left San Diego."

"Um, yeah?" I started backing out of the garage. "The sooner I got you home, the sooner I'd have you naked."

"Well, damn. Can't argue with that."

Hopefully oblivious to our conversation, Logan's parents waved at us from the driveway. We waved back, and then I put the car in drive and headed for the main road. Neither of us said anything for a while. In fact, we were almost to the freeway before Logan finally spoke.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Today was just a lot to get my head around."

"How so?" He laced our fingers together. "Meeting a boyfriend's parents?"

"Meeting a boyfriend's parents who are totally okay with me being their son's boyfriend. It's just so weird. Your parents don't even blink over you being gay or about us being together." I shook my head. "Adopting me into the fold? I know you guys were kind of joking about that, but…"

"Not as much as you might think." He said softly.

"That's…" I exhaled. "So alien to me." I squeezed his hand. "Thanks for taking me to meet them. It was really nice, being around your family. Especially since we didn't have to hide, you know, us." I swallowed. "That never would have happened with my family even if I was still talking to them."

"Obviously they don't deserve you, then." He kissed our joined hands. "My mom's not kidding, by the way. Call her anytime."

I smiled and tried to swallow my emotions again. Part of me suddenly wanted to get back in touch with my parents and tell them _this_ was how a family should treat a gay son and his boyfriend. Only a small part of me, though. The rest was all too aware of how toxic those people were, and that it didn't start or end with me being gay. I would never voluntarily subject myself to that crap again, and I sure as hell wouldn't put Logan in their crosshairs.

As I got on the freeway, Logan said, "I promise they won't tell anyone about us, either. Our secret's safe with them."

At that, my heart sank again.

"What's the matter?" He asked.

Apparently I wasn't hiding it very well, so I didn't pretend it was nothing. "I just hate that we have to keep this so quiet. I want us to be able to go out, tell our friends about us, that kind of thing."

"Me too." He sounded tired all of a sudden. "Cameras and being the center of attention...that scares the hell out of me. But keeping everything quiet is… I mean, I've even been avoiding my friends lately because I _still_ don't know whay to them, but I don't want to keep it from them either. It's…" He sighed. "To be honest, it's kind of like being in the closet all over again."

I winced. "Jesus. I'm sorry."

We exchanged glances, but neither of us said anything. What was there to say? Secrecy was the name of the game unless we wanted our business all over the internet. Coming out as gay had meant my sexuality coming up in every single interview for a solid two years. Even now, interviewers still asked about it. Sometimes it was about how I felt being an openly gay actor in an industry-and world-that still didn't quite know what to do with me. Sometimes it was about whether I was seeing anyone or if it was true that there was something happening between me and some guy who'd been spotted in my proximity.

Just someone snapping a picture of me with Logan, just catching us in a moment where it looked like we were sharing some more-than-platonic affection, had set the internet on fire. If it ever came out that we really were dating…

 _Then people will see what a gorgeous, amazing man I have._

"We don't have to keep this a secret forever." I whispered.

"I know." He patted my thigh. "One thing at a time, though."

 _Assuming someone doesn't find out about us before we're ready to be found out._

But I kept that thought to myself.

XxX

"Hey." Kelly nudged my knee. "Earth to James?"

I shook myself and sat up, my couch creaking with the motion. "Sorry, what?"

She studied me. After a moment, she put her tablet on the coffee table. "Okay, what's wrong? You've been on another planet since I got here. In fact, you've been out of it for a while now." She inclined her head. "Talk to me."

Well, if there was anyone I could talk to, it was her. She was paid to be my assistant, but we were also close friends and confidantes. We'd talked through her last breakup and before that, her divorce, and there were few people I could trust like I could Kelly.

And if I didn't talk to _someone_ about it, I was going to lose my mind.

So, leaning back and staring up at the ceiling, I released a long breath. "It's this thing with Logan."

"Yeah?"

I gnawed the inside of my cheek. Where to start? It had been three weeks since Logan had left California, and tomorrow I was heading up to Seattle, and while I was excited as hell to see him, I was nervous too. "I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Of course you don't." She said it like it was the most obvious thing anyone had ever said. "You haven't been seeing him all that long."

"True. But I've never even _had_ a boyfriend before. This is… okay, at the risk of sounding like a drama queen, this shit freaks me out."

Kelly nodded, patting my arm. "I know it does. For what it's worth, new relationships freak everyone out, no matter how much experience they have. Hell, I think I freak out about them more now than I did when I was younger."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. Because now I know how capable I am of screwing them up, and how easily nice guys can turn out to be… well, David."

I frowned. Her ex-husband was a piece of work, and I'd been thrilled the day she'd finally kicked his ass to the curb where he belonged. Everyone who'd known the couple in their early days insisted he really had been an awesome guy in the beginning. I'd only ever known him as David the D-bag who needed his ass kicked.

I couldn't see Logan doing a one-eighty like that, though. Maybe that meant I had blinders on. I had no idea. All I knew was that him suddenly turning into a jackass was pretty low on my list or reasons to be scared shitless about dating him.

I was more worried _I_ would do something stupid. Or that some aspect of my lifestyle-probably the aspect involving lenses, flashes, and compromised personal space-would scare him off. All that public attention had almost driven me out of Hollywood a few times, and acting had been my _dream_ career. Logan wasn't getting anything out of this deal except me, and we both knew he hated the prospect of being in a fishbowl.

Maybe I was just worrying over nothing, but damn it, all this relationship stuff was completely foreign territory for me. It scared the hell out of me. In fact, though I couldn't wait to see him tomorrow, I was still nervous. Really nervous. More than I'd been the first time I'd gone to Seattle or when he'd come to see me after that article had broken.

I rubbed a hand over my face and sighed. "I'm probably overthinking all of this. I'm just worried, you know? Plus, I feel like this is already my second chance with Logan. The stars had to align pretty damn hard for us to meet again after I was too stupid to ask him out five years ago. So… I'm just…"

"You're scared that if you do one wrong thing, you won't get a chance to fix it."

I nodded.

She grimaced. "Walking on eggshells like that must be miserable."

"It is." I paused, then quickly added, "Not miserable like I want to stop seeing him. I just need my brain to calm the hell down." My shoulders sagged. "And goddammit, it would be so much easier if we didn't have the damn press lurking around. Logan tries to say it's not stressing him out, but I know it is. It's stressing _me_ out."

"Of course it is."

I ran a hand through my hair. "Can't the assholes give me some breathing room so I can figure out how to even _be_ in a relationship? I just want to enjoy being with him, not constantly looking over my shoulder because I'm terrified someone will find out."

"It'll be a cold day in hell before the paparazzi gives anyone breathing room." She muttered. Gentler, she asked, "Have you talked to him about it?"

Well, that wasn't a simple answer. I couldn't say we _hadn't_ talked about it, but could I really say we had?

In the three weeks since he'd gone back to Seattle, we'd talked almost constantly, even staying up long past when we both should have gone to sleep. We were like a couple of teenagers, stealing every possible chance to connect, even if it was just so we could watch a TV show together from a thousand miles away.

He'd tell me about crazy things that happened at work, like the kid who'd super-glued his fingers together or the guy who'd been certain that his nosebleed was a brain hemorrhage. I'd tell him about the latest script my agent had me reading or the asshole actor who I was _praying_ didn't get cast in the next movie with me.

And the damn media kept coming up. Every conversation about seeing each other at least brushed against the subject, and every single time, I could _feel_ his apprehension through the phone. Or see it if we were Facetiming.

"I don't know what to do. I can't just make them go away, you know? But it bothers the hell out of Logan. He said…" I winced. "He said it's like being back in the closet. And he's right." I blew out a breath and raked a hand through my hair. "It's exhausting."

"Well, maybe you guys need to come out."

My head snapped up and I stared at her in disbelief. "What?"

"Why not?" She shrugged.

"Uh, because then they'll be all over us? Even more than they already are?"

Kelly shook her head. "Listen." She twisted a bit so we were facing each other, her jean-clad knee almost brushing mine. "The press already has the bug in its ear that the two of you have a thing. Believe me, they haven't forgotten about those pictures from Seattle."

I flinched. I'd suspected as much. Even if things had been pretty quiet for a while now, and even if I'd been too much of a coward to look, that didn't mean reporters had dropped the scent.

Kelly went on. "They're already waiting to pounce so they can be the first to tell the world you and Logan are a couple. The more you guys try to hide it, the juicier it's going to be when someone finally gets proof. And the more stressful it'll be on the two of you."

Swallowing, I avoided her gaze. She...had a point.

"One way or the other," She continued. "You guys are going to get some attention. You're too high-profile to avoid it forever. There will be a feeding frenzy no matter what once you come out as a couple, but at least if you and Logan come out on your own terms, you have _some_ control over things."

Nodding, I whispered, "Yeah...you're right." I sat up, pushing my shoulders back, and inhaled slowly. "I'm heading up to see him tomorrow. I'll, um… I'll talk to him."

"Good." She studied me for a moment, the intensity of her stare almost making me draw back. Then, speaking softly, she asked, "How serious are things with him?"

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. "I don't know, honestly. Like I said, I've never done this before."

"Okay, but are you guys just…" She hesitated. "I mean, you've been distracted as hell ever since you went to Seattle to see him." Her voice was even softer as she asked, "You're really into him, aren't you?"

Without looking at her, I nodded. "Yeah. I am."

"Then I hope it works out. Whether you guys decide to go public or not." She gave my knee a gentle squeeze. "You deserve to be as happy as Logan seems to make you."

I tried to smile, but my stomach was still doing somersaults. Logan _did_ make me happy, and I really wanted this things between us to work.

I just couldn't shake this bone-deep fear that it wouldn't.

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like things went well with the Mitchells! It also seems that Jagan have to finally decide whether to go public or not.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter will be up soon! And by soon, I mean sometime this week, this weekend at the latest. :P**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Hello again everyone! This is the first of I think three post happening this weekend. :D**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Guest, Side1ways, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

James would be here in less than twenty-four hours, and I didn't like the twitchy feeling that had been needling me for the last few days.

It didn't help that we weren't spending the evening 'together' like we often did. He was tied up with some work-related stuff tonight. Filming for his next movie was coming up fast, and he'd spent the entire day darting from meetings with his assistant, agent, and God knew who else.

He'd apologized profusely for it, but I'd assured him I could last a few hours on my own. I'd see him tomorrow, after all, and he didn't need to know I was a damn basket case tonight.

I was fine with us spending an evening apart, but I did need some company. An hour after I'd walked Lola, I was getting stir crazy, so I called Kendall to see if he was free. I sweetened the deal by offering beer and takeout, and in minutes, he was on his way.

When he arrived, I pulled a couple of beers from the fridge, and we settled in the living room.

Kendall dropped onto my couch and draped his arm across the back of it. "So, what shenanigans have you been up to at Ye Olde Clinic?"

"Just the usual shit." I said as I sat beside him. "Everyone's coming in for their shots before school starts, and I get daily lectures on the evils of Obamacare from people who aren't even on the AHA."

He chuckled. "Same shit, different day?"

It took some work, but I laughed. "Yeah, pretty much."

My friend's brow furrowed. "Okay, level with me, Loges. What's going on? You've been a wreck lately, and that's when I actually _see_ you, which I almost _never_ do anymore." He shot me a pointed look when I opened my mouth to spout out a defense. "Out with it, dude."

I exhaled, sinking back against the couch. "I know. And it's not getting any better." After he'd taken one of the beers, I worked at the label on the other with my thumbnail. "In fact, it's getting worse, and I don't know what to do about it."

Kendall straightened. "What's going on?"

"Well…" I kept working at the label as I tried to sort out my thoughts. "This stays between us, right?"

"Of course." He squeezed my forearm. "You know I'm a steel trap when it comes to your gossip."

I tried to laugh, but it took too much work. Finally, I met his gaze. "Okay, so do you remember that article that came out a while back? The one where they tried to say James and I are dating?"

"Do I remember?" Kendall snorted. "Dude, I almost had a heart attack when I saw it."

"Yeah. Well." I drummed my fingers on my beer bottle. "It's, uh… it's true."

Kendall froze. "Come again?"

"It's true." I swallowed. "James and I are-"

"Are you serious?!" He damn near shouted, before clapping his hand over his mouth. He stared at me with wide eyes, and his hand muffled the "You're seriously dating him?"

I laughed self-consciously. "Yeah. I am."

Lowering his hand, he eyed me. "Wait… so why did you tell me you weren't?"

My face burned. "I'm sorry. I kind of panicked when it came out. We were trying to keep a lid on things, and…" I exhaled. "I'm sorry."

"Okay, I understand that. I don't think I'd want my business out there, either."

I laughed bitterly. "You have _no_ idea."

"Well, your secret's safe with me. Now…" He grabbed my arm. "Tell. Me. _Everything_."

"What do you want to know?" I shot him a playful glare. "And no, you're not getting bedroom details."

Kendall huffed, but then grinned. "So you admit you've been in the bedroom with him?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, Kendall. I'm dating the hottest man on the planet, but it hasn't even crossed my mind to have sex with him."

"Hey, you never know." He put his hands up in a defensive gesture. "Maybe you guys are taking it slow like you did with Isaac and Jason."

"That was a little different. Isaac's asexual. Jason's demisexual. James is...neither." Wasn't that the truth? He may be been inexperienced, but he was definitely into sex. Though I supposed he could be demisexual. We hadn't started getting physical until after we'd established a connection, so maybe? Well, either way, we were definitely getting physical now. "Anyway, I always go slow."

"Bull _shit_ you do." Kendall rolled his eyes. "Come on. I've known you forever, and when you're dating a guy who _isn't_ asexual or demisexual, you don't exactly let the grass grow, know what I mean?"

"What the hell? I always wait a few dates before I sleep with a guy."

Kendall's eyebrow arched. "Mm-hmm. Aside from Alex, right?"

"Alex and I had been emailing and talking for months."

"And Carlos?"

"We'd known each other for like three years."

Kendall rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine. But don't change the subject. Are you and James…?" He waggled his eyebrows.

The heat in my face was probably already giving me away. "Just don't tell anyone, okay? About any of this?"

"Of course." He sobered and patted my arm. "You know I'd never share your business."

"I know. And I didn't mean to imply that you would. We just have to be so guarded and careful about keeping this quiet, and…" I closed my eyes, pressing my head back against the cushion. "Man, it's exhausting."

Kendall didn't speak for a moment. When I opened my eyes, he was watching me like he was trying to read something in my expression, and it was all I could do not to squirm under his scrutiny. Finally, he said, "Okay, let's back up a step." He touched my knee and looked me right in the eye. "Pretend the press doesn't exist and nobody gives a shit who he's dating or what he's wearing or whatever."

"Um, okay." I said dubiously.

"Right, so none of that bullshit. How is dating him otherwise?"

"It's…" My heart went crazy, and I couldn't help smiling. "God, he's amazing."

"Yeah? Tell me."

"He's just… I mean, we're still kind of in that honeymoon phase where everything seems perfect and he still seems flawless to me. I get that. And I know we'll eventually find things that annoy us or whatever."

"Mm-hmm." Kendall nodded. "Go on."

"I swear, though, he's perfect for _me_. My parents adore him. My dog adores him. _I_ adore the hell out of him." I sighed, practically swooning just think about him. "He's so sweet."

Kendall's eyes widened slightly. "Wow. I've never heard you talk about a guy like this. Not even that asshat you almost married."

I grimaced at the memory. "Don't remind me."

"Right. So." Kendall patted my leg. "You've got a good thing going with him, yeah?"

"A really good thing."

"Except for the press."

I deflated. "Except for the press. And I mean, it shouldn't be a deal-breaker. I don't _want_ it to be a deal-breaker. But the secrecy… hell, I fly into San Diego so we can hopefully avoid photographers. We have to be really careful when we go out. _If_ we got out. I even had to swear my own parents to secrecy and hide James' car. His plain, cheap, urban camouflage car, in their garage." I leaned forward, elbows on my knees as I raked my hands through my hair.

"It's exhausting, and it really is like being back in the closet." I sighed and started kneading my neck. "I'm the one who freaks out about the press, and that's why we've kept a lid on things, but it's just…"

"It's tiring." Kendall's voice was full of sympathy. "I know."

I nodded slowly, and it was a struggle to speak above more than whisper. "I feel like if we didn't have the press following him around, and if we could just be open and normal without people losing their shit, we could really make this work."

"Do you think you can make it work even with all that craziness?"

I gnawed my lip and stared at the floor as I kept rubbing my stiff neck. "I want to say yes. I just...I don't know. Neither of us needs all that, but he's a package deal. Dating him either means doing it on the sly, or coming out and letting the whole damn world have an opinion about it. I can either stay a totally private person, or I can date James. I can't have both. And I mean, just hearing his speech almost gave me a stroke, and he didn't even mention my name." I dropped my hands between my knees and turned to Kendall. "What do I do?"

"I don't know, dude." Kendall gave my shoulder a squeeze, and he kept his hand there. "As much as you hate being in the spotlight, he must be something else if you're sticking around."

"He is." I whispered, and I couldn't help smiling despite my knotted stomach. "He's amazing. And you should see him with Lola."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah." I was grinning like an idiot now. "He loves her. When he came to see me, he even suggested we take her with us when we went out."

Kendall whistled. "Damn. He definitely knows the way to your heart, doesn't he?"

"Right?" I laughed. "He didn't even mind when she joined us in bed that first morning."

He glanced at Lola, who was snoozing by the fireplace, then eyed me. "How big is your damn bed if it fits the two of you and that beast you call a dog?"

"Well, to be fair, he and I weren't, uh, taking up much space."

"Oh Lord." Kendall groaned as he closed his eyes and sighed wistfully. "The man is a snuggler, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he is."

"So, he's gorgeous. He's James fucking Diamond. He loves your dog. _And_ he's a snuggler." Kendall clicked his tongue and shook his head at me. "You better put a ring on that."

I barked out a laugh, showing my palms. "Hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. We just started dating a few weeks ago and-"

"Don't care." Kendall shook his head emphatically. "He is perfection with a six-pack. I don't give a damn if he steals the covers or leaves his underwear on the floor. Which, side note, if he does that, kindly grab a pair for me because-"

I smacked his leg playfully. "Really?"

"What?" Kendall laughed. "Anyway, he's obviously perfect for you. If you don't want to put a ring on that man yet, fine, but don't do something stupid and let him go."

My humor faded, and I stared down at the carpet again. "I don't want to let him go. Believe me, I'm hoping and praying this keeps going. I'm just…" I swallowed. "He's famous. He's got people following him around with cameras, talking about him, speculating about his private life. I don't know if I can handle… fuck, _any_ of that. Like, that article? I wasn't kissing James. I was literally just telling him there was a place across the street we could check out for lunch."

My gut churned. "How will I ever be able to relax with him in public when I'm worried some asshole with a camera is going to take our picture and then make up a bunch of bullshit about what we're doing?"

Kendall pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Maybe you guys just need to stop giving a shit what people say. I mean, I know it sucks having your privacy violated like that, but most people take tabloid shit with a grain of salt, you know?"

"That's true, I guess."

"Anyone who _really_ knows you isn't going to believe whatever salacious nonsense they make up about you." Kendall said. "And anyone who doesn't know you, who cares what they believe?"

"True. Well, he'll be here tomorrow night." I steeled myself and met my friend's gaze. "I'll talk to him."

"Good." He shot me a stern look. "And don't you dare hold out on me, Loges. If you're dating a guy that hot, I expect to be introduced."

I laughed. "Okay, okay. I'll introduce you guys. Just...maybe not this trip."

"Okay." He pointed a finger at me. "But I'm going to hold you to that."

"You'll meet him. I promise."

 _Assuming James and I find some way to deal with all the attention._

* * *

"Oh my god." I flopped onto Logan's bed beside him. "I needed that."

He moaned something that sounded like "Me too."

We lay there in silence for a moment, catching our breath and letting the dust settle. My body tingled all over, aching and twinging in places from two rounds of acrobatic sex we'd had in the hour since I'd arrived. How had I spent so much of my life without this?

It didn't matter. I had it now, and it was amazing, and I doubted it would have been this amazing with anyone else.

Logan groaned as he pushed himself onto his elbow. "Let me get rid of the condom and get cleaned up." He murmured, pausing to kiss my cheek. "Be right back."

"'Kay."

One more kiss, and then he rolled to his feet and disappeared into the bathroom.

It took me a minute to remember how my legs were supposed to move, but I finally managed to get on my feet too. Clumsily, I cleaned myself up, then dropped back onto the mattress. He joined me a moment later, and we came together in the middle like a couple of magnets. I swore once we were in bed together, we gravitated toward each other every single time, and I loved it.

I wasn't so sure how I felt about his silence, though.

Sex had kept us occupied ever since I'd gotten here, but now that we were supposed to be relaxing, something was off.

The fact that we were still touching and cuddling was reassuring, but it wasn't enough to keep me from noticing the uneasiness between us.

I pulled back just enough that we could look at each other without going cross-eyed. "Hey. You okay?"

The way his eyes darted away from mine sent a chill through me.

"Logan?" I touched his face. "Everything all right?"

He swallowed. "I, um…"

The chill got even colder.

After a moment, he cleared his throat. "So, I saw you in an article earlier today."

"Oh yeah?" It wasn't unusual for my name to show up like that-hell it was a daily thing lately-but the apprehension in his eyes made my gut clench. "What did they say?"

"It was mostly about the movie you're starting next month." He avoided my gaze. "But they also mentioned me. Again."

I swallowed. "Did they?"

Logan nodded and his eyed flicked up to meet mine. "Yeah. They, um, it was just a sidebar. A picture of us with an offhand comment about how we'd been seen together and that neither of us had said anything beyond your publicist's statement."

"Same shit, different day, then."

"Yeah." He drew me into his arms, and as I rested my head on his chest, he went on. "I've seen a few comments like that. Not full articles, but… it's on their mind. And it bugs me whenever they mention I'm a nurse living in Everett. I mean, it wouldn't take much to figure out exactly where I work, you know?"

I grimaced and nodded. "Yeah. I know."

He sighed, his body tense all over even as he held me close. We lay in uneasy silence for a moment, and I could feel his heart thumping as hard as mine was.

We needed to talk about this. Really lay it out on the table, look it in the eye, and figure out where to go from here.

Kelly was right. The press wasn't going to back off as long as they thought they had a chance to be the first to break the story. My life wasn't that fucking interesting, but they sure as hell thought it was.

I gently freed myself from Logan's embrace and turned onto my elbow so I could see him. "I know it's stressful. Believe me, I know. But maybe we need to beat them at their own game."

Logan's brow furrowed. "How so?"

"Maybe...maybe we need to go public."

His eyes widened.

I rested a hand on his chest, and carefully told him everything Kelly had told me.

When I was done, he said, "So, if we do decide to come out…" He chewed his lip. "How do we do it? Just make a post about it or something?"

"We could. Or we could be a bit less subtle about it."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean actually go out in public as a couple. Right in front of cameras and everything." I paused. "In fact, I've got a charity event coming up. It'll have the red carpet and the whole nine yards." I searched his eyes and whispered, "You could come with me as my date."

Logan paled. "That, uh…" He gulped, and I swore I could hear the gears turning in his head and see the film reels showing him a horror-movie version of what I was suggesting.

I touched his hand. "Those events… they're honestly not as bad as they sound. The walk on the red carpet only takes a couple of minutes, and once that's over, it's food, booze, and stupid long speeches."

He exhaled slowly. "And you'd really want to take me to something like that? Out in public with-"

"Logan." I smiled and smoothed his hair. "Are you kidding? I want to take you to everything."

"You sure you don't want to start small?" He smirked. "Make sure I can be trusted to behave in public?"

"Please." I rolled my eyes. "If _I_ can behave, so can you."

He barked out a laugh, but he sobered pretty fast. "So, you're serious? You want to do this?"

"Yeah, I do. And, um… I have to warn you, it might get a little crazy at first. Everyone's going to speculate about everything, and they'll probably hound us both for a while. But once somebody has a baby or a nasty divorce or something, everyone will lose interest in us." I ran my thumb along the edge of his jaw. "We'll just have to ride it out until then."

Logan gulped. "But you still think it's a good idea?"

I nodded. "The tabloids are already sniffing around. Right now, they have control of the story. By coming out, we're doing this on our own terms and giving them a hell of a lot less incentive to try to out us."

He seemed to mull it over for a moment. "Okay. Yeah. That makes sense. I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't make me nervous, going out in public like that."

"I know. Me too. But at least this way we can stop worrying about someone finding out."

"That would be nice." He said softly. "What about your family, though?"

I tensed. "What about them?"

"Well, I mean… they're bound to hear about it if it goes public."

"So?" I shrugged tightly. "I don't have any contact with them anymore, and they already know I'm out. Finding out I have a boyfriend won't exactly be a huge revelation." My own words echoed in my head, and I cringed. "I mean, if 'boyfriend' is the word we'd use. I...I have no idea how…" I cleared my throat. " _Is_ that the word we'd use?"

Logan's expression softened and he cupped my cheek. "Oh yeah. I think that's definitely the word we should use. It's what I've been using."

I relaxed a bit, releasing a breath. "Oh. Okay. I mean, I guess we _have_ been using it, but I just didn't want to be presumptuous and-"

His gentle kiss shut me up, and after a couple of seconds of his warm lips against mine, my apprehension melted away. I wasn't usually such a rambling idiot around him, but when I got nervous, I couldn't help it. I wanted to get this right. Maybe I'd watched a few too many romantic comedies, but I was sure at every turn that I'd say something stupid and send him out the door.

But then he'd kiss me, and suddenly everything would be okay. Nothing had to be perfect-even though it pretty much was-and he could read between my nervous lines and hear what I was trying to say even if I botched the delivery.

Drawing back a little, Logan whispered, "You're not being presumptuous."

"Okay. Okay, good. Anyway, I'm not worried about what my family thinks. There's a reason I'm not in contact with them anymore." I held his gaze and ran my thumb along his cheek. "If they find out, they find out. I just think going public would kill the excitement for the paparazzi. We'll never completely escape cameras and speculation, but they'll at least lose _some_ interest."

Logan chewed the inside of his cheek, eyes unfocused for a few long seconds. The gears and film reels were definitely turning in his head again. I got it. He was such a private person, and I knew all too well how much it sucked to transition to life in the public eye. Finally, though, he nodded, and a little smile played at his lips. "Okay. Let's do this."

My heart skipped. "Really?"

"Yeah. Really. I'll follow your lead since you know how to handle these assholes better than I do."

 _I wouldn't go that far, but okay._ "Do you want to do this at the charity gala? Or just... go out? Like a normal couple?"

"The gala, I think. Might as well blow the closet doors off, right?"

"True. Get out in front of as many cameras as we can and be done with it."

He shivered, and then another furrow appeared between his eyebrows. "What's the dress code for stuff like that, anyway?"

"This one is black tie."

Logan grimaced. "I don't exactly have a tux lying around."

"No, but they can be rented. And I know a guy in LA who rents the really nice ones, not the cheap ones you'd wear to prom. Swing into a suit shop and get your measurements, send them to me, and I'll make sure he's got something ready for you."

"How much does that run?"

"Don't worry about it. I can-"

"James." He took my hand and kissed my palm. "I don't want you paying for everything. I'm not rolling in money, but I can pay my way."

"Still. Events like this can be expensive as hell. And we're going so we can come out as a couple because my career means everyone is watching us."

"Would you still want to take me even if that wasn't an issue?"

"What? Of course I would." I closed my hand around his. "If we didn't have to worry about coming out, it would be a no-brainer for me to take you to _every_ event." I paused. "I _want_ to take you to every event. Just, you know, without overwhelming you."

Logan smiled. "And I want to go with you. I can pay for my own tux. I promise."

"Okay. At least the limo's paid for."

"Limo?" The smile turned into a grin. "Cool."

"Yeah, I won't lie, the novelty of showing up to these things in stretch limos has not worn off."

"Good, then I won't feel like such a dork."

"Eh, we'll be dorks together."

His grin got even bigger. "Now I'm really looking forward to it."

"Me too." I laughed. "These events are actually pretty fun, too. The food is good, and hopefully no one's speech will bore us all into comas." Sobering a bit, I added, "And it'll probably be more fun to go to one after, since we won't be stressing about this anymore."

Logan's grin vanished, and he nodded. "Which I will be this time."

"Me too. Definitely." I leaned in, our lips almost touching. "It might get bumpy once word gets out. Everyone's going to want a story." I exhaled. "I don't think there's any avoiding that part. But we'll get through it. I promise."

"I know." Logan kissed me softly. "I could think of worse things for the world to know about than me dating you."

I laughed and pulled him closer. "Ditto."

He kissed me again, and neither of us said anything more. Holding him tight, I let cool relief was over me right alongside warm arousal. This wasn't over yet-wouldn't be until we'd come out and the resulting drama had died down-but I felt better. Those nerves that had been chasing me around lately were backing off, and I finally felt like we weren't on quite such a precarious edge anymore.

Which was a damned good thing.

Because when I wasn't so afraid of us falling off a cliff, I could focus a lot more on how quickly and eagerly I was falling for him.

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like Jagan is getting ready to make their first public appearance!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter should be up sometime this week, so you hopefully won't have too long of a wait for that.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Another new chapter is here!**

 **Before we move forward, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, Side1ways, and Guest for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" James put his hand on my knee in the back of the stretch limo. "There's still time to back out."

Backing out sounded good. Like, _really_ good. Forget we'd ever had that conversation, go back to keeping our fingers crossed that no one found out about us, and never bring up the idea of coming out again.

Once we made this move, there was no putting the cat back in the bag. Or back in the closet. Whatever. After this, I would be on a lot more radars than I was comfortable thinking about.

James squeezed my leg, and I realized I still hadn't answered him. Clearing my throat, I faced him. God, he looked good. His brow was pinched with worry, but his face was as handsome as ever. His hair was carefully styled, and the black tuxedo and flawless bowtie didn't hurt either.

What was I so nervous about? The world finding out that this sweet, gorgeous man was my boyfriend? That wasn't exactly something to be embarrassed over.

I smiled and covered James' hand with mine. "Yeah. I'm sure."

The concern in his expression faded, though it didn't disappear. "It doesn't have to be tonight if you're not ready."

"I know. But…" I took a deep breath. "The sooner we put it out there, the sooner we can stop sweating over keeping it a secret."

James nodded. "Yeah. Plus, for all we know, everyone will find something else to focus on in a week." The furrows between his eyebrows came back. "But it could also be a big thing. The public is weird, and you just never know what will hold their attention."

I exhaled slowly, willing some of my nerves to settle down. "I guess we'll see, won't we?"

"We will." He took my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "But we'll be okay no matter what happens. I'm not going anywhere, and nothing changes between us."

I managed a smile. "I know. That's the one thing I'm not worried about."

His brow pinched. "Just say the word if you change your mind. Even if it's at the last second. No one will see you until you're out of the car."

I was shaking my head before he'd even finished. "No. I want to do this. No more hiding."

He studied me uneasily, but his features began to relax into a smile. He glanced up ahead. "We're only a few cars back, so it's almost our turn."

Oh God. No, I wasn't backing out of this for anything, but nervous? Christ, yes. Especially when the car rolled forward a few feet, drawing us closer to the thick crowd surrounding what I assumed was the end of the red carpet. Even in the daylight and through the heavily tinted windows, I could see camera flashes from here.

 _I've got this._ We've _got this._

James and I busied ourselves straightening bowties and fussing with cufflinks. We turned off our phones since the organizers frowned on phones going off during the event itself, and we were both anticipating some calls and messages tonight.

Then the car stopped again, and James patted my leg. "We're next."

I closed my eyes and exhaled. Okay. Okay. We could do this. I could do this. I didn't have to say anything. All I had to do was stay by James' side, smile, follow his lead, smile some more, and make it down the red carpet. Easy. Sort of.

The car rolled forward.

Then it stopped.

There was movement outside, and then someone opened the door, letting in a rush of SoCal heat. James put on one of those smiles I'd seen in a million photos, and stepped out of the limo. Immediately, people started calling his name and shouting questions at him. He paused, probably letting them get a few photos, then turned to me and extended his hand.

Second thoughts froze me in place. Once I got out of the car, there'd be no turning back. The whole world would know.

 _They'll know you're dating James fucking Diamond, idiot. Get your ass out of this car._

I took a deep breath, put my hand in his, and stepped out into the blinding sunlight.

The ripple of voices told me we had absolutely _not_ gone unnoticed. Of course everyone had already been focused on him. Now they were focused on us.

Cameras.

Faces.

So many cameras and faces.

People called out both of our names, and flashes went off, and suddenly I was centerstage in that middle school play, my mouth parched and my lines forgotten. Panic shot through me. _What do I do? Where do I go? What the hell was I thinking? Why is everyone looking at-?_

James laced our fingers together and, barely moving his mouth, whispered, "You're doing great."

I nodded, but I didn't dare speak because there was a small chance I might puke. I just kept a startled smile in place and stayed beside James.

We slowly made our way along the carpet, cameras snapping and flashing the entire way. Toward the middle, James stopped, so I did too. We were facing all those reporters now. Staring right into the giant eyes of way, way too many cameras.

I sensed James looking at me, and I turned to him.

And everything…

Just…

Stilled.

There was flickering and shouting at the edge of my senses, but right here, it was just us. Just him. Those warm hazel eyes fixed on me. The smile I'd fallen for five long years ago. The perfectly styled hair I would absolutely be messing up later.

Where there'd been nerves before, there was suddenly pride. I was standing in front of all these people and all these cameras with the most amazing man I'd ever met. We were out. We weren't hiding anymore.

 _We're together,_ we were saying to anyone who cared to listen.

And right there in front of everyone, James leaned in and kissed me. Shutters snapped all around us, and I almost wanted to turn to some of the photographers and ask them to send me a copy. A shot of me and James in tuxes, sharing a kiss on the red carpet? Yeah, that was one for the fridge door.

We let it linger for a moment-not long enough to be obnoxious, but maybe a few extra seconds for the reporters-before we continued down the carpet.

When we reached the end and were out of sight, we both exhaled hard. He put his arm around my shoulders, I put mine around his waist, and we paused for a moment to just collect ourselves.

"Well." He grinned at me. "I think we made our point."

I nodded, but still didn't speak. Yeah, we'd made our point. The world hadn't ended. The sky hadn't fallen. It was a lot like the first time I'd come out as gay-everything around me was simultaneously identical to how it had been before I'd said "I'm gay", but it was also different.

Like there'd been an earthquake and everything had moved, but not enough to be really noticeable unless I squinted, and I was still jittery with adrenaline as if I thought the whole building was still going to come down or a big aftershock was coming.

"Hey." James caressed my cheek. "You okay?"

Moistening my lips, I nodded again. "Yeah. Just feels… big, I guess."

"Yeah, it does." He was smiling, though, and he drew me in closer. "We did it. People know. Now we don't have to hide anymore."

Gazing into his eyes, I realized he was right. Our earthquake had toppled buildings, but it hadn't brought them down on top of us. It had crumbled all the walls that had been keeping us hidden and suffocated, and now we were outside in the sunshine. Now we could breathe.

"You're right. We don't." I cupped his face in both hands and pressed a long kiss to his lips.

And for the first time, I didn't have to care if anyone saw us.

In fact, I hoped they did.

* * *

My tux guy would be horrified if he knew our tuxes didn't end up on hangers when we got back to my place. If he saw those finely tailored jackets and slacks rumpled on my bedroom floor, he'd probably have heart failure. And the spit-shined shoes littering the hallway before vests, bowties, and shirts had starting falling to the carpet too? Yeah, he wouldn't be happy.

But that was why the iron was invented. All the wrinkles would come out later. For now, those fancy clothes would just have to stay where they'd landed while I fell into bed with Logan.

As his hips sank between my parted thighs, all I could think was _yes, everything is perfect._ Dizzy, out of breath, and overwhelmed, I wrapped my arms around him and let myself get lost in his kiss and his body heat.

The novelty of having a naked man against me-especially _this_ man-hadn't even begun to wear off. I couldn't get over the softness of his skin and the firmness of his muscles. I loved how it felt to run my hands over his chest and the way he groaned when I squeezed his ass. Everything was mind-blowing, from his warm breath on my neck to his hard dick against mine.

And now that people knew, a huge weight had fallen away.

I hadn't even realized just how much I'd been worrying or how much that worry followed us into the bed until it was gone. All the tension that had been plaguing us had vanished. There was no more secrecy. No more looking over our shoulders. No more worrying that someone might catch on. Now I really understood what Logan had meant about feeling like we were back in the closet. Coming out as a couple had been almost as liberating as coming out as gay in the first place.

Sighing with happy relief, I combed my fingers through his hair and lost myself in his kiss and this freedom. I hadn't expected to get such a thrill out of coming out with Logan, but there it was. Every time I'd looked at him tonight, my pulse had shot up and I'd grinned because this man was mine and everyone knew it.

Let them take pictures of us. Let them speculate about us. At the end of the day, he and I knew what was real and what wasn't, and at the end of the night, I was wrapped up in his arms, and I couldn't think of anything else that mattered.

"You were amazing tonight." I whispered between kisses.

He hummed, then dipped his head to kiss my cheek. "All I had to do was stand there and look pretty."

"Mm-hmm. And you did a damn good job of it."

A warm breath of laughter rushed across my throat. "You were right, though." His lips skated up toward my jaw. "Coming out… not having to worry anymore…"

I bit my lip, arching under him. "Liberating, isn't it?"

"So much." He nipped at my jaw before coming up and kissing my mouth, but only for a second before he whispered, "Tonight...anything you want. Tell me how you want to come."

A full body shiver made my breath catch. _Keep talking like that and you won't have to do anything else to make me come._

"Tell me." He said as his lips grazed mine. "I want to make you scream."

"Mmm." I dragged my nails up his back. "Why don't…" Fuck, I couldn't even breathe, never mind talk. "Why don't I get on top?" I swallowed. "So I can ride you?"

The groan that escaped his throat told me he was definitely onboard. "I'll get a condom."

In a matter of seconds, we'd changed position. I straddled his thighs and watched him rolling on the condom, my whole body thrumming with anticipation and need. We'd already fucked once today, but it felt like I hadn't had him in ages.

Logan slicked up the condom, then slid his hand between my legs. I leaned down for a kiss, and I damn near collapsed over him when his fingertip pressed against my ass. I didn't need much prep, but I let him finger me for a while anyway just because I loved it.

I loved kissing him while he gently opened me up. I loved how he held onto the back of my neck, and how his fingers twitched as we both started breathing faster and my hips started moving of their own volition. Turned on as I was, I was actually shocked when he broke the kiss and breathlessly begged, "Get on my cock."

I wasn't on it already?

Oh. Right. Just his fingers right now.

Which meant… oh yes. This could get even better.

He slid his fingers free, and I sat up over him. He held his breath and steadied himself, and with his other hand on my hip, he guided me down. The head pressed in. I was tempted to come down hard and take him all the way at once. I'd done that with toys a few times, and it could be fun, but a few times I hadn't been as ready as I thought, and… well, that could ruin an evening. Slow and steady was fine and good if it meant taking him comfortably.

"Oh yeah." He murmured as he sank deeper inside me. He squeezed his eyes shut and squirmed under me. "Fuck…"

I licked my lips. He was so hot, laid out under me and wearing every sensation on his sleeve as we slowly fucked. No wonder he always wanted the lights on when we had sex. We would have missed so much in the dark.

When I finally had every inch of him buried in me, I paused just to enjoy the feeling. No, the novelty of this-of everything we did in the bedroom-had definitely not worn off yet. I still couldn't get over how sexy it was to be naked with him. How good he felt when he fucked me, and how perfectly our bodies fit together. Waiting so long to lose my virginity had been so frustrating at times, but every time I was with him, I was absolutely sure sex like this was worth the wait.

Logan gazed up at me as he slid his hands up my thighs. "Have I mentioned lately that you're fucking hot?"

"Hmm, I think you have." I grinned and started moving again. "And likewise, by the way."

He grinned, kneading my quads. "And so… _tight_." He groaned. His back arched, rolling his hips just right to change the angle of his cock, and I gasped. He moved his hips again, this time chasing me up and pushing himself back into me. "C'mon, baby. Faster."

Faster? Oh, hell yeah.

I planted my hands beside his shoulders and moved faster. It was a lot more awkward than I'd expected. I hadn't thought that sex required this much coordination, but in this position, it did. Moving my hips, holding myself up, not coming apart at the seams…

I faltered a bit, then paused, laughing nervously. "Damn it. Sorry. I… keep losing my rhythm."

"It's okay." He ran his hands up my arms and looked in my eyes. "Just takes practice."

"Practice? Are you volunteering to let me practice on you?"

The devilish grin made my spine tingle. "As often as you want to."

"Good." I started rocking again, trying like hell to keep my rhythm this time. "I'll probably need it."

"Mmm. You won't hear me complaining."

He wouldn't hear me complaining either. Even if I was a little clumsy in this position, he felt amazing. Not just his cock sliding in and out, but his hands on me and his skin touching mine. I just loved being close to him. Maybe it was because I'd been so starved for a man's touch, or maybe it really was this good, but the end result was I wanted to dive in and absolutely drown in him and his warmth and his hunger.

Logan dragged his hands down my sides. "Do you have any idea how hot that was tonight? Having everyone look at us and know we're together?"

I grinned even as I tried to catch my breath. "Oh yeah I do. I was there, remember?"

"I definitely remember." His palms slid back up. "They all got to look at you, but I get to touch you."

"Mmm." I groaned. "You can do way more than touch me, baby."

His fingers curved around the back of my neck, and he drew me down to kiss him.

Now that I was leaning over him, riding him was a lot tougher, but Logan didn't have the same problem. He thrust up into me, driving himself deep, and I just shakily held myself up on top of him and let myself be fucked and kissed.

The need for air forced me to break the kiss, but I didn't sit up. I let my head fall beside his, and we both kept thrusting and panting. I didn't know or care if we had an actual rhythm, or if we were just rutting and trying to get his dick as deep as I could take him. It didn't matter that every motion made my whole body want to fall apart, and if the catches of his breath were anything to go by, he was getting ready to lose it too.

"Oh fuck…" His whisper was ragged and shaky. "I'm…"

"Me too."

A low, throaty growl rumbled in my ear, and his nails dug into my back, and I let go of any semblance of control I possessed. Come shot between us. I couldn't remember how to move anymore, but Logan took over anyway-he grabbed my hips and kept fucking me from below, slamming into me like a piston until he shuddered violently, pulled me down onto him, and came with a helpless moan.

I sagged over him, breathing hard. He wrapped his arms around me, though the movements were sluggish and heavy, and we just lay like that for a moment. Even after I lifted up enough to let him slide out, we didn't move. Not yet.

I sighed happily. "I've been looking forward to that all night."

Logan laughed, sounding a little drunk. "Yeah. Me too. Might...might have enough left for some more before we go to sleep, too."

"Mmm, you're gonna kill me, you know."

"But what a way to go."

We both laughed, and he wasn't the only one who sounded drunk now. We weren't drunk-we'd each had maybe two glasses of wine tonight-but I kind of felt like I was. I felt high. Giddy. A little dizzy. Like everything was perfect, and even as wrung out as I was after my orgasm, I felt like I could take on the world.

I pushed myself up on shaky arms and gazed at him, drinking in the sight of his flushed, sweaty face and disheveled hair. "Want to grab a shower?"

"You make it sound like I'd ever say no to anything that involves us being naked."

I snorted. "And here I thought it was just me."

"Nope. Definitely not."

I leaned down for a kiss, and then carefully rolled off him and onto my feet. Neither of us were walking very steadily on the way to the bathroom, but we made it, and we made it through a shower by leaning on each other. Good excuse as any to spend the entire time pressed up against him, I decided. As if we needed an excuse.

After we'd showered, we sank into the rumpled bed with my head on his chest, and we lay in comfortable silence for a little while. Logan stroked my hair so gently and steadily, he was liable to put me to sleep. As relaxed as I was, it was a wonder I hadn't drifted off anyway.

This was the most relaxed I'd been since the first time.

Not because I'd been nervous about sex, but because of all the tension hanging over us thanks to secrecy. But that was gone. We were out, our relationship was public, and now we could completely relax in private.

 _You were right, Kelly._

And I wasn't going to hear the end of it, either.

"I feel a lot better." I said. "After tonight."

"Me too. It was nerve racking, but I'm glad we did it."

I nodded as silence set in again, but not for long. Logan's fingers paused in my hair, and he whispered, "Would you think less of me if I said I was scared shitless when we got out of the car?"

"No, because I was too." I lifted my head to meet his gaze. "I know that kind of thing scares you, but you did great. And you looked amazing."

Logan smiled. "I can't imagine anyone looking at me when you were right there."

"Don't see yourself short, babe. I'm serious. You looked awesome." I moved in closer for a light kiss. "You still do, but I mean, you're naked, so…"

He laughed, and the last remnants of tension in his muscles eased. "So I guess next time I see you, we don't have to hold up at home and hide."

Grinning, I nodded. "Exactly." My grin fell, though. "Unfortunately, our visits are going to get a little scarce for a while. The new film starts shooting soon. I got the schedule yesterday, and it's going to be brutal for a while."

He nodded, though he couldn't quite hide the disappointed slump of his shoulders. "How long will you be shooting?"

"This one's only about two months. And we're mostly filming here in town, so at least I can come home from time to time." I ran my palm up the middle of his chest. "But you probably won't hear much from me while I'm shooting. If I'm not on set or getting pulled into an interview, I'm sleeping. Just don't think I'm ignoring you."

Logan smiled, closing his hand around mine and holding it to his chest. "Got it. I might send you a text now and then, but I understand if you can't respond." He kissed my fingers. "I'll be here when you're done."

I returned the smile and squeezed his hand. "That definitely gives me something to look forward to."

"You don't enjoy shooting?"

"Oh, I do. I love what I do. But it's tiring. And…" I dropped my gaze as heat rushed into my face. "And it gets kind of lonely, you know?" _Especially now that I have someone I wish I could come home to._

"Well, hit me up as soon as you're done, as we'll make up for lost time."

"Deal." I paused. "It's still kind of brutal after the shoots are over, too. There's reshoots and all that, and then the publicity tour." I chanced a smile. "Of course, you can come with me to premieres and stuff now."

Logan's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Well, yeah. I've never had a plus one for something like that."

"Oh. It sounds like fun. Another excuse to come to LA."

"Or New York, Or London. I've done some in Tokyo, Hong Kong, Paris, and… hell, I can't even remember all the cities."

"Ooh, I would love to see New York or London."

"You've never been?"

"Never."

I grinned. "Then we'll have to change that. Once I get my schedule, I'll let you know, and we'll do this. If you have the time off, I mean."

Logan trailed his thumb along the edge of my jaw. "I'm pretty sure I can work something out."

"Good. I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too."

The conversation fell into a lull. Not an uncomfortable silence, though. Just the two of us laying together, cuddling close without needed to talk about anything.

Out of nowhere, Logan chuckled.

I eyed him. "What?"

"Just thinking." A grin spread across his lips as he caressed my cheek. "Guess I really did turn out to be your number one fan."

I laughed. "Yeah. I guess you did."

So he had. In the moment back at the diner, I'd just wanted to come up with something to write beside my autograph, and that was what had come to mind. It seemed kind of corny at the time, but now, maybe there was more truth in that than I'd realized. Just like there'd been more truth in Logan's words than _he'd_ realized.

 _It could be you._

 _To my future number one fan._

 _And look at us now._

Without a word, I kissed him, and we didn't talk again that night for a long, long time.

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like the cat is out of the bag regarding Jagan!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! The next chapter you'll get to see what's next for Jagan! That will more than likely be up sometime this weekend.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hello again everyone! A new chapter is here! :D**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Side1ways, Guest, winterschild11, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

As he always did, James got up early and slipped away to work out. For his sake, I hoped it wasn't leg day. If he was half as achy as I was, he'd be miserable.

The thought made me grin. I'd been so nervous about last night, I hadn't even thought about whether we'd fool around after we got home. I should've known we would, though. James in a tux? Hell yeah. James in a tux with a bed, condoms, and lube nearby? _Fuck_ yeah.

And now everyone knew about us. We were out. The pressure was off. People would have opinions, but at least there wouldn't be any novelty in outing us, so maybe the paparazzi would find a different hobby.

The bedroom door opened, and… God, was there anything this man wore that didn't look hot as hell? Because it seriously wasn't fair that he could rock a ratty, sweat-soaked gray T-shirt and threadbare sweats. Not fair at all.

"Morning." I said.

"Morning." He leaned down to press a quick kiss to my lips. "Don't get up. I'm just going to grab a shower, and then I'll join you."

"Sounds good to me."

We exchanged grins before he stepped into the bathroom. As the shower came on, I rolled over to get my phone off the nightstand. Except it wasn't on the nightstand. Crap, where had I left that thing?

Oh. Right. My pants. Which were somewhere in the house, probably still in a rumpled heap on the floor.

I got up, my legs protesting even more now that I was asking them to move and bear weight. They held me up, though, and I went in search of my clothes.

I didn't have to look far, fortunately. James must have collected our clothes when he'd gotten up. Mine were on top of my suitcase with my dress shoes arranged neatly beside it, and in the pocket, right where I'd left it, was my phone.

I retrieved it, turned it on, and slipped back into bed while I waited for the phone to wake up.

When it did…

 _Oh Christ._

I stared slack-jawed at the screen.

I'd expected a barrage of texts and calls from people who knew me. I'd definitely expected some sort of article somewhere. Photos of us. Speculation about how long we'd been dating, how serious it was, and if some guy James had once been seen with had an opinion about us.

What I _didn't_ expect was the sheer volume of people descending on my social media accounts. I had dozens of friend requests on Facebook. Tons of new followers on Twitter and Instagram.

And the comments.

Holy shit.

 _The comments._

My Instagram and Twitter notifications were in the triple digits. Photos I'd posted weeks ago had new comments. I had direct messages on Twitter. Instant messages on Facebook. Fucking _emails_.

I scrolled through Twitter first.

 _Hahaha James probably knows he looks 10x hotter next to that dude!_

 _LOL he's gotta have dirt of Diamond. Only possible explanation._

 _WTF with all the other dudes in Hollywood?_

 _Beauty and the whatever the fuck you call him_

And that wasn't even including all of the homophobic slurs peppering half the messages. Those were hard to take even when I'd figured they were coming. The mental beating from those, and then more comments about me… holy shit. My stomach felt sick with every insult. I wanted to throw up from sheer humiliation, and the hits just kept on coming.

"What the hell?" I whispered. My hands shook and my heart was racing so fast I thought it might explode. I'd figured the media would have something to say about us coming out, but I hadn't anticipated _so many people_ would give a shit about it.

Enough of one to take the time to contact me and tell me how horrible it was that James was slumming it, not only with a guy, but with me. I hadn't anticipated people being angry, disgusted, and even cruelly amused because I clearly wasn't good enough for James.

My stomach curdled as I kept scrolling. It was an electronic train wreck. I couldn't look away.

And the messages didn't stop.

 _Enough. Jesus._

I went into my Twitter settings and locked down my DMs. Not just to prevent non-followers from messaging me, but _anyone_. Then I went to Facebook and turned my profile as private as I could. I was just finishing that when James came out of the bathroom.

"What's wrong?" He hurried to the bed and sat beside me. "What happened?"

"The, um…" I cleared my throat, but I couldn't look at him. "People definitely noticed us."

"I figured they would." His tone was guarded and soft at the same time as he asked, "What are they saying?"

Without a word, I handed him my phone. He frowned at the screen as a drop of water ran from his hair down the side of his face. He didn't seem to notice. He scrolled. And scrolled. And scrolled.

Finally, he shook his head, sending another drop flying. "They're trolls. They don't know you, and they clearly haven't fucking _looked_ at you if they think you're unattractive."

"Call them what you want." I said flatly. "But I didn't think they'd…" I sighed and lay back against the pillows. "When we came out, I figured people would have opinions about...hell, I don't even know."

That much was true. I'd imagined there would be gossip, but hadn't thought about exactly what people would say. A famous guy had a boyfriend. Even in this day and age, that had seemed scandalous enough to spin up the tabloids.

But it hadn't occurred to me what they'd say about _me_. About how much better James deserved, and how I was clearly just there to make him look extra hot by comparison. I'd never been vain, but this… God, it was humiliating. I'd been so worried about being in the spotlight, and hadn't thought about how much worse it would be when everyone who could see me was pointing and laughing.

James eased himself down onto his side. He took my hand and looked in my eyes. "I know it's overwhelming. Believe me, I get it. But this is just everyone reacting to something new and juicy. It _will_ die down. I promise."

"When?" God, I sounded so pathetic and desperate.

"I don't know." He whispered, rubbing my thumb with his. "But it always gets better. And this kind of thing always feels a lot bigger than it actually is. The trolls are the loudest, so it makes is seem like that's how the whole world feels. It isn't, though. They're just a really obnoxious minority, and they'll eventually get bored and find another thing to obsess over."

I shuddered. The attention of thousands had been terrifying, but something I could face. Being the butt of _thousands_ of jokes? Cruel ones? Oh my god. This was the grossest feeling in the world.

"I just wanted to be public so people would stop digging. I didn't think we'd be a punchline." Looking into his eyes, I shakily added, "I didn't think _I'd_ be a punchline."

James grimaced and leaned in to wrap his arms around me. "I'm so sorry. I didn't think it would play out like this either." He stroked my hair as I draped an arm over him. "It'll get better, though. I promise."

I exhaled, but didn't speak.

"People are cruel and ballsy when they can hide behind computer screens and fake names." He kissed my temple. "I know how you feel. They've said all kinds of shit about me too."

"Yeah. I know."

He sighed, holding me tighter. "I wish I could do something to shut them all up."

"Me too."

But there was nothing he could do. There was nothing I could do.

The truth was out, and there was no shutting off this burning, blinding spotlight.

 _How the hell do I live with this?_

XxX

James had insisted this would get better, but… when?

Walking through SeaTac Airport, my skin crawled with paranoia. Every time I saw a phone, I was terrified someone was videoing me or taking my picture. It was entirely possible no one noticed me at all or had any idea who I was, but after twenty-four hours of being called, messaged, emailed, and tweeted, not to mention written about in violating detail in every major tabloid, I made no apologies for worrying that strangers would notice me. Especially since they fucking did seem to notice me.

God, this was hell. I'd expected media attention, but I hadn't understood the enormity of it. It wasn't possible to understand until it was experienced. And now there was no getting away from it. I wanted to go home and never go outside again.

I wanted to delete all of my social media accounts and toss my phone into a lake or something for good measure, but then I wouldn't be able to reach people I actually wanted to talk to.

Being out was supposed to be a relief, for God's sake. No more secrecy, hooray!

Of course I'd known it didn't quite work like that. I'd come out in high school, and it hadn't been all sunshine and rainbows. For all my dad supported me now, he hadn't been so great about it at first, and our relationship had been a bit strained until I was in college.

Now he wore _I'm Proud of My Gay Son_ shirts to Pride. But still, he hadn't taken it well back then. My coming out had caused a rift between my parents. I'd lost friends over it. I'd had to quit doing things I loved because of the harassment.

But times were different now, weren't they? Well, they were supposed to be, anyway. And besides, everyone had already known James was gay. We'd been coming out as a couple, not saying "We're gay!" but "We're together!"

I rubbed my eyes and sighed. Going to that gala had been a mistake. We should have kept this quiet. The secrecy was exhausting and stressful, but I'd have sold my soul to go back to that if it meant stopping the onslaught of commentary from complete strangers. If it meant I could unsee all those nasty tweets and messages.

If it meant those tweets and messages stopped coming.

But they didn't.

Not today.

Not the next day.

Not the day after that.

Every time I looked at social media, there was more. I was gold-digging. James was slumming. I was boring, too dull, too normal, too unattractive. He was settling, compromising, selling himself short. I must have a huge dick or some other secret 'talent' to make up for my ugly-ass face.

For days, it continued. A week. Then two. It didn't stop. It didn't even slow down. I couldn't go anywhere-not even to work-without a camera lens pointed my way, and I couldn't open my email or Twitter or Facebook without getting pinged by a stranger who thought I should rot in hell.

James started filming while the shit was still flying, which meant I barely got to talk to him. And I _needed_ to talk to him, but he was working long hours and usually collapsed was soon as he was done on set. I couldn't blame him. Or I tried not to.

Some irrational side of me wanted to be pissed that he was leaving me to the wolves, even though I knew that wasn't at all what he was doing.

And hell, from as stressed as he sounded whenever we _did_ talk, I wasn't the paparazzi and media's only target. Though the commentary was mostly speculation about what in the world he must have seen in me, he had a lot of photographers and reporters on his tail.

They followed him everywhere, some even making it dangerously close to his secluded house (though he was apparently pretty good at driving up and down the canyon endlessly until they got bored and left.)

He kept trying to reassure me they'd lose interest, but so far, no one had. Some of the paparazzi may have lost interest, but his rabid fans and haters? Not so much. The people in the comments sections online? Not even a little.

Most of the reporters physically followed James, not me, but there were plenty up here in Everett too. Once a couple of them had figured out how to find me, they were suddenly everywhere, and the constant feeling that I was being followed-not always unwarranted, I should add-was beyond unnerving.

On my way to work one morning, utterly drained from the constant stress of being watched and commented on, I almost got into three separate fender benders because I was too busy watching for cameras.

By the time I made it into the clinic, I was a shaky mess. And of course a patient snapped a picture of me as I walked across the waiting room. To her credit, she was discreet about it, but still.

I met Stephanie's eyes, and she gave me a reassuring nod before I continued toward my office. She'd take care of it.

Ever since the news had broken, the clinic staff had been instructed to remind patients that this was private property, and that employee privacy needed to be respected as much as patient privacy.

People were warned against revealing anything that might tip off the press-or the assholes-about where I worked. My name had even been taken off the clinic's website and the placard outside the door, just to be safe.

I appreciate everyone's efforts, but I resented the necessity. I had a high-profile boyfriend. So the fuck what? Were people really so desperate for a distraction from all the other shit going in the world that they needed to fixate on James and me?

Apparently so.

Fuck. And with James so busy, I barely even got to talk to him and I definitely wasn't able to see him. That would have sucked on its own, but he'd warned me about his limited time when he was filming, and I'd been fine with it.

I just hadn't expected to have to deal with his absence and this storm of attention at the same time. Fending off paparazzi and being the butt of cruel jokes because I was dating a guy I now spoke to so rarely it almost didn't even feel like we were dating anymore? This was some bullshit.

I shut the office door behind me. I wouldn't be able to stay in here long-I had patients coming in soon-but I savored the relative isolation. The reprieve from prying eyes and cameras. Privacy had never been such a hot commodity for me, but now I grabbed every moment of it I could get and milked it for all it was worth.

 _This has to stop. How do we make it stop? What the fuck do we do?_

I dropped into my desk chair and rubbed my eyes. I tried to convince myself that James was right and people really would lose interest. It wasn't like we'd done anything scandalous. Being gay in this day and age wasn't that shocking.

Oh, but apparently it was a scandal to be gay _and_ dating a man who was-depending on how you looked at it-miles out of your league or miles below you. We hadn't predicted that part. I sure as shit hadn't predicted how much it would wear me down. Hell, _break_ me down. It was like all the bullying from middle school, and all those judgemental eyes on me as I floundered up on the stage, cranked up to an eleven and multiplied by thousands and lit up by a million spotlights.

And there was no temporary escape when the bell rang. I'd seen cameras on my street. Outside the clinic. Sticking out of car windows while I walked across the parking lot. Where else were they? And if the photographers found me, who else could? These assholes who kept messaging me?

What if some creepy obsessed fan of James' decided to mess with me? Break into my house? Slash my tires? What if they showed up at my house? Or came into the clinic? Or what if they went to the doggy daycare and...I don't know, stole Lola or something?

My heart stopped. Panic suddenly surged through me. The same panic that had come the day she'd slipped past me and run out into the road, and for a few terrifying seconds, I'd been absolutely sure she was about to be hit by a car right in front of me and there was nothing I could do.

The daycare facility had a 24/7 webcam so people could check in on their dogs. I didn't usually get on it because then I'd never anything done, but today I logged on.

I scrolled through the different screens, searching for my dog.

She wasn't by the kennels.

She wasn't hanging out under the maple tree.

She wasn't inside eating.

She wasn't running around with that poodle that always took her toys.

Each time I passed a screen without seeing her, panic gnawed harder at my gut. No one would mess with my dog, would they? But where the hell was she? Why wasn't she playing with-

There.

I sagged back in my chair as I caught sight of her in the grass. She was flaked out on her side in a sunbeam, partly hidden by Chester, the Saint Bernard she liked to wrestle with. Safe and sound, Lola pawed lazily at a dog that was about a quarter her size and apparently wanted the toy she had in her mouth.

I should have laughed at my own stupidity. Who in their right mind would have any reason whatsoever to do something to my dog just because I was publicly dating James?

Then again, who in their right mind would lurk in cars and bushes to get a picture of some dude who dared have a boyfriend?

My stomach roiled. Maybe it wasn't so irrational to be worried about my dog's safety as well as my own. And what about James'?

Fuck. _Fuck_ , this was not what I signed up for. Of course I'd expected a certain amount of attention once James and I came out, but not this. Not this constant feeling of stage fright. Of being under an unwelcome spotlight. Of having literally thousands of people pointing at me and laughing as if this was some horrible joke from a 1990s teen movie. Where the hot kid went out with the dork, and my entire life had become the moment when the dork realized it was all a joke.

I hadn't expected to feel unsafe. I hadn't expected paranoia, never mind _justified_ paranoia.

Maybe this would have been easier back in the time when I'd come out originally. There might have been less acceptance of us being gay, but there wouldn't have been social media. We could have ignored the tabloids, and the only people making comments we could actually hear wouldn't have computer screens to hide behind.

But this was the twenty-first century, and everyone had an opinion on everything. Like it or not, the objects of those opinions weren't escaping them. The world had spoken, and the world thought James could do better.

I leaned back in my desk chair and sighed. Coming out as James' boyfriend may as well have landed me in a living, breathing version of the comments section. No turning away. No blocking or ignoring. Just uncencored, unbridled vitriol from people who thought two men shouldn't be together or that James deserved better than me.

And all while I wasn't even talking to him much outside of a few sporadic texts when he had a little downtime.

Sighing again, I scrubbed a hand over my face.

I wanted to go back to the way things had been before the gala, but we couldn't. No matter how hard we tried, there was no putting this back in the bag.

And, seemingly alone in this, I had no idea what to do now.

* * *

 **Done! So...yeah, it looks like things are going a bit downhill at the moment.**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! We'll check in with James next chapter, which will probably be up Sunday.**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Hello everyone! I'm back with another new chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Guest, Side1ways, and winterschild11, and RainbowDiamnds for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 _Son of a bitch. Another one?_

On my way out to my car after another long day on set, I ducked my head to at least try to hide my face from the two lenses that tracked me across the parking lot. Where the hell had those two come from?

Not that it mattered. It seemed like they were everywhere lately. I swore these fucking paparazzi had put trackers in my car. No matter where I went today, they were there.

A lens jutting out of a window while I pumped gas. A whole group of photographers loitering beside the stairs outside my agent's office when I'd left after a meeting yesterday. A car with tinted windows that I was pretty sure followed me for a few miles before I finally gave him the slip on the freeway.

Nobody else caught up with me on the way out to Topanga. None that I saw, anyway. I focused on the road and tried not to glance in the rearview every two seconds, all the while ignoring how bad my skin was crawling.

It wasn't unusual for a photographer to pop up in a random place. They were all over LA, and lived and breathed chance encounters with celebrities. They'd hover near places where we showed up frequently and hope for the best. Now that I was filming the new movie _and_ there was some juicy gossip floating around about me, though, they were actively trying to find me.

And the bastards were succeeding.

 _Just please tell me you assholes are leaving Logan alone._

Except I knew they weren't. It was just as well he lived in Washington. Intrusive cameras existed everywhere, but they were way more concentrated here. Kind of like how mosquitoes are pretty much everywhere, but if you get close enough to some stagnant water, there's _clouds_ of them.

Thank God Logan lived far away from the worst of it, and that my house wasn't right on top of that pond of stagnant water. As I pulled into my garage, I released a sigh of relief. Finally, I had some privacy. Or at least a convincing illusion of privacy.

I went in the house, dropped onto my couch, and scrubbed a hand over my face. After four eighteen-hour days in a row, I was drained, but it had less to do with filming and more to do with worrying myself sick.

What other rumors were popping up? How much more were people bothering Logan? We'd only been able to text occasionally-I'd been too dead on my feet to call the last couple of days-and his frustration and exhaustion had been palpable in every message. From his comments, as well as Kelly's, it seemed clear that the press and the public were still having a field day with Logan and me.

Christ. I rubbed my tired eyes. Two people in a relationship should _not_ have created this much buzz. Why did everyone care so much? I got that the tabloids just wanted to get the scoop before anyone else did, and obviously there were enough gossip readers to keep the tabloids alive, but Jesus fuck. We were just a couple of guys trying to date like anybody else.

And I felt terrible for how badly it was affecting Logan.

All day we'd been texting about it-as much as I could, anyway, which wasn't a lot-and he'd been hanging by a thread since lunch. Especially after he'd had a momentary freak-out about someone possibly following him to the place he kept Lola during the day, and I hated myself for not being able to say _I promise no one will ever be creepy or horrible enough to mess with your dog._

My chest hurt. I'd brought all of this into his world. Why did people have to be such fucking garbage?

The worst part was that it was completely consuming what few conversations we did have. I barely got to talk to him at all, and I missed him like crazy, and even more, I missed talking about things besides the media frenzy.

He didn't talk about his parents or coworkers or even Lola. I didn't talk about filming. Everything I loved about our relationship had suddenly taken a backseat to everyone else talking about us. We had to do something about that.

I checked the time.

He'd be home from work by now, and done walking Lola if he hadn't taken her to the park. I doubted he'd gone to the park, he was probably desperate to go home, batten down the hatches, and hide himself and his dog from the world. I couldn't say I blamed him.

For once, though, I was home early enough and was awake enough that I could actually call him. So with my heart in my throat, I speed-dialed him.

"Hey." One word had never contained so much exhaustion and frustration. He didn't sound all that happy to hear from me, either.

"Hey." I said uselessly.

"They finally let you go for a night?" He sounded like he was trying to make light conversation but had to really work at it.

"Yeah. Sorry I haven't been able to call."

No answer.

I swallowed and ran a hand through my hair. "How are you holding up?"

"Honestly?"

My throat tightened. "Yeah."

Logan sighed. "I'm not. I… this is so much more than…"

"I know. I didn't think it would get this bad." My shoulders sagged under the weight of everything. "I figured they'd go nuts over it, but…"

"But not like this?"

"Yeah." _I am so sorry, Logan._ "I don't know why they do this. I really don't."

"I don't either. But they do. And I swear it's getting worse. Like, it was one thing when they were just talking about us." His voice shook badly. "But now they've figured out where I live and where I work. I mean, there were two photographers outside the clinic when I left work today. So far no one's followed me inside the clinic or all the way home, but…" He blew out a breath. "Now I've got reporters calling my cell phone. How did they even get that number? How the hell do I dealwith this?"

"I'm sorry." I said, hating how useless it sounded.

"It would probably be okay if it weren't for all the shit people were saying. If they want to take my picture, it's annoying, but… whatever. But that on top of…"

"I know. And… God, I'm so sorry."

He sighed heavily, and his voice shook when he spoke again. "I thought it would just be people speculating about us. Taking some pictures, making up some gossip. But it's like every time I turn around, they're there. Between that and the messages I keep getting from people… James, I… Do you know how humiliating it is to have literally _thousands_ of people talking about all the reasons I'm not good enough for you? All over the internet for two solid weeks?"

I forced back a sudden rush of bile. "Logan, they have no idea what they're talking about. Of course you're good enough for me."

He laughed bitterly. "Not according to-"

"Fuck them." I said through clenched teeth. "For God's sake, it's _me_. I'm still that kid who fucked up your order at the diner a million years ago. A few movie contracts and paychecks haven't changed who I am, and who I am is still the kid who thinks _you're_ out of _my_ league." A lump replaced the acid in my throat. Now that I'd said it out loud, the emotions were overwhelming.

 _Do you know how afraid I am of you realizing_ you _can do better?_

"I'm not out of your league." He whispered. He went quiet. We both did. I gnawed my thumbnail, trying desperately to both hold onto my composure and figure out what to say. Before I could, though, Logan pushed out another heavy breath, this one full of resignation. "I don't know if I can do this."

My heart dropped. "What do you mean?"

"I mean...this is too much. I knew there'd be media attention, and that was hard to swallow, but I thought I could deal with it. But now… shit, I'm getting hate mail. I'm the butt of jokes all over the goddamned internet. I had to lock down all my social media, and at this rate, I might have to change my email address." He paused. Then, in a voice so unsteady it broke my heart, he whispered, "This wasn't what I signed up for."

"Just give it time." I pleaded. "They'll lose interest. I know it sucks right now, but I promise they-"

"Maybe they will. But maybe they won't."

I swallowed to force back the lump in my throat. "They're trolls, Logan. I know it's horrible, the shit they say, but do you really want-"

"I don't want any of this." He said unsteadily. "I don't want the hate mail. I don't want to wake up every day wondering what's been said about me, what my coworkers and friends are reading, what my _parents_ are seeing. Waking up scared. All I wanted was to be with you. I can't… Fuck, James, I can't pick a leaf of spinach out of my teeth in the privacy of my own home without being terrified it's somehow going to be a meme tomorrow."

"I know." I whispered, voice shaky. "God, I know. And I'm sorry. Just… tell me what to do."

"I don't know if there's anything either of us can do." He said, sounding like every word was excruciating. "All I wanted was to be with you. That's all I want now. But this...I can't handle it, James. And if we split up, everyone's going to pounce on that too, so I think it would be better for both of us if we just get that part over with."

"What?" I was suddenly on my feet. "Logan, no. We can work with-"

"Maybe you can." He said, and I might have thought he sounded calm except there was the faintest tremor at the edges of his words. "I don't even like being the center of attention in a room with ten people. This? I...I just can't. I thought I could, but…" He sighed again. "There's nothing in this world I want more than to be with you. Nothing. And I don't want to hurt you. I swear to God, that's the _last_ thing I want. Being with you is amazing. But everything else is…" His voice cracked as he said, "Everything else is hell."

I winced, squeezing my eyes shut. "Logan…" I had no idea what to say. What could be said? "It won't stay like this. It never does. They'll get tired of it, and-"

"They haven't yet."

"I know. I know." I raked my free hand through my hair again. "But give it another week or two, and they won't give a shit about us anymore." I frantically racked my brain for the right words. "My publicist and assistant said the same thing when I talked to them earlier. They didn't expect this big of a shitstorm, or that people would be such assholes about everything, but whenever something like this blows up, it dies down just as fast. We just have to ride it out."

 _Please._ Please _, Logan. Ride this out with me. We can do this. It's worth it._

"They didn't think it would be this bad." He said. "How can they, or you, be so sure it'll die down?"

"Because it always does. People have tiny attention spans when it comes to things like this, and there's always a bigger scandal right around the corner."

He released a long, ragged breath. For a moment, neither of us said anything. Finally, he spoke. "I've seen how the tabloids talk about shit. Even if this isn't a headline anymore, it'll keep coming up. How many months or years do you think I can handle being a sidebar in every article about you? Where they talk about your new movie or what you're wearing, and oh by the way, have you _seen_ the asshole he's dating for some reason?"

I flinched. "This is why I don't read the tabloids. And you shouldn't either."

"We don't, but people do. And I just can't deal with it. Especially now that we barely have time to talk, and when we do talk, it's about all this other shit." He blew out a breath. "One day everything was great between us. Then we came out, and suddenly there's… nothing except coming out."

"It's just until I'm done filming. We knew this was coming."

"Yeah, but not on top of everything else. With as little as we're seeing each other or even talking, it's only a matter of time before they start speculating that we've broken up anyway. No matter what we do, or what we don't do…" He trailed off, and he was silent for a second before he whispered, "I'm sorry, James. I…" The pause after that was long and heavy, as if he'd stopped himself from saying something important.

"I know this hurts. It's killing me too. But I just...I can't. I'm sorry." There was a note of pleading in his voice that broke my heart more than anything else: _This already hurts like hell. Please just let me go._

So I said the only thing I could think to say. "I'm sorry." As soon as the words were out, I cringed. They sounded worse every time I said them.

"So am I." He said. "I, um. I need to go."

 _No. Please. Don't._

But I wouldn't force him. This conversation was hell for me, and I didn't imagine it was fun for him either.

Somehow I choked out, "Okay. And I mean it. I'm so sorry about all of this."

"I know. I am, too. This… fuck, this isn't what…" He pulled in a deep breath, and I could almost see him setting his shoulders back and steeling himself. "I really need to go. Goodbye, James."

I squeezed my eyes shut. "Goodbye."

And then the call ended.

I sank back into the couch and stared down at my phone. The silence in the room rang in my ears. Tears stung in my eyes.

How had it all gone so wrong so fast?

We'd both braced for a lot of media attention after we went public, but neither of us had bargained for the cruelty being aimed at him. Could I really blame him for not wanting any more of it?

Of course I couldn't blame him, but letting him go still hurt like hell.

So what was I supposed to do now? Call him back and try to undo this? Call Kelly and beg for some kind of insight or just ask her to let me cry on her shoulder? Scream into the void because what the fuck else could I do?

Finally, alone in the silence of my empty house, I covered my eyes with my hand.

And cried.

* * *

I was already crying by the time I put the phone on the coffee table. It wasn't the first time I'd broken down today, but it was the worst. Now it wasn't just the weight of emails and venomous comments and intrusive questions. It was all that plus letting go of James.

I'd tried and tried all day long to come up with a solution, but every time I'd circled back to the same truth I'd had to lay out for him. That we couldn't do this. That _I_ couldn't do this. It didn't matter how much I wanted him or how much walking away hurt both of us. I'd tried ever since the news had broken, but I couldn't fucking cope with people watching my every move, showing up at my job, and publicly speculating about my life, every one of them pounding the point home that I didn't deserve James.

I wiped my eyes and sniffed. _Guess you win, assholes._

Well, the trolls had won. The paparazzi probably didn't want us to split up-they just wanted something to talk about. Some way to cash in on James Diamond having a boyfriend. So in that respect, yeah, maybe they _had_ won. They had plenty to talk about. Hell, now they'd have breakup to talk about.

And I had…

Nothing.

Just a deep, relentless ache that had been stuck there since the morning after the charity gala. I didn't imagine it would get any better. Hadn't expected it to. But was it too much to ask for it to not get _worse_?

For weeks, my life had been full of James. Texting. Emailing. Facetiming. Counting down the minutes until I saw him. Begging time to slow down so a visit wasn't over too soon. And now he was gone, and everything suddenly felt empty. Like the world had been yanked out from under my feet, and now I couldn't figure out how to stand.

I'd almost gotten married once in my life, and after we'd split, I'd basically spent a week shaking my head and wondering what in God's name I'd ever seen in that train wreck of a relationship. Our breakup had been a long time coming, and even though it'd hadn't been fun to call it off, we'd both been relieved to move on. Bullet dodged.

I didn't feel that way about James. I wanted James so bad it hurt. He hadn't been the reason I'd called things off. He was everything I wanted in both a friend and a boyfriend, and he'd wanted to ride things out and weather the storm. Maybe he was strong enough to do that. But I wasn't.

 _Where could we have gone if we didn't have to deal with this bullshit?_

Oh, now wasn't that question some salt that this wound didn't need?

I wiped at my eyes again, my hand shaking badly. Why the fuck did I agree to go to the gala and come out? Was being in the closet again really worse than _this_ shit? Than being in an ugly spotlight and ultimately not having James at all?

Especially since I hadn't split with him because of anything within our relationship. After the gala, things hadn't changed between us, just _around_ us, and in a way that I couldn't fucking handle because I was a weak coward. And then he'd started filming, which meant our relationship existed almost entirely in the comments, articles, and photos I couldn't avoid.

Jingling tags let me know Lola had come into the room. A moment later, she jumped up on the couch beside me, flopped down, and rested her head on my lap. She whined softly.

"Hey, sweetheart." I tousled her ears. She stared up at me, and I had to be imagining how sad her big brown eyes were. "You want to go out for a bit?"

She didn't move. Maybe I should take her to the dog park. Let her run around with the other dogs.

In my mind, I saw James throwing her toy for her in the dog park, and I swore out loud. I was never going to be able to visit that park without thinking of him, was I?

Assuming I could do _anything_ without thinking of him.

Lola nudged me with her nose, still looking up at me as if to ask _"Dad, what's wrong?"_

And if there was anything that could break what was left of me tonight, it was my dog's innocent worry. So I gave up trying to hold myself together, buried my face in Lola's fur, and just cried because I didn't know what else to do.

It shouldn't have hurt like this. We'd only been seeing each other for a few weeks, and we'd only spent maybe ten days of that in the same state. I'd ended years-long relationships without feeling like my insides were being ripped apart like this.

Because the relationship had been fine. Things with James had been great. Hell, they'd been _perfect_. He was everything I could have asked for in a man. It was easy to imagine being in for the long haul with him. It didn't matter that it was way too early to think about things like moving in together or even getting married. We just clicked that well.

It wasn't right for us to be splitting up now, and it tore me apart to let him go, but… what else could I do? I couldn't live like this.

If it had just been the odd camera or the hundreds of articles making it seem like our relationship was somehow newsworthy, I could have gotten used to that. It was weird and intrusive, but I could have adjusted.

But the tweets.

But the emails.

But the direct messages.

But the constant feeling of being laughed at and judged and followed and hated… I couldn't take it. I just couldn't.

I sat up and wiped my eyes with a shaky hand, still keeping the other arm around Lola. I _wanted_ to be with James. I felt things for him I'd never felt for any other man, and if those feelings were this strong already, then God knew what a few months or years could make out of this. And knowing I'd hurt him? That he was probably a wreck like I was? Probably distracted as hell while he was trying to work? Not to mention this was his first ever breakup? Fuck.

There was no getting around it, though. I thought I could deal with the realities of dating someone that famous, but I was wrong, and all I could do now was try to move on with my life. I might even get lucky and get some privacy and normalcy back, but I wasn't holding my breath.

I was, however, suddenly desperate for a taste of my pre-fame life. Sitting up straighter, I sniffed and cleared my throat. "What do you say we go to the dog park, kiddo?" I tousled Lola's ears. "I think you deserve that after this."

She wagged her tail, but didn't go bouncing off to find her leash. She just kept staring at me, ears up and big brown eyes fixed right on me as if to say, _"Are you sure you're okay, Dad?"_

I smiled even as another tear slid free, and I stroked her neck. "Come on." I rose. "Let's go to the park."

Either she was convinced I was all right, or her dog brain had shifted gears, but she jumped off the couch and barreled into the kitchen. I chuckled, following her as I sniffed sharply. Lola grabbed her harness and leash, and she went nuts when I picked up her toys and treats. She yipped and spun around, tail wagging, and I managed to laugh.

"Come on, kiddo. Let's go play."

She was gone like a bullet, heading straight for the front door. Smiling despite my tears, I followed.

When I went back through the living room with Lola's treats and toy in hand, my phone was buzzing on the coffee table. I cringed. Was James calling me back? I wasn't sure I could handle talking to him, but I couldn't ignore him either.

With my heart in my throat, I picked up the phone.

 _Unknown caller._

My stomach lurched. Fuck. Another reporter. I declined the call and turned off my phone. I felt guilty about switching my phone off. If there was an emergency or something, no one would be able to reach me.

 _I just need a break. That's all._

 _Just long enough to walk my dog and catch my breath._

 _That isn't too much to ask, is it?_

I put my phone back on the table and headed for the door. I never left the house without it, but today, I needed to be away from it. Away from the people who might call me, all the assholes who had opinions about me and James, and all the text conversations I could scroll through to torture myself about the man I'd just broken up with.

Still shaky, I clipped the seatbelt to Lola's harness, got in the driver's seat, and backed out of the driveway. She panted happily while I drove, probably unaware that I had no idea where to go.

We couldn't go the the park we'd gone to with James. Lola loved that one, but...not tonight. Right now, I just needed to go play with my dog and try to get my mind off things in a place that didn't have James' memory all over it.

And maybe, if I was lucky, a place that wasn't crawling with reporters.

* * *

 **Done! So yeah, looks like things are over between Jagan. :(**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! The next chapter will probably be up around Wednesday, so not too long of a wait for that!**

 **Until then!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with a new chapter!**

 **Before we get started, I would like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Guest, Side1ways, winterschild11,** **spookje10, and RainbowDiamonds for reviewing last chapter!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

For a city this big, Los Angeles felt way too small. Too little space and too many people. Everywhere I went, the press was breathing down my neck. Even a tourist's camera or phone made me cringe.

They made me think of the relentless paparazzi hounding us to the point Logan couldn't take it anymore, and when it wasn't a tourist with a phone, it really was a paparazzo. And for God's sake, the guy with the phone could easily be one of the assholes who'd commented or contacted Logan directly.

"Fuck." With one hand on top of the steering wheel, I jammed my elbow against the Camry's window and rested my temple against my fist. I had a rare day off from filming, and couldn't even relax because I was hurting too much.

There was no escaping all the reminders of Logan and everything that had sent him running. I couldn't go _anywhere_. The assholes with cameras were even getting aggressive about following me home, though so far no one had actually trespassed.

 _Give them time_ , I thought bitterly as I pulled up to a stoplight down the street from the studio. I'd just come from a meeting about filming, and it was a damn good thing Kelly had been there with me. I was pretty sure I'd only caught about five percent of what was said, and half of that had been about coffee.

As I waited for the light to change, movement caught my eye. I turned my head just in time to see a long lens swing toward me.

"Motherfucker." I muttered, and shielded my face as best I could. Usually I didn't bother. It just made them try harder. But today...fuck it. If they wanted a picture of me, they were going to have to work for it.

 _You scared away the man I love. What more do you people want?_

The light turned green and I accelerated hard through the intersection. Up ahead was the turn that would send me towards home, but I drove right past it. Forget going home. Forget going… hell, anywhere. I didn't care where I was or where I was going as long as I shook off these stupid photographers.

It only took a few blocks and some random turns before I left them at a red light. Even after that, I kept driving aimlessly. It took all the concentration I had to pay attention to traffic signals and other cars. Where was I going? It didn't really matter. It wasn't like I could get away from the assholes who seemed to think my life and I were public fucking property.

I didn't blame Logan for calling things off. I wasn't angry at him. I didn't hate him, even when I really, really wanted to. I hated that the realities of my job had driven him away. My high profile had been a reason I'd shied away from dating in the first place. Did I really want someone gossiping to the tabloids that I was a virgin in my twenties?

And now that I'd finally met someone, my job had kept me too busy to focus on my relationship while the media attention had driven him away. The things they'd said about him while I was MIA… Jesus fuck, who _wouldn't_ want to jump ship?

I didn't regret my job, and I was grateful for everything my career had brought me, but damn if it wasn't a double-edged sword.

Another red light turned green, and I continued driving with no destination in mind. At least, that's what I thought I was doing. My subconscious had other plans, apparently.

I didn't know where I was going until I turned left at a familiar corner. The shops, restaurants, and shoddy apartments along this road hadn't changed much in half a decade. Names and advertisements had changed, but the bodega on the corner still had the same wrought iron bars on the windows, partially obscuring the Camel cigarettes sign. The gas station was a Shell now, but it still had the same rusty propane cage beside the same ice machine. The dry cleaner's sign was gone, the shop empty with a FOR LEASE sign in the half-boarded window, but the shady bar next door was still alive and well.

I passed all the familiar-but-changed landmarks to the place I'd gone more times than I could count in the past.

But when I got there and parked on the street, the diner was gone.

It wasn't just closed. It was _gone_. Demolished without a trace. In the crook of a cracked asphalt L with faded stripes was a dirt crater, and jutting out of that dirt were the pipes, rebar, and broken concrete that were all that remained of the diner.

The little house next door that had once been a bail bondsman's office was gone too. Chain link fence surrounded the two properties, and a sign announced that this was the future home of a Walgreens.

Fresh tears stung my eyes. Five years ago, a part of me had secretly hoped I'd come to work and find a smoldering wreckage where the diner used to be. Anything to get out of having to slog through another miserable shift at that place.

Showing up now and finding that it had been demolished was… shit, it was actually heartbreaking. I'd had no idea what brought me here today, but now I realized it was because I'd needed to reach out and touch something that had existed on the same plane as Logan and me.

But I couldn't touch it. Because it was gone. The place we'd met-the place where he'd unknowingly put my dreams back on the rails-was gone. _Logan_ was gone. I didn't even have any pictures of us except for the ones all over the internet, and I couldn't even look at those without feeling sick over the attention that had driven him away from me.

There was nothing left of anything. A few articles that were invasive enough to make my skin crawl, but would be forgotten in a week or two. Internet trolls who thought it was funny or necessary for them to make their opinions known. People who felt compelled for God knew what reason to fill Logan's email and social media with poison that probably took them two minutes to write and would leave him hurting for a long time to come.

I rubbed me eyes and sniffed. It wasn't fair. Logan was the reason my career had gotten off the ground, and my career was the reason we didn't have each other anymore.

I stared at the crater where the diner had once stood.

What if I had just asked him out that day and blown off my audition? Maybe I wouldn't have my career or my house or that stupid award, but maybe I would still have Logan. Maybe I'd have had the last five years with him, and we'd be living someplace other than Los Angeles, working mundane jobs and playing with our dog and laughing about what was in the tabloids because it didn't affect us.

I loved my career and the life I had, but it all seemed empty now that Logan was gone. Like it was all pointless if it was the very reason I lost him.

 _What do I do now?_

Not stay here and mourn a demolished diner, that was for sure.

I pulled away and drove, thinking for just a minute that I didn't have a destination in mind.

Then I realized I was heading for Orange County.

And I drove faster.

XxX

"James." Joanna opened the storm door and gestured for me to come inside. "This is a surprise." The pinch of her brow and the subtle grimace told me she knew what had happened, so her surprise wasn't just that I'd shown up out of the blue. Oddly enough, there was no _who the hell do you think you are?_ or _why the fuck should I let you in?_ in her voice or expression. Genuine concern was all I could see.

"I'm sorry I didn't call." I said as I stepped past her. "I was driving, and I-"

"It's okay, honey. Do you want some coffee or anything?"

"No. No, thanks." I hugged myself, suddenly not quite sure why I'd come here. If it was just another stop on the Salt My Wounds Tour, or if I thought I'd actually gain something.

Joanna touched my shoulder. "How are you holding up, sweetheart?"

I sighed, almost collapsing under the light weight of her hand. "Not so good."

"I'm sorry." She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around me, and Jesus fucking Christ, I needed that so damn bad. What was with the Mitchell family and knowing exactly what I needed before I did? I hugged her back, fighting a losing battle against more tears. Could I just be done crying for five minutes? Seriously? This wasn't me.

But then, I'd never been through something like this before. Maybe this _was_ me when my whole world felt like it had been upended.

Joanna loosened her embrace. "Why don't you come and sit down?"

Nodding, I sniffed. "Thanks."

In the living room, I tried not to remember how nice it had been to sit in here with Logan's arm around my shoulders. Joanna and I sat on the couch, and she met my eyes. "Logan called last night. He told me what happened."

I struggled to hold her gaze. "How is he doing?"

THe wince said it well enough. "It's hard. He's…" She took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, as if that could somehow soften the blow when she softly said, "He didn't want to. You know that, right?"

Nodding, I swiped at my eyes. "Yeah. I know. I'm not mad at him. I just wish there was a way I could fix this. But I'm gone so much I barely have time to breathe, let alone be his boyfriend, and then there's all this media bullshit, and all I want is-" I glanced down, and froze. "Oh my god. I forgot to take off my shoes." I started to get up. "I'm so sorry. I-"

"James." Joanna tightened her grip on my hand. "Sit."

"But I-"

" _Sit_."

I sat.

She patted my hand and smiled. "I don't care about your shoes, honey. I care about _you_."

Staring at her in disbelief, I whispered, "Really?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

 _Because my own parents wouldn't care?_

I swallowed. "Because I hurt your son."

"No, you didn't. He knew being with someone like you meant being in the spotlight. He even told me that last night because he's beating himself up for not being able to handle it."

"He is?"

"Of course. Honey, listen." She took a deep breath. "Logan doesn't like being the center of attention because he was bullied a lot in school. He was shy for a long time, and he was a bit of a late bloomer. There was this group of kids who were just mean. They picked on him about _everything_. His height. Being skinny. His acne." She sighed, shaking her head.

"It was rough on him. When he came out, it got worse, but college helped a lot. He made some better friends, and most of his classmates were too busy studying to give him grief. So things got better for him because no one was paying attention to him."

My shoulders sagged. "Right up until he came out as my boyfriend."

She pursed her lips. "It's not your fault, sweetheart. And I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad or to hurt you. What I want is for you to understand that this isn't about you. He wants to be with you. I know he does. But everything that's happened… that's hard for him to take after everything he went through as a kid."

Wincing, I broke eye contact.

"Just give him time." She said so softly I could barely hear her. "I...I don't know if he'll change his mind or not, or if he'll decide that he can handle this after all. I honestly don't. But with as heartbroken as he sounded when I talked to him, all I can tell you"-she squeezed my hand-"is don't give up on him."

I released a long breath. "I won't. I haven't. And I can't decide if I want him back, or if I want us to stay apart because being with me means so much stress for him." Just saying the words brought fresh tears to my eyes. "I love him, Joanna." Christ, it hurt to say that out loud. "I love him, and I'd rather not have him at all than have him be miserable because he's with me."

To my surprise, Joanna smiled. She reached up and brushed a hot tear off my cheekbone, then gathered me in her arms again. I wasn't used to being hugged, especially not this much, but it was easy to just sag against her and let her hold me.

"I think you're both miserable when you're not together." She said. "And anyway, this tabloid nonsense isn't going to go away just because you've broken up."

"It'll get worse if we're together."

She gave my back a gentle pat. "Something tells me the tradeoff would be worth it."

Never in my life had I wished so hard for something to be true.

* * *

 _OMG. Have you seen this?_

The text came from my sister. I didn't even have to look at the attached picture because I knew damn well it was the same one half a dozen people had already sent me today. I'd barely been at work for an hour, and everyone was talking about that picture. I assumed so, anyway. People kept asking me about it, and whenever I walked into a room where a conversation was happening, everyone went quiet and stared at me.

Jenny, the nurse who shared the office with me, shut the door behind her and studied me. "Are you doing okay?" Her tone suggested she was pretty sure I wasn't.

"I'm fine." I avoided her gaze, but I could feel her watching me. Sighing, I turned to her again and hoped my expression conveyed _I don't want to talk about it._

She managed to look both concerned and irritated, but thank God, she let it drop.

After she left our office again, I pressed my elbows into the desk and rubbed my eyes. It was kind of ironic how everyone and their fucking mother knew James and I split up, but somehow failed to consider that _maybe_ I didn't need every last one of them sending me the latest gossip.

I didn't care if the tabloids mentioned me. If they did, I sure as shit didn't want to know about it. Even if they didn't, I really, really, _really_ had no desire to torture myself with pictures of the man I already couldn't get out of my head.

As much as I tried to ignore all the media attention, I wasn't completely oblivious to it. People knew we'd split. There'd been speculation about why we'd broken up. No one had caught on to the part where being hounded by the press might have had something to do with it. Or maybe the part where _so fucking many_ people had added their two cents about why James deserved better than me. And here I'd thought high school ended on Graduation Day.

Throughout my shift, people kept… asking, but not asking. Jo beat around the bush a little, hinting that she knew something was going on but didn't want to be the one to bring it up.

My friends kept sending benign texts, as if they thought all they needed to do was keep a conversation going, and eventually I'd break down and say something.

Patients gave me The Look.

The same one people gave when you showed up on crutches or with a conspicuous bandage- _I want to ask, but I won't, but please tell me._

Curiosity was admittedly getting to me. I'd only glanced at the photo earlier to see what it was, but I'd flinched away as soon as I'd realized it was a candid shot of James in his car.

I couldn't. I just couldn't.

Why the hell did people keep sending it to me? Word of our breakup had gotten around as fast as word of our relationship, so why were they all trying to torture me with it? I didn't want to see pictures of James. Not now. Yeah, I wanted him back in my life, but there were things that made that impossible, and seeing him just _hurt_.

Finally, though, I got tired of the looks, the calls, and the messages, and I bit the bullet. I logged onto the computer and opened one of the emails someone had sent me with the same attachment. With no shortage of trepidation, I waited for the attachment to open.

And then it did.

And I couldn't breathe.

It was James in his car. That much I'd expected. Not the Maserati-the one he drove when he didn't want to be seen.

Someone _had_ seen him, though.

It didn't look like James noticed the photographer. He was focusing on the windshield, one hand on the wheel.

With the other hand, he was wiping his eyes. And he looked utterly heartbroken.

 _God, James. I am so sorry._

Because I was fucking masochist, I kept scrolling and read the article.

 _The image comes days after Diamond's publicist released the following statement:_

 _James confirms that he and Logan have ended their relationship. The split was amicable, and James requests that Logan's privacy be respected while they move forward. No further comment will be made regarding this matter._

My breath stopped in my throat. I read and reread the publicist's message, and every time, it was a fresh kick in the gut. I'd been the one to break things off. James was the one who lived in a swamp full of paparazzi. He was the one who'd be hounded by the press even more than I would.

And he'd still asked for _my_ privacy to be respected.

 _You're fucking scum_ , a message had informed me earlier. _James deserves better than a loser like you._

My stomach turned to lead. Maybe the trolls were right after all. Maybe I was a loser. James definitely deserved better than me. Or at the very least, better than what I'd done to him.

I scrolled back up to the picture and stared at it, my throat tight with emotions. This was wrong. All wrong. Not the relentless bullying from strangers, but me looking at a photo of James, both of us hurting like hell.

All because some assholes behind computer screens thought I wasn't good enough for James.

Yeah, this _was_ wrong. I'd let the assholes win. It was no different than when I'd let my middle school tormentors and the homophobic assholes in high school chase me off from doing the things I'd loved. Except it _was_ different. This was way worse. I wasn't just missing out on a team or a club or something. I was missing out on the man I loved.

 _I love you, James_ , I thought as I stared at the photo. _Why did I do this to us?_

 _Why am I not doing something about it?_

My heart sped up. I could do something about it, right? It wasn't like either of us had said anything we couldn't take back. This wasn't a nasty split. He had every right to be angry, and maybe he was, and maybe he wouldn't take me back, but… it was worth a shot, wasn't it?

How ironic that it was the relentless press coverage that had overwhelmed me and-coupled with the nasty emails and threats-had driven me away from James, and now it was a paparazzo's photo that had made me second-guess my decision.

I picked up my phone and went to his contact, but hesitated. Was this really a conversation to have over the phone? And would he ever answer since he was still filming?

Without another thought, I opened a new tab and started looking up airfare.

XxX

Getting a few days off work and getting to LA was reasonably easy.

Finding James? Not so much.

I'd swung by his house, hoping he'd be home, but he wasn't. I'd texted to see if we could talk, but got no response. Quite possibly because I was too much of a coward to come out and say I was in town and wanted to talk in person.

Finally, feeling a little creepy and stalkery, I did a little research on social media. Lo and behold, there were fans talking about where the movie was filming, and luckily, they weren't on one of the studio lots today. I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to get to one of those lots, or at least not close enough to actually talk to him.

Instead, they were filming in an old warehouse out in Pomona. I wondered a few times if my internet intel was accurate and if I should just suck it up and tell James I was in town, but when I rounded the corner and the warehouse came into view? Oh yeah. There was definitely some Hollywood happening here today.

A flock of paparazzi milled around outside the chain link fence. Some looked bored, keeping an eye on the warehouse. Others were pressed up against the fence like kids pressing their nose to a toy store's window.

I parked half a block or so over, swallowed my nerves, and walked toward the fence. I was still a solid hundred feet away when someone saw me. My nerves came crashing back to the surface as soon as the first lens faced me, but I kept walking. Even as more cameras turned, the California sun glinting off wide-eyed lenses, I forced myself to keep going. I hadn't come this far to be scared off by these assholes again.

Some plastic barriers kept the reporters corralled out of the way of the gate, which was guarded by two burly, bored-looking guys with badges. As I approached, one of them put up his hand. "This is a closed set, sir."

"I know." I swallowed. "I just need to get a message to someone."

He shook his head. "No can do. Closed set."

"Look, all I-"

"Move along, sir."

The other security guy glared at me.

Sighing, I stepped back. Shit. How the hell was I supposed to let James know I was here? He probably had his phone off, too.

Except… didn't he say his assistant kept up on his social media when he was working? Especially if he was on set? What if I could get _her_ attention?

I scanned the group of photographers, and my heart sped up.

I had an idea.

* * *

 **Done! So, Logan has an idea! What could it be? :P**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed! I also hope you all had a great Christmas! The next chapter of this will be up within the next few days, this weekend at the latest, so there shouldn't be too long of a wait for that. :)**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Hello everyone! So, this was supposed to be up way before now, but life has been a little hectic lately, but it's finally here!**

 **Before we get started, I'd like to thank everyone that read last chapter! I'd also like to give a huge thank you to Side1ways, RainbowDiamonds, winterschild11, and Guest for reviewing!**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Sam Goode huffed sharply and smacked the armrest of his chair with the wrinkled script. "Come on, James. Get your shit together."

"I will. I am." I put up my hands. "Sorry." I didn't even bother explaining myself. If there was one thing this director didn't give two flying fucks about, it was _why_ an actor wasn't running on all eight cylinders. "I'm good."

"Yeah, right." He muttered.

I gritted my teeth but didn't let my own frustration show. He was right to expect me to be focused. Nobody here cared what was going on in my head, only what was going on in front of the camera.

I took a deep breath, straightened the jacket that was making me sweat like a pig, and went back to the doorway I was supposed to be coming through.

It took two more takes and one more snarled warning from Sam, but I finally got the scene right. While the crew started moving set pieces around and adjusting equipment, Sam dismissed me and the rest of the actors for a break.

As I walked past him, Sam didn't look at me, but I knew he was speaking to me when he said, "Maybe use your break to pull your head out of your ass."

"Will do." I mumbled, and started pulling off the jacket. I wandered over to the catering table to get some water. I scanned the food. Usually this was when my stomach would start growling and I'd wonder if it was possible to die of envy because everything looked amazing and, aside from the vegetable tray, there was nothing I could eat. Not until we'd finished shooting all the scenes that required me to take off my shirt. I couldn't wait. I was miserable enough right now without being so hungry I was seriously eyeballing a post that some termites had apparently found appetizing.

"Um, James?" Kelly appeared next to me and showed me her phone. "You might want to see this."

 _Oh, what fresh hell is-_

The image on the screen immediately made both that train of thought and my heart stop.

It was a selfie of Logan. Behind him, there were cameras and reporters, and behind them, a chain link fence and a gray warehouse.

The caption read, _The inscription is still true_.

I cocked my head. The inscription? Still true? What in the world was-

An image flashed through my mind of what I'd written in his notebook a years ago.

 _To my future number one fan._

And in the back of my mind, his voice echoed: _"Guess I really did turn out to be your number one fan."_

My heart raced. Was he saying he was still my number one fan?

Then I looked closer at the photo and recognized the building in the background. Was he… was he _here_? Was that why he'd been texting me earlier?

My heart beat even faster, and I turned to Kelly. "Uh, do they need me right now?"

"They're calling in the stunt guys, so I don't think they'll need you for a bit."

I was already heading for the door. "I'll have my phone on." I called over my shoulder. "Text me if they start looking for me." Then I broke into a run and bolted from the set.

It didn't take much to find Logan. The paparazzi had been congregating out by the gate for the last two days. Two of my co-stars were the subject of hot gossip right now too-one for cheating on his new wife with his assistant, and the other for rumors she was pregnant again-so the moths had been frantically circling all three flames.

As I crossed the lot, I saw Logan on the other side of the fence. He looked like a deer surrounded by wolves but trying like hell to look brave with the cameras inches from his face, some aimed at him and others at me.

When I got closer, I realized he was sweating. I couldn't tell if it was from the SoCal heat, or if it had to do with the nervousness radiating off him.

Trying my damndest to ignore the cameras, I asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to say I'm sorry." Logan's voice was unsteady, but he didn't stop. "I got overwhelmed, and I freaked out, but losing you…" He shook his head. "I'm so sorry."

I blinked. "But what about all this?" I gestured at the reporters, all of whom were focused on us. Some snapped photos or videoed. Others watched intently, practically drooling as they waited for something juicy. "This won't go away." I glared at some of the paparazzi around us. "Trust me. And I'll still be working stupidly long hours sometimes."

"I know." Logan kept his eyes right on me. "I can live with the long hours, and I don't care about the shit people are saying. Not anymore." This time he stole a couple of glances to the reporters on either side of him, shifting with obvious discomfort, and met my gaze again. "People can say what they want. I was an idiot to let them decide this for us. It's a lot to handle, and I'm still not exactly sure _how_ to handle it"-he glanced around warily-"but I'd rather figure that out than go on without you."

My jaw went slack. The air between us was silent, but the snap-snap-snap of camera shutters poked at my senses. I wanted to swat them away like they were flies. This was a far too intimate moment to spend on opposite sides of a chain link fence while vultures relentlessly picked off the pieces.

I turned to the security guard. "Could you give him a pass?" I asked, feeling stupid for not asking for a pass sooner.

The man rolled his eyes, but he grudgingly gave Logan a pass and opened the gate.

"Come on." I said as Logan stepped through. "Let's go do this someplace private." Neither of us spoke as we headed back toward the warehouse. I had no doubt he was as aware as I was of all the activity behind us. Tweets were probably already happening. Rumors probably already flying.

But I didn't care, and I hoped he didn't either. This was between us and no one else, regardless of what they had to say about it.

The building was crawling with cast and crew, but some rooms off to the side had been designated as makeshift dressing rooms. They were nothing fancy, but at least they offered some semblance of privacy.

As I closed the door behind us, Logan looked around. "You don't get a trailer or something?"

I snorted. "Not when we're only shooting here for three days."

He chuckled, but it didn't last. We faced each other across the small room, the fluorescent light buzzing above our heads. Distantly, I could hear the noise of set activity, but in here, it was just us and that light.

Logan set his shoulders and looked in my eyes. "I meant what I said out there. I'm so sorry."

"I'm not mad." I shook my head. "But maybe you were right, you know?" I gestured in the general direction of the reporters. "They're all putting you through hell."

"I don't care." He must have seen the argument on my face because he put up a hand and shook his head. "I know exactly what I'm getting myself into. I've had a taste of it, and no, I don't like people fixating on me like that, but letting go of you was so much worse than putting up with them." He came closer and reached for me.

For just a second, he hesitated, but finally he cupped my face, the warmth of his fingertips nearly knocking my knees out from under me. "There's nothing they can do or say that's worse than being without you."

I put my hand over his. "Logan…"

He caressed my cheek with his thumb. "I'm sorry I let them get to me like that. I came here instead of calling because I needed you to hear it face-to-face." He swallowed hard. "And so that I could tell you I love you."

My lips parted.

He dropped his gaze and spoke quickly. "I know we haven't been doing this very long, but from the very first time I saw you when you came to Seattle, it felt like I'd known you forever. Everything with you is so different than it's been with anyone else. It's…" He looked in my eyes again. "It's like we're both far from perfect, but we're perfect for each other. Or at least, you're perfect for me. And I think I pretty much fell for you on day one, and just kept right on falling after that."

My.

Heart.

Melted.

I'd been hoping Joanna was right and that with time, Logan might want to try again, but this? Logan pouring his heart out and telling me he felt the same way I did? Holy fuck.

And that made me want to throw my arms around him and never let go, but at the same time, get as far away from him as possible. Hadn't being close to me done enough damage to his world.

Logan tilted his head. He was watching me, the crevices between his eyebrows steadily deepening. Disappointment crept into his expression, and as he started to draw back, I realized how long the silence had lingered between us.

I held his hand tighter, keeping it against my cheek. "I just want you to be happy. I want you back, and I want us to see where this thing can go, but I'm not gonna lie, I'm scared to death of you being miserable because of all this." I paused. "Because of _me_."

"I'm already miserable." He closed some of the remaining space and put his other hand on my waist. "But don't you think we've both let other people's opinions dictate our lives for too long? I mean, you had to leave your own hometown because of what your family thought."

"Yeah, I did, but…" I chewed the inside of my cheek.

"I'm serious. People are going to talk." He laughed dryly. "After everything I said outside, you know they're already talking." The humor faded, and his thumb traced my cheekbone again. "If it means I get to love you, then let them talk."

Yep. Melted. Totally.

I exhaled hard and did exactly what I wanted to do a moment ago. I threw my arms around him and held him tight. He returned the embrace, and for the longest time, neither of us made a sound. We just held on and let the world shift back onto its axis.

Stroking my hair, Logan whispered, "Does this mean you'll take me back?"

I laughed into his neck and pressed a kiss to his skin. As I drew back to meet his eyes, I said, "I think I'd already decided to take you back when I saw that selfie."

He laughed too, sounding as relieved as I felt.

"I love you, Logan."

"I love you, too." We both smiled, and he leaned in close, so close my nerve endings lit up with anticipation of his kiss, and our lips had _just_ brushed when-

My phone screeched to life.

"Shit!" I jerked back from Logan to get it out of my pocket. I had to ignore texts and calls when I was working. But if Sam wanted me on set, that meant _now_.

And sure enough, Kelly had written: _Sam wants you in 15._

"Shit." I pocketed my phone again and met Logan's eyes. "I have to go. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He watched me uncertainly. "Can we, uh, pick this up after…"

"Of course." I slid my hands up his chest and around the back of his neck. "They'll be done with me in a couple of hours. We can meet at… well, at my hotel. I'm staying in the city right now."

Logan nodded. "I can wait for you to get done."

"Are you sure? You might get bored to tears."

"I can keep myself occupied thinking of everything we'll do later tonight."

I shivered so hard I lost my breath, and he laughed wickedly.

"Come on." He nudged me toward the door. "Let's not get you in trouble with your boss."

"Damn it. Okay. But first…" I cupped his face and went in for that kiss.

And, God, yes, everything in my world was right again. His mouth tasted like heaven. Like nothing else mattered-not even the gossip and cameras-because Logan loved me, and I loved him, and he'd come back.

All too soon, we separated. We were both breathless as we grinned at each other. Oh, I couldn't wait for today to be over so I could take him back to my room. I didn't care how tired I was. I would find the energy to have this man.

We shared another kiss, but just a quick one this time. We didn't dare indulge in more. I had to get back to the set before Sam had a conniption. There would be time for this later.

My heart sped up. There _would_ be time. And we _would_ do this. Because Logan was back, and we were okay.

I led him out of the dressing room and toward the set. Kelly looked up from her phone and did a double take, her eyes widening. "Wait, what's-"

"I'll explain later, but could you please show him someplace he can hang out until we're done for the day? I'll owe you big time."

She laughed and gave my arm a little nudge. "No, you won't. Now get over to makeup and get your face touched up." To Logan, she said, "Come on. There's a place you can sit that's out of the way, but you'll still be able to watch what's going on."

"Sounds good." He flashed me a quick smile, then followed her. I watched them go, and something settled in my chest. Logan and I probably weren't completely out of the woods yet. We'd talked, but I needed us to actually be "us" again before I could completely relax. I needed to be sure.

But it was a start.

A damn good one, too.

So for now, I headed over to makeup, all the while grinning like an idiot.

Because Logan had come back.

* * *

I felt like a little kid who couldn't sit still.

Kelly had shown me to a place off to the side where a few chairs had been backed up against a wall, and she'd advised me to stay there and be absolutely quiet.

No problem.

I alternated between messing around on my muted phone and watching while the crew filmed. It was fascinating to watch, especially when James was on set, but I was still twitchy and desperate to get out of here.

I needed to be alone with him. I needed to make sure we really had reconnected. I'd never been particularly insecure in relationships, but we'd been in such a weird place earlier, and even after we'd kissed, everything felt so tenuous. Like if we didn't stay focused on us and make absolutely sure things were good, they'd fall apart the minute our backs were turned. If that made me stupidly insecure, fine. All I cared about was getting somewhere with James and being together. We could talk, we could fuck, we could cuddle up and watch TV. It didn't matter.

 _I just need to be close to you._

Even as I twitched and itched for the shoot to wrap up so we could get the hell out of here, I was also dreading the moment we'd actually leave.

Photos and videos of us outside had already started circulating the internet. From some tweets and Instagram posts, I gathered that more photographers and reporters had shown up. People were speculating left, right, and center about what was going on.

Had we ground production to a halt so we could hash things out? Was James being a diva and demanding that everyone wait for us to settle our personal issues? Were we fighting? Had one or both of us slipped out another door? Had I seriously come crawling back?

I squirmed in my chair. All this speculation and attention made my skin crawl. It was exactly the kind of thing that had scared me into calling things off with James. Now, in the thick of it again and facing the prospect of leaving through that crowd of cameras, I wasn't going to deny that I was having second thoughts. _Could_ I really put up with this? _Was_ it something I could handle?

But when those questions started swarming, all I had to do was look up and find James and… yeah. Yeah, I could do this. If it meant having James in my life, I would happily put up with this much and more.

After a few long hours, the director announced it was a wrap. Instantly the set was alive with activity as the crew shut everything down for the night.

James slipped out for a moment, and when he came back, he changed into some weathered jeans and an old T-shirt. With a smile that was equal parts sweet and nervous, he said, "Ready to go?"

 _Oh God, yes. Oh, fuck...they're out there. Maybe we should wait a-no, let's go. Now._

I swallowed. "Whenever you are."

He nodded, and as we headed for the door, even James seemed to be steeling himself, so at least it wasn't just me.

Just before we stepped out into the cooling evening, he laced our fingers together. I glanced down, then at him. His smile was way more nervous now, but hopefully mine was reassuring, especially as I squeezed his hand.

And then, hands clasped together, we continued out to where the press was still waiting.

At the moment, they were distracted by James' co-star, pointing their lenses right in her face and firing flashes until she had to be blind. Voices barked from pretty much every direction, but they were all one on top of the other, so I couldn't understand anything beyond a few words here and there.

She kept her head down, and the tightness in her shoulders was visible from here. I suppressed a grimace. She was a Hollywood veteran. A child star who'd managed to hold onto her sanity and her career enough to continue for years now, and even she clearly didn't like the barrage of attention after a long day at work.

Before she had even cleared the cluster of paparazzi, one of them saw James, and suddenly all eyes and lenses were on us.

I very nearly balked, but James kept walking, so I stayed with him. The reporters had parted enough to let us walk through single file, and I kept a firm grip on James' hand. Letting him lead, I ducked my head and talked myself through it. In the middle of it, the voices were even more overwhelming and impossible to understand. Some flashes went off so close to my face that I saw spots.

And just like that, we made it out on the other side. I couldn't help sucking in a breath of fresh air.

"Sorry about that." James said. "Occupational hazard." His tone was light but guarded. Like he wanted to make a joke about it but was also worried about drawing my attention to it.

"I know it is. But it's also the price for you not being a miserable waiter anymore, and it's the price for me not being miserable without you."

He turned to me, eyes wide and lips apart.

We both stopped, facing each other, and despite the paparazzi's presence tingling on the back of my neck, I cupped his face in both hands. "I love you, James. Those jackasses aren't going to scare me away from you again."

His stunned expression turned into a smile, and he wrapped his arms around my waist. Eyes flicking from mine to my lips, he whispered, "You know this is going to be all over the internet tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah." I grinned. "Question is, do you want the whole world to see me kissing you in public again?"

He swallowed. "Is that a roundabout way of asking if you should kiss me right now?"

"Maybe."

James returned my grin. Then he leaned in and kissed me. I was distantly aware of voices and snapping cameras, but… I just didn't care. If I'd had any doubts that I could handle the media watching us, they disappeared right then and there. The media attention was stressful, and people would have opinions about it, and I didn't think there would ever come a time when it didn't bother me, but I could handle it if it meant being with him.

He broke away, and his eyes didn't dart for even a second toward the people and cameras. "Think we should go someplace a little less public?"

"Sounds good to me."

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like Jagan are back together!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, as well as if you happened to have a favorite part/moment!**

 **Again, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! The next chapter will more than likely be the last one, and it will be up by this weekend!**

 **I hope you all had a great Christmas/Holiday! I would also like to wish you all a Happy New Year! I'm so thankful for each and every one of you for spending this past year with me! Your support has meant so much and I'm so excited to see what 2019 has in store! :)**

 **Until next time!**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Hello everyone! We've officially made it to the last chapter of this story!**

 **Before we get into the chapter, I would like to thank everyone that read this story! I would also like to give a huge thank you to Side1ways, winterschild11, RainbowDiamonds, and Guest for your support and for reviewing every chapter! :)**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

One click of the deadbolt, and the whole rest of the world was locked outside. No reporters. No cameras. No rumors. Just me, James, and all the pieces of clothing that were landing on the carpet at our feet.

And then...cool sheets under my back. James' warm naked skin against mine as I pulled him down into a hungry kiss. His flawless planes and angles under my palms as I slid my hands all over him like I could memorize his body just by touch.

James dipped his head, and the instant his lips brushed my throat, I thought I was going to lose it. The softness of his kisses and the hot rushes of his breath made my skin break out in goosebumps, and I tilted my head as far as I could so he could find every inch of my neck.

"Jesus..." I whispered.

His lips curved into a grin just beneath my jaw. "I love it when you're this turned on."

"Mmm, me too. Question is…" I slid my hands down over his ass. "What are you going to do with me?"

"So many options." He purred. "But what I really want"-he nipped at the side of my neck-"is for you to fuck me."

"Oh God. Yeah."

James pushed himself up and gazed down at me. "I want you on top." He breathed. "Just… just like the first time."

I shivered at the memory of pressing him down into the mattress, covering his body with mine, and sliding in and out of him until we'd both fallen apart. "That sounds perfect."

He lifted himself all the way off me and started to turn over, but paused. "Wait, do we have condoms?"

"Yeah." I nodded toward my bag. "And lube."

James eyed me playfully. "You were optimistic, huh?"

"I… well…" I cleared my throat as I sat up. "Just wanted to be prepared in case things worked out, right?"

"Smart. Good thing, too, since they _did_ work out."

"Mm-hmm, they did." I kissed him quickly, and then got up to get my bag. I'd wondered if I was jinxing myself, making sure I had everything with me on that off chance we found ourselves in bed, but I'd brought them anyway. Thank God.

As I rolled on the condom, I let my gaze slide over James' gorgeous naked body. He'd put a pillow under his chest and wrapped his arms around it, and somehow that made his back and shoulders look even sexier. Or maybe that was just because he was lying there waiting for me to fuck his beautiful ass.

He looked at me over his shoulder, eyes bright with a hunger that was as intense as my own. "C'mon. What are you waiting for?"

"Just taking in the scenery." I climbed onto the bed and planted a kiss between his shoulders, which earned me a gasp and a shiver. "You're gorgeous, you know that?"

"Mmm, you're too sweet. Now fuck me, damn it."

I barked a laugh and kissed his back again. "Give me a second." I put some lube on my fingers, and as I gently worked them inside him, I watched him respond. His muscles rippled and he buried his face in the pillow he was holding, groaning softly. I had no doubt he was impatient for my cock, but he didn't just put up with this part to avoid the pain-he always seemed to enjoy it.

His little moans and the catches of his breath didn't sound in the least bit like frustration. When I bent my fingers just right to slide over his prostate, a shiver went through his entire body as he murmured, "Fuck."

I could have done this all night, and I had a feeling he'd have let me, but my dick desperately needed some attention. As I slid my fingers free, he moaned in protest. That protest evaporated when he looked over his shoulder again and zeroed in on me stroking lube onto my cock.

"I think you're ready for me." I said.

"Oh yeah." James spread his thighs wider. "You better believe it."

I leaned down again and kissed the back of his neck as I positioned myself over him. He swore into the pillow, and I swore into his hair as body heat radiated from his skin to mine. I'd been turned on before, hadn't I?

Other nights? Other men? I was sure I had, but right now, this felt completely like uncharted territory. There was no way I'd ever been this attracted to someone, this turned on by someone, or this in love with someone, never mind all three at the same time.

And as I eased myself into him, I thought I might pass out from the sheer intensity of all these sensations, physical and otherwise. In the days since we'd broken up, I hadn't even wanted sex. Not with him or anyone else. Now it was like I'd been starving for it, and I couldn't get enough, and at the same time, I wasn't even sure I could handle even a fraction of this. None of it made sense, but who cared? I was fucking James. He was taking me easily and eagerly, murmuring pleas for more and faster and harder. My entire world revolved around him and this and us.

 _I can't believe you're here._

Holding him tight, fucking him slowly, I took in a deep breath of his scent through my nose. He really was here. The man I'd loved and stupidly lost was here, and after being way too far apart, we were as close as two men could possibly get, and it was perfect.

"You feel so good." He breathed. "Christ, Logan…"

"So do you. I missed this."

"Ungh. M-me too. Missed _you_."

I groaned in agreement and slid my hands over his chest, then hooked them over his shoulders for leverage. As I rode him harder, James whimpered, I breathlessly asked, "This too much?"

"No. Fuck." He arched up against me. " _More_."

"More?" I grinned, letting my lips brush his neck. "You sure you-"

"Please. More."

Gritting my teeth, I gave him more, slamming into him as hard as this position allowed, and his choked cried were the sexiest sounds I'd ever heard. I wanted more-needed more-and gave him as much as I could. Dizzy, half delirious, I buried my face against his neck, savoring the brush of his stubble against my lips, and moaned, "God, I love you."

He whimpered, shivering under me. "Love…love you too."

I kissed the side of his neck and thrust harder, driving another helpless cry out of him.

"Jesus, Logan…" He sounded like he was sobbing. "I'm gonna come."

"Yeah?" I nipped his shoulder. "Don't hold back, baby."

Before I'd even finished speaking, he cried out, clenching around me, and I drove into him as my own orgasm crashed through me. I couldn't get deep enough, but I damn sure tried, and he kept bucking against me until we both shuddered, sighed, and relaxed.

I pulled out but didn't get up yet. For a moment, I just needed to hold him close while we both caught our breath. The heat of his skin and the pounding of my heart told me this was real. It wasn't a dream. In a moment of panic, I'd walked away from James, and not only had I found my way back to him, he'd taken me back.

Closing my eyes, I kissed the side of his neck.

The press could take as many pictures as they wanted.

They could concoct any wild story they could think of about what it meant when we exchanged a certain look or stood close together. They could say what they wanted about James deserving better. I didn't care anymore.

Because here, with James in my arms, I was home.

* * *

Prior to Logan, I'd never had a lot of physical contact with a man. Nothing sexual or even affectionate. I'd gone my entire life without any of that, and most of the time I'd known Logan, we'd been too many miles apart for any part of it.

But lying with him now in my hotel room, it was like we'd been doing this all along, and stopping for a couple of weeks had left me aching for it. I didn't care if we had sex again tonight. I wasn't even sure I had the energy for another round after a long day on set. As long as Logan didn't let go of me though, I was perfectly happy.

He combed his fingers through my hair like he always did. I loved that. It was almost hypnotic, especially the way his nails dragged gently across my scalp.

"That feels nice." I murmured.

"Yeah?"

"Mm-hmm. Might put me to sleep though."

He chuckled. "You've had a long day. If you need to sleep, then sleep."

"I should eventually." I shifted onto my elbow so I could look in his eyes. "But I'm not ready to crash yet."

Logan smiled, watching his fingertips drift down my arm. After a moment, some concern furrowed his brow. "I, uh, didn't get you in trouble with your bosses, did I?"

I laughed softly and shook my head. "No. In fact, Sam said I could bring you to the set every day if it meant I also brought my A game."

"I'm pretty sure that could be arranged. When I'm not working, I mean."

"Yeah, well, just don't come when we're filming sex scenes." I made a face. "It's awkward enough _without_ my boyfriend watching."

Logan chuckled. "I'll just wait for you at home so we can have the real thing without all the cameras and awkwardness."

"Ooh, now I like the sound of that arrangement."

"Kind of figured you would."

We both grinned, and then he tipped up my chin for a long, soft kiss. Not one that promised to get us started again, but one of those sweet, indulgent kisses I'd been hooked on since day one. Yet another thing I hadn't realized I'd been missing this much.

When we seperated, though, the humor had faded from his expression, replaced by uneasiness.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I just…" His eyes flicked away. "I still feel like such an asshole for breaking things off with you."

"You shouldn't. I'm sorry everything was so overwhelming for you, and I wish there was more I could do to fix it. At least, you know, being there to go through it with you instead of just texting." I watched my fingertip trail along his jaw. "Being with me means…" I sighed, too exhausted to even form the words.

"You don't have to be sorry about all that." Logan pressed a tender kiss to my forehead. "It's just the way it is. Your job means long hours sometimes, and being with you means the paparazzi are a thing. Being with me means dog hair on everything you own are a thing."

I laughed. "I could think of worse things than a bit of dog hair on my stuff."

"Me too." He smoothed my hair and looked in my eyes. "Like not being together."

"I could really get used this sappy side of you, by the way."

He laughed, and no, I didn't think I'd ever get tired of how cute he was when he blushed.

Still, I hadn't shaken the uneasiness that had lingered after we'd talked in the dressing room. "What about the messages you get from people?" I grimaced. "I don't know what to do about those."

Logan sighed. "I don't know either. I've locked down a lot of my accounts so only people I know can contact me. And I make a point of not reading comments anymore. The thing is, I can't stop people from saying horrible shit, and I can't stop them from sending horrible shit to me." He touched my face. "But letting that stop me from being with you? I can't do that."

"I just hate-"

"I know you do. So do I. I mean, it sucks. It's ridiculous that people think they deserve access to your private life, or that anyone has an opinion on us." He paused. "Ironically, though, all those assholes are the reason I broke down and came here."

That caught me off-guard. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…" He chewed his lip, then took a deep breath. "I'd been thinking about it a lot. How bad it hurt not being with you. And then…" He sighed before meeting my eyes. "Someone got that picture of you in your car."

I flinched. "Oh. That one."

"Yeah. It pissed me off at first because it was just another incident of them violating your privacy. But then I started really thinking about how much you must have been hurting right then." He stroked my cheek. "How much I'd hurt you."

"It wasn't your fault." I whispered. "It gets overwhelming for me too, so I don't blame you."

"Maybe not, but you were still hurting because I broke things off."

I pursed my lips. It wasn't like I could deny it, but I didn't want him to keep blaming himself after everything that had pushed him to that edge. "In your shoes, I probably would have done the same thing. The important thing is that you're back now."

Logan hesitated, but finally cracked a smile as he watched himself run a fingertip down my cheek. "I had to come back. I missed you. And yes, I know, we've got a lot working against us. The press. Being in a long distance relationship."

Frowning, I said, "My work schedule."

He nodded. "Yeah. But that doesn't mean we can't do this. We'll just have to take it one day at a time and be patient with each other."

"I can do that. I can definitely do that."

"Me too."

We both grinned, and I drew him down enough to brush our lips together. "I love you. And I'm really glad you came back."

"I love you too, baby." He cradled the back of my head and kissed my deeply. Tenderly. Hungrily. As he rolled me onto my back, I ran my fingers through his hair, exactly the way he always did with me. His hips settled on mine, and I hummed into his kiss and shivered as our cocks started hardening between us.

How about that?

Turned out I had enough for another round after all.

* * *

 _Two Years Later_

"Maybe next time we should just bite the bullet and get dressed in the limo." I brushed a few more strands of dog hair off my pant leg as the car inched along the congested boulevard. "Or get a hotel room."

James laughed. "I think we should just accept that dog hair is an accessory, especially when we're both wearing black."

I glanced at him, and I had to grin. Even if we'd both been tearing our hair out trying to keep the fur off our clothes, it was worth all the effort to see him in that tailored black tux again. We might have to start storing both our tuxes someplace else, though. I swore Lola's fur could find it's way into a sealed room inside Fort Knox.

But James really didn't seem to mind. In fact, I had a feeling that as soon as we got home, he'd be hugging her and petting her, and our dry cleaner would have our heads. Again.

Tugging at his bowtie, he turned to me. "Is this on straight? It doesn't feel straight."

I scrutinized it, then adjusted it slightly. "There. You're good to go."

"Thank you." He flashed a quick smile and kissed me. "You ready for this?"

"As ready as I ever am."

A year ago, that answer would have earned me a worried grimace. Tonight, just a reassuring smile and a pat to my knee.

Events like this still made me nervous, but not like they had in the beginning. Like everything in our world and our relationship, it had taken time, but I'd gotten used to it.

James' busy schedule had also taken some getting used to, but I'd managed. It was a lot easier now that we were living together; Lola and I had moved in with James a year ago. She loved the house and the yard. She especially loved when one or both of us took her down into the canyon for a hike, or when James went for his morning run and took her along.

We'd all become regulars at several dog parks, and she'd settled in right away to the doggy daycare she went to a few times a week. Even when James was home, he sometimes took her to daycare just to let her play with other dogs.

When he was away on a promo tour or staying in the city during a particularly grueling stretch of filming, I missed him-I was pretty sure she did too-but we did all right. It helped that my family was close by, so if I wasn't seeing much of him, I could spend time with them. I still missed James, but their company staved off some of the loneliness. And as a bonus, my mom was happy to see her grandpuppy more often.

I'd found a job similar to the one I'd been doing in Everett. In theory, I didn't need to keep working, but I liked what I did, and I _really_ didn't like the idea of being financially dependent on James. Plus, it kept me from going stir crazy, especially when James was out of town.

Yeah, it had all been an adjustment-events like this and all-but I was happy. With my job. With where we lived. With the man I loved. We had our ups and downs and stupid arguments like every couple, but there wasn't a thing I would have changed.

The sound of James' phone ringing broke me out of my thoughts.

I glanced over at him, watching as his face lit up before he answered the call and put it on speaker.

"Hey, babe." He answered.

I immediately let out a groan, already knowing who was on the other end.

"Hey. How's my favorite hottie doing?" Kendall asked, sounding _way_ too happy.

"I'm doing great. You?" James responded, trying-and failing-to keep the amusement out of his voice.

"Great, as if there was any question. How's the _other_ one doing?"

"God, why did I introduce you two?" I asked for what must have been the thousandth time, which resulted in a laugh from both James and Kendall.

After James and I had gotten things between us back on track, I had introduced them, and they had immediately hit it off. I realized my mistake five minutes after introductions had been made. They had quickly become best friends, and they annoyed the hell out of me.

But secretly-or not so secretly-I loved it. They teased me constantly, but it was all in good fun. They were two of the most important people in my life, so it meant a lot to me that they got along.

"What's up? We don't have much time to talk." James said.

"I was just calling to make sure we were all still on for tomorrow." Kendall responded.

With me moving, it meant that I was miles away from my friends. But we still tried to see each other whenever possible. Which was why Kendall was flying out so that we could hang out.

"As far as I know, everything is still a go." James said, looking to me for confirmation.

"Yeah. But you could've called me, you know? What kind of best friend are you?" I asked, which only resulted in a chuckle from the blond.

"Well, unlike _you_ , James actually answers me when I call." Kendall responded.

"It's not my fault you call when I'm...occupied…" I said, feeling my cheeks heat as my mind was flooded with visions that I did _not_ need right now.

James let out a chuckle before glancing out the window. "Hey, we gotta go, Kendall. We'll call you back later, okay?"

We all said our goodbyes as the car rolled forward a few feet. I watched as the mob of photographers slowly came into view. My usual nerves coiled in my stomach, but I knew from experience I'd be all right once I was out of the car.

"Okay, we're up." James squeezed my hand. "You ready?" He was smiling, but there was genuine concern etched into his brow. Even after we'd done this several times, he never failed to check and double check that I was ready for the onslaught of attention.

Was I ready to step out in front of the press with the most gorgeous man on the planet?

Yes.

Yes, I absolutely was.

I patted his arm. "I'm good. Let's do this."

We exchanged smiles. A moment later, the car door opened, and as always, he got out first. Then he offered his hand, and I took it and stepped out into the blazing hot sun.

The cameras started snapping. The reporters started calling out to us. My instinctive flinch, not to mention the impulse to duck back into the car, wasn't so strong now. In fact, every time we did this, it got a little easier. The lenses and flashes were intimidating as hell, but they were getting more and more like a neighbor's aggressive dog behind a fence-not something I wanted to get too close to, but not something that was actually going to hurt me.

Hand in hand, we started down the red carpet, pausing here and there to smile for the cameras. This really wasn't so bad. It'd taken me a lot longer to get used to the actual paparazzi than this. On the red carpet, the attention was expected, and the reporters were pretty well corralled.

Out in the wild, they could be more aggressive, not to mention catching us by surprise on the way out of a restaurant, leaning out the window of a car, or shoving a camera in my face when I was walking out of the clinic. Thank God they'd mostly lost interest in us. There'd been other celebrity gossip that had pulled their focus away from the boring gay couple who never did anything newsworthy except be a gay couple.

Even at events like this, we didn't turn many heads anymore. He got a lot of attention tonight because he was the star of the film, and they always snapped plenty of photos of us because we were on the red carpet, but people expected us now.

Hell, the one time we'd actually made gossip headlines in the last several months had been when he'd come to an awards show by himself. That hadn't gotten much traction, though-all it took was a glance at our social media, and the 'trouble in paradise' rumors were debunked by my puffy-eyed pathetic _I'm dying of the flu_ selfie captioned with _Good luck, baby, wish I could be there._ Take that, gossips.

People still had opinions about us, and nasty comments, tweets, and emails sometimes made it to me, but I did my best to ignore them. If one started getting under my skin, it didn't take much anymore to make myself feel better.

All I had to do was take one look at the man I loved, and I'd remember that some stranger's opinion really didn't hold a candle to the reality of spending every night beside James.

James gave me a gentle nudge, bringing me out of my thoughts and back to the present. The photographers had finished snapping their requisite photos, so we moved on to make room for the next couple.

We cleared the end of the red carpet, and a reporter immediately called out to James for an interview.

James glanced at me. "You want to keep moving? Or should we?"

"It's up to you."

"Are you okay with it? Getting that close?"

I wrapped my arm around his waist. "I'm good. Come on, let's go meet your adoring public."

He chuckled, and we approached the reporter leaning over the barrier. This was a pretty normal part of nights like this, but I did appreciate James making sure-without fail-that I was okay.

We stopped so he could answer a few questions. They were pretty benign, mostly about the movie and how he liked working with his costars. Not surprisingly, the reporter's attention didn't last long. There was another couple coming up behind us, and everyone suddenly seemed interested in the actress. After just a few routine questions for James, the guy started trying to flag her down instead.

Fine by me. I didn't really mind the reporters anymore, but the sooner they stopped hammering him with questions, the sooner we could sit down and relax.

It took a while to get through the gauntlet of reporters. I was pleased that they weren't asking obnoxious questions about us anymore, and more and more, I was doing okay when they talked to me.

They'd usually ask what I thought of the movie, and if I was proud of James ( _you think, guys?_ ), and maybe mix it up with something like "Does James stay in character even when he comes home?" (depended on the character) or "What's your favorite movie of his?" (Still Sequestered, though Shots Fired was a close second). Once in a while, it was obvious that a reporter wasn't comfortable interviewing a gay couple who were openly affectionate, but if the straight couples could hold hands or have arms around each other, then we could too.

For the most part, it wasn't so bad, especially the more we did this. Still, I was always relieved when we finally made it past the press and into the theatre.

As he always did, James gently nudged me out of the flow of traffic, stopped, and turned to me. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah." I smiled, smoothing his lapel. "I'm good. You?"

"I'm good." Then he leaned in for a quick kiss, and we continued toward the auditorium.

As we sat down, we put up the armrest between us, and we assumed our usual move-watching position-my arm around his shoulder while he leaned against me. The only thing missing was Lola, who usually had her head perched on his leg or mine, depending on which end of the couch we were sitting.

We'd stay in tomorrow night with Kendall, and she could watch another movie with us. For tonight, she was at my parent's house, no doubt being spoiled rotten and completely ignoring the _no animals on the furniture_ rule that apparently didn't apply to grandpets.

I smiled to myself and kissed James' forehead. He snuggled closer against me, probably not caring any more than I did if people saw us.

As people settled in all around us, I caught myself thinking ahead to another premiere that was coming up in a few weeks. It was a routine we'd done many times before, but at the premiere, one tiny thing would be different.

We'd leave Lola at my parents' house again.

We'd put on our tuxes again.

We'd step out of a limo onto a red carpet again.

And then we'd see how long it took for the press to notice our matching gold bands.

* * *

 **Done! So, it looks like Jagan got their happy ending!**

 **I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter and story in general, as well as if you happened to have any favorite parts/moments!**

 **I seriously can't believe this was the final chapter. This story was such a fun ride and I'm sad to see it end. But I want to thank each and every one of you for joining me on this journey! I hope you all enjoyed and were okay with how it ended! :D**

 **-Epically Obsessed**


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